Short Rock Stars

Rock stars always look like they're really tall. Apparently, they aren't. I always thought Bono was kinda hot until I saw he was only 5' 7 1/2." Prince, of course, is notoriously short and he apparently only dates women shorter than him. Here's a list of other rock stars and their height:

Prince: 5'2"

John Mellencamp: 5'7"

Angus Young: 5'2"

Roger Daltry: 5'7"

Paul Simon: 5'3"

I mean, some of these guys I could use their heads to set my beer on. I'm 5' 5 1/2" with no shoes on. My lowest heels are two inches which puts me at Bono's height.

Where I've Been

I have a new blog. Ok, it's my old blog at a new site. You can come check it out at:

http://thepraiseoffolly.wordpress.com/

Hence why I have not been posting much here.

Obama Says Life is Good

Bernake Discusses the Economy

Broke-A$$ Broke

I am broke. Busted. Out of money. My ex-husband owes me a bundle of money. He can either pay it or I take him back to court. I hate being broke. I am way too much of the pampered pooch to be broke.

I'm too broke to afford booze. That's just sad. So I think we need to start a "Feed the Folly," fund.

Cheesy 80's Video of the Day

I love the Pointer Sisters and this song. The video:




Still better than the crap out today. The boxer is 1984 gold medal winner Mark Breland.

Stuff I Don't Care About

Here's a list of current events I don't care about and can't figure out why it's taken up so much of the media's attention:

1. Swine Flu. What a freakin' non-event. 300 cases WORLDWIDE. Where's the pandemic?

2. Obama. Geez, I've never seen so many people line up to give a dude a blow job in my life. The guy is the biggest fraud since this guy.

3. Arlen Specter. For some reason, I keep calling him Phil. The asshole was never a real Republican anyway.

4. Death of Newspapers. Freakin' John Kerry wants "hearings" to save the newspaper. Why? It's mostly good for bathroom reading these days. Maybe if the NY Slime, et al would stop being political propaganda and more neutral, people would read them instead of lining the cat box with them.

5. Joe Biden. We all know he's a moron. Why do we need a, "Joe's Screw up of the Day," headline?

Friday's Fun Song

The Government Reassures the Nation

A Recap of Obama's Speech

In song:

Obama: "I'm Great and the GOP Sucks"

No, I didn't watch the Obama love fest last night. I had better things to do. However, I did read this story from the Washington Times. Here is the Gospel according to Obama:

1. The GOP is a do-nothing party.
2. Bush is a torturer.
3. The GOP sucks.
4. I am the greatest human to ever walk this planet.
5. The recession and deficit is the GOP's fault.
6. Aren't I funny when I banter about war with my sycophant press corps?
7. I'm "remaking" America.


Okay, now here's what I have to say: Screw you, Obama. SCREW YOU. Here's my view on your first 100 days:

1. 2 million jobs were lost during your first 100 days of office.
2. YOU pushed for a 700 trillion dollar budget.
3. Terrorists deserved to be tortured if it will keep us from losing another 3000 people. They aren't your Uncle Bob or Aunty Fanny. These are people who live to kill others.
4. The Air Force One photo op is the most retarded piece of crap to ever come out of the White House and that includes Clinton getting blown.
5. Your stupid-ass mortgage assistance program doesn't really help anyone because the banks aren't doing it.
6. It takes a real class act to constantly blame the previous administration for your screw ups.
7. The economy sucks. IT IS NOT GETTING BETTER, you idiot.
8. You've shaken hands and kissed the asses of every tin pot dictator on the planet so now everyone, including our enemies, thinks we are weak. Ripe for another attack because they know you won't fight back.

So in a nutshell, you are a disgrace to the office. Because of you and the idiot media that slobbers all over your genitals like a $2 hooker, I'm ashamed to be an American.

What's Hot and Not Hot

Pay attention, please:

Hot:

Not hot:

Are we clear?

WTF?

Seriously? How is it that the "media" insists all is well with the economy when me and just about everyone I know is facing homeless due to lack of employment? Are there that many delusional people out there? Is that idiot in the White House so sacred that no one will call bullshit on him? He's a snake oil salesman. A charlatan. A huckster. Yet no one will call him on the carpet.

Where the hell is my hand out, Barry? You throw money at GM, AIG, and the rest like Time Square hookers but the rest of us are getting bent over. There are no jobs. Let me repeat that: THERE ARE NO F*&KING JOBS, Barry. I went to my alma mater's job bulletin board today. It was blank. No jobs posted since March 3.

I have no steady income, no insurance, and two kids plus a menagerie of animals to support. What the hell are people like me supposed to do?

New National Anthem

The Obama Administration has decided that our current national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner," does not accurately reflect his "Hope and Change" theme. Introducing the new national anthem:

A Song For Abbadon

Poor guy wonders what the hell is up with my taste in music. Here's another one for you:

Another Fun Song

Showing just how diverse my musical taste is, I love this song. Watch carefully and you'll see Paula Abdul, Sinbad, and Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall. And watch the whole damn video.

GM to Close Plants for Up to 9 Weeks

Two people briefed on the plan say General Motors Corp. will close most of its U.S. factories for up to nine weeks this summer because of slumping sales and growing inventories of unsold vehicles. Source.

Remember back in January when the asshole at Bob Douchebag Chevrolet wouldn't sell me a car unless I ponied up at least $3k in cash and paid $600/month for a Trailblazer? HAHAHAHAHA. I hope he loses his job. Try actually wanting to make deals instead of thinking this is still 5 years ago when YOU could dictate whatever terms you wanted to potential customers. I don't feel any sympathy for the auto industry at this point for overpaying their workers to make crap-ass cars that are overpriced BECAUSE of their overpaid workers.

New Fun Song

Someone...cough, cough...complained about the Spice Girls on Friday so I'm offering this up as a replacement:

Dedicated to the Ex-Boyfriend

So it's official. I'm back on the market. Or at least I'm not dating anyone. I don't know what the hell his problem is but it reminds me of this song.

And while we're on Pink, maybe I think of this song is one I need to keep in mind.

Fun Song Friday

Since everyday is now WTF? I've decided to put a more positive spin on things. Today's fun song is by the girl group that we all love to hate, the Spice Girls:

Janeane Garafolo

I went to high school with this chick. James E. Taylor Senior High School in Katy, Texas. Her dad was a VP at Exxon. Everyone whose dad was in the oil industry back then was a freakin' bitch or asshole. Oil industry kids made my life miserable because I was one of the poor kids. I was harassed and picked on left and right by those people solely because my dad wasn't some oil industry bigshot.

She knows as much about poverty and the common man as my dog. She's a freakin' hypocrite.

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Schoolhouse Rock

What I Want

Happy Easter

Fun Facts about Folly

Yeah, it's getting desperate when we go here. Anyway, I posted a comment at another site about me that many people do not know: I have social anxiety. Yep. I hate crowds, public speaking, and most courtrooms. Here's some other fun facts you may not know:

1. Unlike the majority of residents of my state, I have no Indian blood. That I know of. My family was pretty game about climbing onto anything with a crotch but for some reason, Native Americans aren't part of the family tree.

2. My dad was a minor league baseball pitcher. He was called up the majors but happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. His buddy decided to commit armed robbery. The buddy went to jail and Dad got sent back down. Personally, I'd beaten the buddy's ass.

3. I have been married as many times as Terry Bradshaw although not TO Terry Bradshaw. However, if he reads blogs, I'm available. I'll even sign a pre-nup.

4. I've never done illegal narcotics. Nope. The one thing my dad WOULD have killed me for.

5. As a kid, I once lived in the projects in Tampa.

6. I have 5 cats. I'm well on my way to becoming the crazy cat lady.

7. My vision is 20/220 in one eye and 20/240 in the other.

8. I am an alumna of the University of Oklahoma. Other OU students/alumni include: James Garner, Ed Harris, Van Heflin, Dennis Weaver, Rance Howard (Ron's dad), Alice Ghostly and Vince Gill.

9. Since I do live in Oklahoma, here's a list of famous people from this state: Gene Autry, Johnny Bench, Mickey Mantle, Anita Bryant, Lon Chaney, Jr. , Chuck Norris, Ron Howard, Jean Kirkpatrick, Dr. Phil, Brad Pitt, Ted Shackelford (his brother is a local vet here), BJ Thomas, and Tony Hillerman. Here's the complete list.

10. I hate martinis.

Good Friday

The Pirate Problem

Why are we negotiating with them? There's only one way to handle pirates:

Our New Theme Song

Who Has Influenced this Country?

"And we will convey our deep appreciation for the Islamic faith, which has done so much over so many centuries to shape the world for the better -- including my own country."

Barack Obama's address to the Turkish Parliament, April 6, 2009

Hmmmm, except for killing 3,000 of our people in one day, I'm not sure what exactly the Muslims have done to shape our world for the better. In fact, the Christian faith is what has shaped this country as evidenced by these quotes:

The moment the idea is admitted into society that property is not as sacred as the laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence. If 'Thou shalt not covet' and 'Thou shalt not steal' were not commandments of Heaven, they must be made inviolable precepts in every society before it can be civilized or made free.

John Adams, A Defense of the American Constitutions, 1787

If men through fear, fraud or mistake, should in terms renounce and give up any essential natural right, the eternal law of reason and the great end of society, would absolutely vacate such renunciation; the right to freedom being the gift of God Almighty, it is not in the power of Man to alienate this gift, and voluntarily become a slave.

John Adams, Rights of the Colonists, 1772

Our unalterable resolution would be to be free. They have attempted to subdue us by force, but God be praised! in vain. Their arts may be more dangerous then their arms. Let us then renounce all treaty with them upon any score but that of total separation, and under God trust our cause to our swords.

Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, April 16, 1776

"Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Beside, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of Nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us."

Patrick Henry

Nevertheless, to the persecution and tyranny of his cruel ministry we will not tamely submit -- appealing to Heaven for the justice of our cause, we determine to die or be free ....

Joseph Warren, American account of the Battle of Lexington, 1775

"Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the event which is in the hands of God."

George Washington, Constitutional Convention, 1787

With hearts fortified with these animating reflections, we most solemnly, before God and the world, declare, that, exerting the utmost energy of those powers, which our beneficent Creator hath graciously bestowed upon us, the arms we have compelled by our enemies to assume, we will, in defiance of every hazard, with unabating firmness and perseverance employ for the preservation of our liberties; being with one mind resolved to die freemen rather than to live as slaves.

John Dickinson and Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of the Cause and Necessity of Taking up Arms, July 6, 1775

The God they refer to is the Judeo-Christian God, not the Muslim god, the Hindu god, or whatever. The majority of these people were Anglican, Methodist, Quaker, and whatnot.

People Suck

I've had a crap ass day. You think the people at Sprint would sent me an Idiot-gram telling me, "Hey, moron, pay your bill before we cut you off." No. They just did it without letting me know. So I had to deal with that drama this morning. Then I find out my insurance has been terminated so no more Remicade treatments for me unless I can get on some poverty plan.

I get a copy of a local magazine and see the ex-pub in a half page ad which leads me to wonder where he got the money. He still hopes I'll drop the contempt charge and I still hope he falls of the planet.

I'm back in my old house with mixed feelings. I like being back here but it does remind me of the idiot. Plus I keep wondering when they're going to knock on my door and tell me to get the hell out. Add to that my kids being across the street inside the local drug den after I told them not go over there.

And I'm stressing like hell over money. So that leads me to wonder this: Where the hell is MY bailout, Barry? Where the hell is MY stimulus package?

That all reminds of me of this song:

A Long Long Time Ago in a Country Far, Far Away

Some 233 years ago, a group of malcontents decided they had had enough of an oppressive government. A government that taxed them to death. A government that ignored their needs and requests. Here are a list of quotes from these malcontents which I think are relevant today.

"A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy. While the people are virtuous they cannot be subdued; but when once they lose their virtue then will be ready to surrender their liberties to the first external or internal invader."
Samuel Adams, 1779

No people will tamely surrender their Liberties, nor can any be easily subdued, when knowledge is diffusd and Virtue is preservd. On the Contrary, when People are universally ignorant, and debauchd in their Manners, they will sink under their own weight without the Aid of foreign Invaders.
Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, 1775

But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty once lost is lost forever.
John Adams, letter to Abigail Adams, 1775

Government is instituted for the common good; for the protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness of the people; and not for profit, honor, or private interest of any one man, family, or class of men; therefore, the people alone have an incontestable, unalienable, and indefeasible right to institute government; and to reform, alter, or totally change the same, when their protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness require it.
John Adams, Thoughts on Government, 1776

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale, before being hanged by the British, September 22, 1776

"There, I guess King George will be able to read that."
John Hancock, Remark, July 4, 1776

"If this be treason, make the most of it."
Patrick Henry, n.d.

Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
Patrick Henry, speech in the Virginia Convention, 1775

"They tell us Sir, that we are weak -- unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak, if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature has placed in our power."
Patrick Henry

What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.
Thomas Jefferson, letter to William Stephens Smith, 1787

Your love of liberty -- your respect for the laws -- your habits of industry -- and your practice of the moral and religious obligations, are the strongest claims to national and individual happiness.
George Washington, letter to the Residents of Boston, October 27, 1789

A Piece of Advice for the President

As everyone has heard, the Obamas are in Europe. While visiting Queen Elizabeth II, our prez gave her a pink Ipod with show tunes and a couple of his speeches. His wife then made the mistake of touching the Queen without her permission. Twice.

Who is advising these two on protocol? Borat? A freakin' Ipod for the Queen of England? Here's a letter I'd like to send to him:

Dear Mr. President:

I'm taking the time to advise you on a few protocol matters even though I didn't vote for you. I don't personally care for you but if you are going to represent Americans, I feel it's my duty to clue you in on what not to do.

1. We are Americans. We are unique. We like Ipods and movies. The rest of the world, not so much. If you chose to give a gift to a foreign head of state, make it something classy. As my friend Abaddon said, a lovely custom silver tea service with the House of Windsor crest and Presidential seal would have been a lovely and tasteful gift to the Queen. Think of decorative things like vases or historical items that represent America. By the way, handing back that bust of Churchill we were given was a slap in the face to the British. Just sayin'

2. Touching. Look, learn the customs of the people you are visiting. NO ONE touches the Queen or any other member of the Royal Family without their permission. You don't even speak to one of them until they address you first. Oh sure, our media tried to claim that Michelle "charmed the Queen out of protocol," but that's crap. The Queen just didn't want a scene. Anyway, I'm sure there is a book or something you can read about all this.

3. Learn how to speak. You may have legions of adoring fans in the US media who hang on to every stuttering word that comes out of your mouth. However, the same cannot be said outside the US so when someone from a foreign newspaper, say like the Guardian, asks you a question, don't stutter your way through it. It makes you look like an idiot and embarrasses the rest of us.

Look, we're stuck with you until 2012. All I'm saying is that you're embarrassing us more overseas than GWB ever did. You're not in Chicago anymore so learn how to act.

Folly

The Deadly Sins

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 40% Gluttony: 20% Greed: 20% Sloth: 20% Envy: 0% Pride: 0% Wrath: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14% You'll die of a yet to be discovered STD.

How Sinful Are You?

She Don't Like Cocaine

Or does she? Apparently there is a video of VP Biden's daughter, Ashley, snorting it up at some party in Delaware. Reminds me of a song:

Thoughts for the Day

No, this is not a Jack Handy moment. I'm in the midst of moving back to my old house which I've decided I love. Every time I walk in, I realize it's my house (the ex be damned). We had a snowstorm yesterday with 10 inches of snow. Today it's sunny and 60 degrees. Today, I busted my ass on either a piece of ice or a wet puzzle piece in the drive way. I have a lovely cut on my knee to show for it.

However, all in all, things are looking up. I have quite a few clients and may be getting a new job this week. I'll be out from underneath my landlord. So here's a little song to celebrate. (Even though Abbadon hates U2.)

Shows Whose Popularity I Don't Get

So after reading an article on Foxnews.com about whether or not some chick on Grey's Anatomy will return or not made me wonder why that show is so popular. Along with Grey's Anatomy, here is a list of shows that make me wonder why people are so nuts about them.

1. American Idol. So far it's produced two actual stars, Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson. The rest have been talentless dogs. Even the crappy auditions at the beginning of the season are boring now.
2. Survivor. Is this show even on anymore? I think they should really make it challenging like, Survivor: Darfur or Survivor: Baghdad.
3. Lost. First, has anyone ever survived a plane crash at sea? Second, if so, wouldn't the Navy be looking for them? This show apparently went from quasi-believable to absolute insanity with like time travel or something.
4. CSI (all forms). I understand the interest in how a crime is solved. However, it's well documented that criminals watch these shows and are becoming more savvy in their crimes. People now expect that all crimes should be solved in the allotted one hour and get pissy when they don't. Shouldn't those be reasons to yank it off the air?
5. Dancing With the Stars. Seriously? We give a rat's ass about celebrities and ballroom dancing?
6. Keeping Up with the Kardashians. This is the most self-absorbed group of nitwits on TV. They're claim to fame? Being the offspring of one of OJ Simpson's lawyers and step-kids of Bruce Jenner. I can't understand why a mother would allow her daughters to act like total tramps on television and Bruce Jenner...BRUCE!!!What the hell? You go from Olympic glory to this crap?
7. Prison Break. Like Lost, I can't postpone reality long enough to believe that it's this easy to get out of maximum security. Otherwise, Charlie Manson would be my neighbor.

Lights on for Earth Hour

Apparently at 8:30 pm Central Time, we're supposed to dim our lights for some damn reason. Being a nonconformist, I plan on turning every light in the house on for an hour. Every...single...light... So join me in saying screw you to the environmental Nazis.

LIGHTS ON FOR EARTH HOUR.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

March 28, 2009: The view from my office window. Yes, it's coming down heavy.

Beau Tackles the Economy

Those of you who remember my old blog, the LawWench, remember Beau's take on the elections. Well, Beau is back to discuss with us the current economic crisis. As you can see, he doesn't look very optimistic about the current administration's economic policies.

Folly: So Beau, what's this chart supposed to represent?

Beau: Our lives. No. Seriously. See that part that looks like a mountain?

F: Yes.

B: That was the end of the Bush era. Sure things were bouncing around but it wasn't a complete disaster. Most of us had jobs, houses, and whatnot.

F: Okay. What's that big drop?

B: The Obama Administration's policies. Made everything nosedive right into the toilet.

F: Okay, then why does it say January 2008?

B: Because my owner doesn't know what damn year it is. I said, "2009, you idiot, 2009," and he writes, "2008." Yeesh. So hard to find good help these days.

F: So is it just one policy of the Obama Administration that's messing everything up?

B: Nah, it's the whole enchilada. I mean, he mouths about how we're heading for a depression and we need to act now and blah, blah, blah. What do you think the market does when they hear, "Mr. Hopey Changy" talking like he's the captain of the Titanic?

F: Sell off like it's 1929?

B: Exactly. Then his idiotic Treasury Secretary starts mouthing about how he's open to the Commie's idea of a one world currency and how they need to have the authority to seize any business they see fit. When did we move to Stalinist Russia?

F: Good question, Beau. It all began with the 51% of the country voting him into office.

B: 51% of the country is nuts.

F: So what's your overall take of the economy, Beau? Is this the bottom? What can people do to ride through these tough times.

B: Hold on, sister, one question at a time.

F: I'm sorry.

B: No problem. First, the economy sucks and this administration has no idea how to fix it. The problem is that people are expecting him to fix it instead of thinking about how they can fix it. Capiche? Second, I don't know if we can go any lower. I'm not saying it's the bottom but there ain't much further we can go. Third, stuff your mattresses with all your money. Hunker down and take a nap. That's what I'm getting ready to do.

F: Okay, thanks for your time and have a good nap.

B: Anytime.

Scared Yet?

Let's see, the new administration wants to seize private businesses and institute a "global currency." Why the hell isn't anyone screaming to high heaven over the obvious attempt by the Obama-philes to turn this country into a socialist dictatorship? Is that what everyone wants?

People, complain to your representatives. Write to the newspaper. Do whatever you can to ensure that the United States of America does not become the United Socialist States of America.

Friday Song

This song got stuck in my head yesterday and I don't know why. We're expecting a blizzard here this weekend followed by 60 degree weather. Go figure.

EU President: The US is on the Road to Hell

The words of the EU president reminds me of this song:

Obama Addresses the Nation

Yeah, Yeah, I've Been Busy

Between work and planning a move back to a house I still technically own (even if only on paper), I haven't had much time to chat. Consensus is that I'm making the right decision and I intend on going balls to the wall to keep the house. Every time I walk in it, I realize that it is MY house.

Updates: Discovered my ex didn't bother making any payments on the $15k tax debt so now we've got a tax lien on everything we own. He hasn't paid me anything so I modified the contempt application to include a writ of execution against the pub. Figure I might as well go for broke.

I've got a billion family law clients so I'm starting to make a little money (not much but a little). Plus my old boss still wants work from me (even though he's a total shithead about it). That means I should pull in about $5k this next month. Enough for bills and to save until I get a full time gig. So, things are looking up a little.

Poll Time

Okay, boys and girls, it's time for another, "Let's tell Folly what to do with her life." This involves my old house. Here's the deal. Since I lost my 6 figure job in February, I've been doing family law to keep going. The downside is that it doesn't pay jack. My old boss promise me 6 months of pay at $3k/month to do some research for him but I haven't gotten any new projects which means that little gig may be over.

Anyway, I'm behind on the rent and can't afford where I am. My thought is to move back into my old house since the bank can't figure out what to do with it and the IRS slapped a lien on it for $15k. However, my real estate agent is giving me shit over it, saying that if we don't sell it this month it goes back on the auction block in April.

So here's the poll: Should I move into my old house and hope they don't sell it out from under me or move on down the road and hope I can figure out how to pay rent?

California Bar Application

So I was looking at the California Bar Application yesterday (no, I'm not moving to Cali) and discovered that they allow crazy people to be lawyers there (go figure). In fact, here is a sample form from the packet:

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Yeah, yeah, it's late. Here's a song for you:

The New Head of the FDA

Here's Obama's pick for the head of the FDA. Here she is giving a commencement speech at the Columbia School of Journalism.

My Letter To God

Dear God:

I hope you read blogs. Sorry if I've offended you with anything I wrote. So, when's stuff in my life supposed to change? Seriously, I'm working my self to death and have little to show for it. Besides, didn't you already do this with Job? Granted, I haven't been to church lately so that's kinda of an "x" against me. However, I'm not genuinely a bad person.

I mean, you let the Red Sox win the World Series and the Lightening, the Stanley Cup and the Bucs, the Super Bowl. Do you suppose you could lighten up on me a bit? Make some good come my way. Oh, I'm not asking to win the lottery (I don't play anyway). Just make the junk ease up. 'Kay?

Oh and when are the Cubs going to the World Series? Please lighten up on them as well. You let the White Sox go. Um....okay.

Look, I'm trying the best I can. So if you could just cut me a little slack, I'd really, really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Folly

What Clinton Gave Russia.

A Little Song for the Wayward Boyfriend

Folly Goes Back to Court

This time I left early and made it to Vinita before 4:30 p.m. It took less than 5 minutes. I drove 130 miles twice for a five minute event. Again, this is what I'm up against:

Folly Goes To Court

You laugh but this is what it's like. I went to Vinita today. The courthouse closed 3 minutes before I got there.

Where the Hell is Pryor?

Yes, I know I promise to post more but that pesky work thing has me all tied up. I met with a new client yesterday then ran out to Pryor (where the case is pending) to file an Entry of Appearance. Where the hell is Pryor you ask? It's here (hint: look towards the upper right). Now, for a podunk town, they have the nicest courthouse I've ever visited.

Today, I get to meet a new client whose case is pending in Craig County. Where the hell is Craig County? It's here. So I do get to see parts of Oklahoma I've never seen. However, I'm not sure that's a good thing.

This Week's "What the Hamster?"

I've decided to change, "Friday's What the Hamster?" to the current title since I never know when I'm going to get around to actually posting the thing. So here are some stories that made me say, "What the Hamster?"

1. Unemployment Rate Hits 8.1%. Being one of that 8.1% does not make me happy. However, at least I'm not alone. As they say, misery loves company. I should point out that the last time unemployment hit this level was in 1983, when I was starting my junior year of high school and Ronald Reagan was still in his first term. However, the Messiah claims this a great opportunity. Yeah, an opportunity for him to establish the United Socialist States of America.


2. Feds: The Economy Sucked in January and February. As previously mentioned, could these guys be any more obvious. We know it sucks. The Messiah got elected based on the idea that ONLY HE could fix the problem. All he has done since his anointing is made it worse. Every time the guy opens his mouth, the Stock Market dives. Can we get a gag order on him?


3. Clinton: "Yeah, we're talking with a terrorist state. So what?" Showing how clueless this administration is, they're talking to the Syrians. The same people who assassinated the PM of Lebanon. The same people who backed Hezbollah's attacks on Israel. The same people who helped a bunch of Baathists escape Iraq when we invade. Holy cow, could this administration get anymore inept? No....don't answer that.


4. The Anti-Semite Administration, Part II. Also showing they have no regard for Israel, Madam Secretary Clinton stated that a Palestinian state WILL be created. Don't you think Israel should have some say in that before we start carving up the Middle East? Didn't the Democrats bitch we the Bush Administration started meddling in the internal affairs of other countries?


5. Rhianna and Chris Brown. Showing it doesn't matter how famous and rich you are, some women are just dumb asses when it comes to men. Now me, if my boyfriend beat the shit out of me to the point where I couldn't go on an awards show, I damn sure wouldn't be taking his sorry ass back. But of course he did the, "Baby, I'm sorry," and she forgave him. Girl, he's done it once and he'll do it again. The next time, you'll have a hard time finding anyone who'll feel sorry for you.

Folly's Diet, Part Deux

What I can and cannot eat so far:

CAN:

Mac & Cheese
Brownies
Pudding
Noodles
Raman
Cream of Wheat
Beer

CANNOT:

Donuts
Omlettes
Beef
Chicken
Chips
Cookies
Bagels
Bread


God, someone just shoot me.

Government: The Economy Sucks

Showing just how much trouble we're in, the government (i.e. the guys in DC) made this startling revelation today: The economy worsened in January and February. Now, it doesn't take an Economics degree from the Wharton School of Business to make that statement. All you have to do is watch the damn news. I guess tomorrow they will pronounce that Iran is hostile to Israel.

Yes, these people are in charge of our future. How scary is that?

Shiner Bock and Mac & Cheese

That's my new diet. No, I'm not trying to lose weight. I have an esophageal stricture. (Click on the link to find out more). Yes, I get to have a balloon shoved down my throat to re-expand the esophagus. Until then, I can't eat solid food. I can, however, drink beer and eat mushy crap like macaroni and cheese. I'd kill for a cheeseburger or a steak. Seriously.

It hurts like hell if I try to eat normal food so I haven't eat a whole lot in four days. Good side: I've already lost 2 pounds. Bad side: I AM FREAKIN' STARVING.

What's New, Pussycat?

Good: My former boss and I came to a deal but it requires me to do 10 hour/week of research and writing for the next 6 months in exchange for being paid $3000/month.

Bad: My love life is in the toilet again. He acts like I'm more of an irritant than anything. So in honor of that:

A Very Special Friday What the Hamster

Today's What the Hamster involves my current situation. Here's stuff that's happened this week that has made me say, "What the Hamster?"

1. My Ex-Boss. Look, laying me off from my $100k/year gig was bad enough but fucking me out of my "profit-sharing" contributions and a severance package to support my children makes you a douche bag. Not to mention I now have to buy my own malpractice insurance and CLE courses. Freakin' turd. Nothing that a letter to Travelers regarding billing fraud won't cure.
2. Xite Homes. I contracted with these douche bags to buy a house. Then I lost my job. Now they won't return my $1500 deposit that I need to put in my account. I've reported them to the BBB. Next step: Small claims.
3. Unemployment. They're holding my check because I honestly said I can't take just any old job that comes down the pike. Jeez, it's called RA so I can't stand for 8 hours or lift 50 pounds. Rotten government workers.
4. My Landlord. I'm in hock to him after losing my job. He finally got around to answering my, "What should we do about the lease," question I asked him a week ago. Either we modify it, or I'm out living in a box somewhere.
5. My Car. Never buy a Jag. Seriously. The bitch costs more to maintain than Paris Hilton. Now I have a "check engine" light on that could either be the cruise control or the transmission. Regardless, I refuse to spend another time on the POS. It's going back to the bank when I file bankruptcy anyway.

More British Hotness

For you, Sis.

What The Hostages Website Reminded Me Of...

It does not get any hotter than this (okay, Colin Firth runs second):

Happy Anniversary, Baby

Today marks what would have been my 7th wedding anniversary had my former spouse not lost his mind. In honor of that, I filed an Application for Contempt today with the court because he hasn't paid me my money. Oh, yes, he'll be pissed but I figure he'll get over it. Oh and here's a little song for him:

Working Like a Dog

I'm getting heartburn for not posting enough. So here's a post. As some of you know, I just launched my own firm after losing my $100k/year job without warning or a severance package. Let's face facts. I can't get hired by another firm because I'm old (hitting 42), infirmed (with rheumatoid arthritis), and a single parent. Law firms are probably the most discriminatory bastards out there so no way, no how are they hiring me when they can hire Joe Recent Grad for $30k/year.

I started picking up some family law referrals (do what you know, I say) and I've been working like a dog all week. Tomorrow, I get to go to a Temporary Order hearing in a little town about 30 miles west of here. One of those towns where the judge knows every lawyer in town and opposing counsel is one of those lawyers. These referrals are are low income ($50/hour) and I only get paid for 2 hours per client per month. Not really helping me pay bills so I need regular paying clients.

At any rate, I'll try to blog as much as I can while starting my new venture.

Woohoo, I'm Unemployed

Where the hell have I been? Good question. Glad you asked. Let's see, last week I was sailing around the Caribbean with my son, my sister and her friend. My sister paid for that so that I wouldn't go on a shooting spree.

The night before my trip, my boss called me on my cell phone to tell me they were, "letting me go," because, "the insurance company stopped paying." Due to the nature of the beast, our client's insurance company was footing the bill for defense costs. They got tired of paying.

So after nearly six years on the job, I'm canned. No offer of money or anything. Of course, after the call I'm freakin' out because I'm going on a trip I can't afford with no job to come home to. I call everyone I know boo-hooing on the phone.

Oh did I mention that I was the only over 40 with a disability single mother of the firm? The boss man tried to ease the pain by telling me that he canned the son of the office manager as well. Imagine my surprise when this fired employee gave me my box of crap today when I went to the office to turn in my key. Needless to say, I sent the boss a lovely severance package offer. As BiW told me, I know where the bodies are hidden.

So here I am. Unemployed with two kids to support, no spouse and rheumatoid arthritis. I have a better chance at winning the lottery than finding another job. I guess I need to hang out a shingle and try my luck.

The Caymans were lovely though.

What I Want

So as I sit here in the frozen tundra, freezing my ass off and wondering if the snow/sleet/freezing rain will ever stop (bite me, Al Gore), I took a minute to read some articles over at Big Hollywood (in between reading a deposition transcript and writing a Daubert motion).

Big Hollywood is the conservative side of Hollywood as opposed to say....Matt Damon, who thinks Bill Kristol is an idiot. This would be the same Bill Kristol who graduated with honors from Harvard and also has a PhD in government from Harvard. The same Bill Kristol who taught at the Kennedy School of Government. I believe Damon went to Harvard once to film a movie with that guy who's married to Jennifer Garner.

Anyway, the two noteworthy articles I looked at today was one by Gary Graham on abortion and another about how Ashley Judd said that, "it's so nice to be living in America again." I'm not sure where the hell she was living before but she said this at some-pro abortion party. At any rate, I'm not going to turn this post into an abortion issue but I will say that Gary Graham's article was different. Why? Because as a self-proclaimed drug user and womanizer, Mr. Graham has paid for more than his fair share of abortions. This is a view from the other side. I applaud him for his self-reflection on the issue.

I said last week that I was going to ignore the Obama Administration. I've changed my mind. These people are not only nuts but dangerous. Nancy Freakin Pelosi thinks that by funding more "family planning," it will stimulate the economy. Reading between the lines, more abortions =less people being born=less strain on the economy. Where the hell did she get the idea that over-population is the source of the recession. Nancy, please for the love of God, take an economics course.

Then Obama goes on Arab TV citing his Muslim background and relatives, practically a taboo issue during the U.S. presidential campaign, and said in the interview, which aired Tuesday, that one of his main tasks was to communicate to Muslims "that the Americans are not your enemy."

"He's different from the previous presidents, perhaps because of his color or his Islamic background. My views of America are different now than they were during the Bush administration," said Youssef Ali, 45, who works for the Iraqi Electricity Ministry in Baghdad.

"What I told him is start by listening, because all too often the United States starts by dictating," Obama told the interviewer

Remember when bringing up his Muslim background incited allegations of racism and lying? Having dealt with Muslims in the Army and understanding their culture, what this really means is that Obama is telling them that he is one of them. Scared yet?

Then there's the economy. The crap-ass economy that Obama is just now getting around to and the, "stimulus package," that is apparently so full of pork it should have Jimmy Dean written on it. Here's what Senator Jim DeMint has to say, "the Obama administration will “create crisis and widespread panic” just like its predecessor in order to get Congress to act expeditiously.

“I’ve been around long enough to know whenever someone tells me I have to make a decision right now, my response is no,” DeMint said. “That clears it up right away and I think more and more the Bush administration and now this administration knows that they’re not going to get a quick reaction out of Congress unless they create crisis and widespread panic. And that’s going to be their M.O. to get Congress to act.”

Oh and then there's Jon Stewart who said that Rush Limbaugh's criticism of Obama was treason. However, it was perfectly acceptable for him and other Hollywood idiots to criticize Bush for 8 years. Amazing how the 1st Amendment only applies to certain people.

What all this leads to is: I want my country back. Oh not the one of the last 8 years. I want baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. I don't want political correctness. I want to say someone is an idiot without getting sued or shot. I want my kids to be able to play outside without some pervert kidnapping one of them. I want men to act like men and women to act like women. Ladies, don't fool yourselves. We aren't any more equal than we were 50 years ago. The only difference now is that we HAVE to work because we never know when our spouse will decide he didn't mean the marriage vows. Schools need to get back to teaching and not indoctrination. I want the country our ancestors fought and died for at Bunker Hill, Gettysburg, and Omaha Beach. I'm tired of being dragged down the road to ruin by politicians who don't really care about any of us (regardless of the party). I want the place that immigrants came to because it was city upon the hill.

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Emma Lazarus

THAT'S what I want.

The Obama Diaries

1/25/09

Dear Diary:

I've been prez for almost a week now. A WHOLE WEEK. And have I accomplished stuff that my supporters asked me to or what. Here's what I've done:

1. Closed Gitmo. The "freedom fighters" currently living there will be shipped somewhere. We don't know no where yet. I checked into Alcatraz 'cause some Congressman (Right winger of course) suggested it. I found out that it was closed in the 1960s and is now a national park. Who knew? Then I thought maybe that place where they keep Charlie Manson but I figure that'd give old Charlie a new "family."

2. Overturned Abortion Funding Ban Overseas. Nothing says "America Loves You," like federally funded abortions for poor people in 3rd world countries. Hey, it's an economic stimulus for them. Less people = less people starving. It's a win-win. Pelosi thinks we can do the same thing here.

3. Banned Torture. Oh sure, they'd cut our heads off if they got the chance but we shouldn't stoop to their level by forcing information out of them that may save American lives. We are better than they are and we will show it by treating them nicely.

4. Tried to Figure Out the Economy. It's way harder than I thought. I thought that once I took office, everyone would cheer up and be happy and have jobs and buy stuff. It hasn't worked out that way. Don't they understand that I will make everything better?

5. New Emission Standards. Oh sure the US auto industry is in the toilet but they need to make cars that go at least 35 mpg. I'm not sure how they will pay for it since they came begging to us for money. Unless, of course, we tie their hands by forcing them to agree to that before they get our cash...

6. Re-Did My Oath of Office. Thanks to the Chief Justice hosing it, I had to re-take my oath so that right-wing nut jobs don't claim I'm not really president. Then we had to re-do the inauguration 'cause a bunch of people with tickets didn't get in. I swear, the Keystone Kops are running this place.

Stuff I Can't Make Up

From CraigsList (I've highlighted the really good parts. The fact that she's now Lutheran should explain to you my problems with the church.)

I am looking for a forever marriage partner. We need to be compatable in 5 areas. I think that this can be achieved in under 3 months of our dating relationship. I will not drag a relationship out past 3 months without commitment. My ring size is 8.

1. Religion / Spirituality The husband is the spiritual leader of the home. I need you to have a strong Christian faith & attend church at least a couple of times each month, maybe even a couple of times some weeks. I was saved as a child & water baptized in my college days. I go to a Lutheran church, but have gone to Baptist, Southern Baptist, Nazarene, Menonite, Penticostal, non-denominational, and several other denominations. I'm open to any Evangelical Christian denomination that you attend. I will be there at your side, actively participating in Bible study and church service, and I will gladly participate in couples & ladies activities at church & in private homes. I enjoy Apologetic debate because I am very well indoctrinated in several Christian denominations. I do dress up for Halloween. It is my favorite holiday because it is my one day to share the Gospel with the kids coming to my door. I believe in angels and their powers. You may want to ask me more about religious stuff later.

2. Physical Attraction A good wrestling match, as I call it, is what I am looking for. I'd like you to be similar in size & age to me. I realize that some young guys like older women, so you are also welcome to reply if you like what you see. I am 42 years old, 5'7" barefoot & around 200-210 lbs. I would prefer that you are within 3 in. shorter of my height up to 9 in. taller. There needs to be some physical attraction, so I expect a pic of you that includes your face & hair-do. Your tattoos, if you have any, need to be able to be covered up when dressed. I have no tattoos, and never will want any. I'm not into piercings at all. There are no extra holes in me. If you color your hair, I want to know what the original color was. My hair will soon be dyed blond. My hair is natural light brown. I naturally have very little body hair. I only shave my lower legs & arm pits.

3. Emotional / Romantic Let's talk about falling in love. It may or may not happen instanteneously. It may take a few dates. For starters, you need to open the doors, pay for the meal, pay for the movie, etc. Chivalry is not completely dead! I expect to be treated as a lady & I expect you to act like a complete gentleman. Come sweep me off my feet & woo me! I prefer live flowers, I'm not into chocolates, and candles are not all that enjoyable to me. Back massages are great! Let's hold hands & talk. Let's watch a movie at home. Let's stare at the stars in the night sky. Let's walk across a bridge. Let's pick wild flowers. Let's watch the bird at the park & have a picnic. Let's ride rollercoasters! Let's go for a short walk downtown together. Let's go get ice cream. Let's have fun!

4. Conversation / Intellectual We need to be able to talk about anything & everything! You having a high IQ would be a bonus! I would appreciate a good intellectual match. I do have gifted children. They will appreciate a bright step-dad! Let's talk about food. I'm a very good cook, but what I cannot fix easily I just simply go out to eat to enjoy. I can fix most any typical home cooked meal. I am severely alergic to oat, while egg yolk & milk just disagrees with me. Let's talk about occupation & education. I am a biochemist by education, but I'm 12 years out of the loop. I am job hunting, so this means I have a lot of time to devote to dating you. I have mostly worked fast food & chemistry before children. Since the legal separation, I have worked as a security officer & at a fast food joint. Since the divorce, I worked as a nanny & at a call center. Let's talk about medical / physical / mental / health problems & issues. I am recovering from left leg trauma, but I get around & walk pretty good. My left leg was run over 3 1/2 years ago in a freak accident. I am otherwise in excellent health. I am only missing 1 tooth, as I was a poor teenager & I could not afford to save it. My teeth are mostly straight, except for the top left tooth up front. My top front teeth have been knocked out 3 times, & I just shoved them right back in! Let's talk about living arrangements. I do live in the upstairs of my parents' home in Coffeyville. Let's talk about finances. The economy is terrible here in Coffeyville! I own my car free & clear & I have zero debt. I also own stock. My income is alimony - child support = spousal support. Let's talk about how one dresses. I dress business casual to semi-formal daily. I don't dress down. I wear very little jewelry. I wear my watch & ring, plus broaches on my coats / jackets & a necklace from my best girlfriend. Let's talk about family. I'm the oldest of 4 kids. My 2 brothers & their families live here in Coffeyville. My sister & her family lives in Dewey / Bartlesville. I live with my parents here in Coffeyville. Let's talk about kids. My ex has our girls, ages 11 & 10. He has joint residential custody. They live in Overland Park. There is very little drama. I'm ok with my mate having a couple of kids and any number of teens on up. Teenagers are my favorite age group. I can't hardly wait until my girls are teenagers. My car has 3 booster seats, so I can haul your little kids safely & legally, just like I do my young nieces & nephew. I can also babysit. I have no intentions of making any more babies. Let's talk about politics. Actually, let's not. I support the President 100%, but I don't vote. I am also very pro-life. Let's leave it at that. Let's talk about TV. I really don't care about TV, but I will gladly watch whatever you like by your side, or let you be with your game or show while I do more important things, such as tucking in the kids or doing laundry. I like murder / mystery, sci-fi & game shows, plus watching movies. My ex-husband & ex-boyfriend, plus my best girlfriend, were all StarTrek fanatics. So if you like StarTrek, or even just sci-fi, I know I will like you.

5. Sexuality / Sensuality Let's talk about sex. I am perfectly willing to talk about what I enjoy sexually & what you enjoy sexually. Please don't even ask me to touch your ____ or ask if you can touch my ______. I don't care if society is changing & you want to try the goods before you buy them. I will do my best to wait until we are engaged to be married for the 2nd. base fun stuff, and sex is (IMO) for within marriage only. If you believe otherwise, please move on to the next ad. I'm not interested in a booty call. I'm absolutely not interested in co-habitation / shacking up. I prefer to be on the receiving end or equal partnership, rather than being the aggressor in the relationship. My ex & I were both virgins when we got married. This will give you a good starting point for our conversation, which is so vitally important, especially since I am intersex. Let's talk about jammies. I'm not into wearing sexy lingerie, but I'm open to you wearing whatever you like. I like t-shirt dresses & shorts myself. I am severely allergic to latex, so let's not even go there on wearing latex anything. No S&M. The bedroom is to be latex-free! Please don't ask me to swing, do a 3- or 4- some, or anything else along those lines. If you ladies reading my ad want to be my friends, well by all means, please reply! I could use a few more lady friends. If you like to get in touch with your feminine side, I'm cool by that! I'd prefer a girly man anyway! I can keep your secrets safe. I'm not into macho muscle guys anyway! I like a softer touch.

Now that we've covered the 5 points, I'd like to tell you a little bit more about myself.

Hobbies & Interests
1. I enjoy sewing crafts, such as row quilts, dog beds, & corn bags. I could make a stay-at-home business out of my sewing hobby.

2. I enjoy medical internet research. I consider medical research to be my life-long pursuit.
3. I enjoy playing card / dice / board games, such as Catan & Ticket to Ride with my extended family.

Community
1. I enjoy going to community events, such as bake sales, chicken noodle dinners, pancake feeds, salad luncheons, Dinner with the Doctor, Pretty in Pink, etc.
2. I enjoy participating in ladies religious activities, such as quilt making, Mom's 'n' Mentors, etc.

Friendships
1. I have one best girlfriend. We spend a lot of time together going out to eat, shopping, and mostly just talking. We text a lot!
2. I have lots of chat pals & email pals. I am also friends in person with a few of them.
3. My extended family members are my friends! We have lots of fun together! I'm waiting to hear from you. I'll gladly drive down there to meet you. The Tulsa metro is such a short drive away. I hardly consider that short of a drive to be long distance. Being around smoke makes me sick & I don't care for alcohol. I don't mind any if you drink socially, but please don't drink to get drunk around me or my kids. Please write back soon!

(This wouldn't be soooooo damn bad if it weren't for the pictures she included.)