Thursday, July 31, 2008

Truth in Advertising

While perusing the local weekly tabloid to see if they had pictures of those fab white boots Spud's been seen sporting, I found this ad*:

Successful Men Love Beautiful Women

Beautiful Women Love Successful Men


BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WANTED

We are seeking stunning, stylish, trophy-wife quality women , 30-40 years old who desire a pampered lifestyle with a man of means. Be single & serious about meeting our older, handsome & affluent bachelors. This could truly change your life!

HURRY & REGISTER WHILE THESE MEN ARE STILL AVAILABLE.
Registration is always free for beautiful women. Call today to see if you qualify.
Other programs available

The Matchmaker


Why don't they just say what they mean? Here's the truthful version:

Whores wanted for old rich guys.
Must be young and pretty and willing to screw a
nasty old dude for money.

I do love the, "other programs available," though. Like what? Quasi-beautiful women for less affluent men? Homely women for broke guys?

(*Page 57)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Then This Happens...

There are times when I think the Almighty has it out for yours truly. For example, this:







What is that? That is a spider bite that the doc thinks might have been made by a brown recluse. His words of wisdom: "See that purple? That may be your tissue dying. If your skin opens up, come back and see me." Gee, you think?

I think I need to go back to church or something. I'm tired of the attention getters I keep receiving. Oh and they put me on steroids and antibiotics. I have no idea why.

(*Note: It's on my upper left thigh just in case anyone is curious.)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

And The Final Straw...

So you went and met with them without me? He is the owner/agent, so that could be a real problem with me being able to represent you. And...your sister wouldn't get a referral fee unless I'm involved.

This refers to me looking at the property I've now decided to buy since I can't get anyone involved with the 1st house to guarantee that if the 2nd appraisal comes back under the listing price, the sellers will meet the appraisal price. I don't think I'm being unreasonable nor should I be left hanging until the last minute. However, bringing my sister up is a low blow. I'd rather pay her myself, thank you very much.

I don't have the time sit around and wait for people who can't make a decision. Either they want to sell their house or they don't. If they don't, then hand me back my earnest money and call it a day.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

There's Just No Pleasing Some People

I've become frustrated with my realtor and this house which has become a millstone around my neck. So I put an ad in on Craigslist listing it for sale or lease last night. This is after I spent $63 putting it in the local paper (with no results). This morning I get a response from a lady who is relocating here from Spain with her family and she'd like to look at the house this week. She also wanted to know if there was a lease option available.

So I'm all excited and I email my agent. Did I get a, "THAT'S GREAT!" No. I got, "Have you talk to the bank and your new lender about this?" No, I haven't talk to the bank since I gave her authority to negotiate with them and yes, I was told that as long as I lease it close to the mortgage payment, the new lender doesn't care. Talk about a buzz kill. Jeez. I'm just trying to help out and I get smacked in the head.

Keep in mind, I have had no offers, about a half dozen showings, and no open houses in the nearly 3 months it's been on the market. Oh and the appraisal for the house I'm under contract for came in at $20k UNDER their asking price. Having re-signed the contract three damn times due to the sellers, I feel confident in saying that they aren't going to lower their asking price even though they sent the appraisal back for review.

So here I am, two weeks out from the new school year (which was my target move date) without a buyer but with a possible lessee and she's giving me shit. Don't get me wrong. She's a nice enough lady. I just think she isn't being aggressive enough.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Thanks and The Dish of the Day

It's been a long week. Thanks to my sister and DD for their advice even though the problem remains. Thanks to BiW and Abbadon for not laughing at me.


Okay, here's the dish of the day. Today I went younger. A lot younger. This kid is young enough to be my kid but that doesn't stop him from being hot. Plus he shares my birthday, albeit 19 years apart. Most know him from his role as poor Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Today's Dish of the Day is: Robert Pattinson.





Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Yes, I'm Still Alive...

The Boss Man is working my ass to death hence why I haven't posted. I did take the kids to see The Dark Knight over the weekend. Completely taken by surprised. It was a lot darker than I thought and in my opinion, not suitable for small children. Heath Ledger's performance was stellar. Different from Jack Nicholson's performance in that Ledger's was clearly more psychotic who killed for the love of killing. No wonder the man couldn't sleep. It's definitely worth going to see, even if it is 2 1/2 hours long.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Friday's What the Hamster?

Well, what a strange week it's been. Not only in my personal life (see previous posts) but also in the news. Banks are closing, prices are rising, employers are firing people....where have I seen this before? Oh, yeah, the Crash of 1929 which was also fueled by rampant speculation. Anyway, here are my favorite stories of the week:

1. America is Fat. According to the CDC, we are a nation of fatties with the South taking 1st place in that category. Well, duh. All you have to do is look around to see how huge everyone is. The CDC blames poverty, claiming that high fat, high calorie foods are cheaper to buy as well as the South's tendency to deep fry EVERYTHING (like Twinkies). I don't buy the first part. Eating is a choice and people can buy fruit, vegetables, etc for the same price as a box of Ho Ho's except fruits and veggies aren't nearly as yummy as a Ho Ho. It's called laziness so let's call a spade a spade.


2. PETA'S Get Knocked Up Ad. PETA is launching an ad showing 2 parents urging their teenage daughter to "have a lot of sex" and push out as many kids as she can. Why? To call attention to the overpopulation of pets. Oh yeah, that's a GREAT idea. Do the people at PETA just smoke too much dope or what?


3. Best Man Set on Fire by Groom. This is what happens when you're too nice to people. The best man, who paid for this idiot's wedding 6 weeks prior, was set on fire after the two of them returned from a night on the town. The groom had fought with his new bride and went to stay at the best man's house. After beating the hell out of his best ma and setting him on fire, the groom stole $68k, a cell phone (in which he called escort services) and a car. I think this should be the What the Hamster story of the week.


4. Lawyer Drops His Pants at a News Conference. There are just some things I don't need to see and this is one. One of the Gitmo lawyers, to demonstrate the treatment of prisoners at Gitmo, dropped his pants at a news conference. If you click the link, you can see an example of the legal profession in his tighty whiteys. Mr. Remes, a Harvard law grad, is a partner at Covington & Burling law firm.


5. Obama Has 300 Advisers on Foreign Policy. Okay, does anyone else find this scary? 300? Oh we are so in trouble if this rube gets elected.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

These Boots Were Made for Walking...

Well, Stubs descent into insanity continues. He apparently showed up to some awards deal last week with some skank and wearing boots that looked like this and spiked hair. Then I hear from my new admin. that she had some 20-21 year old friends who attended that little soiree who said some weird guy was hitting on all the women. So of course, I asked her to ask them if he was wearing those boots. The first 2 couldn't remember and the 3rd said, "Hey, how did you know about the boots?" They thought he was gay at first.

Apparently, Stubs was drunk off his ass and hitting on them and trying to buy them drinks that were free. Yes, sir, that's my man. Anyway, here's what I'm picturing:



Of course, I have some boots as well but they're more like these:

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Brett Favre is a Whiner

There I said it. All you Packer Backers and Favre Fans can lump it. First he retired. Now he wants to play but not for Green Bay, a city that has supported his a$$ for years, because "he doesn't feel welcomed." Now comes this report that Tampa Bay is "too hot" and he wants to play and practice in a cooler climate.

Okay, this mo-ron is from the Mississippi Delta and it don't get no hotter than that. Even in Tampa. When did he become such a panty-waist or was he always this way and that's why the Green Bay fans are tired of him?

Jeez, Brett, grow a pair and just say you want to play for Dallas or New England or San Francisco. You know, where you can be the David Beckham of the NFL.

The Cat Lady

Okay, so I've resolved never to date again. Or at least not in this decade. From what I've seen, the pickings are slim and quite frankly, I don't know who's lying and who ain't. I put in real information because it never dawned on me to make one up (which is what I should have done). Like Tammy Trailertrash or something. Anyway, at the risk of sounding like a cold-hearted snob, if I say I'm a lawyer making between $100 & $150k per year, what are the odds I'm going to talk to some cowboy-looking dude out in BFE who's looking for a "good woman who ain't into head games?"

So my research has afforded me the following: my STBX is a lying sack of hamster crap (yeah, duh), there are more desperate people than ever before, and I could get a date tomorrow if I'd just lowered my standards. However, lowering my standards is why I have two idiots for former spouses. Like I said, I'll be the little old crazy lady who talks to her cats.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

StubsPub Update

So today I get a bizarro email from Match.com that said:


Date received: July 15, 2008
Subject: just out of curiosity

how is the search going?

And it was signed with Bud's real first name so I thought it was Bud. I sent the poor man a text message saying, "I'm not searching for anything." So he calls 'cause he has no idea what the hell I'm on about and I said, "You didn't send me an email from Match.com that said 'how's the search going?" Of course he said, "No, I'm not even at home and wouldn't go on that site." So now I think, "Okay, Spud is playing games," cause most of these emails are the, "Oh you're cute," variety and not something like that. So now I look totally hamster mental to Bud which totally stresses me out even more 'cause I think I'm going nuts.

So Bud, being Bud, called Spud and essentially threatened him within an inch of is life that if he's posing as him that was it. Of course Spud denies not only that but that he even has a profile called "StubsPub." What do you know that the profile under "StubsPub" is now gone. Go figure. Yes, it's driving me nuts. However, I printed off the profile before it was deleted.

A Song for StubsPub

I thought this was appropriate:

Monday, July 14, 2008

Guess What I Found...

SBTX's profile on Match.com. Believe it or not, we match 18 of 25 but I didn't know he was into porn or skinny dipping:


stubspub
Wanted - Social Butterfly Who Understands Quiet Time
Active over 3 weeks ago
39-year-old man
Oklahoma, United States
seeking women 28-40
within 50 miles of Oklahoma, United States


Relationships:
Currently Separated
Have kids:
Yes, and they live away from home (2)
Want kids:
Probably not
Ethnicity:
White / Caucasian
Body type:
About average
Height:
6'1" (185cms)
Religion:
Christian / Protestant
Smoke:
Occasionally
Drink:
Regularly


In my own words
for fun:
Hang out with good friends and travel. Camping, hiking, and mountain biking are also favorites as well as a good motorcycle ride.
my job:
I own my own business in the service industry
favorite hot spots:
A good restaurant, bar or pub with live music. None of that chain stuff. I've traveled extensively and want to do so again. I've always wanted ski Switzerland.
favorite things:
I like to go out because I'm in the service industry and enjoy seeing what other places are doing but I also like a night just sitting on the couch watching mindless tv to wind down and take a break.
last read:
I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe. Great book.


About my life and what I'm looking for
Just looking for someone who understands the kind of industry that I'm in. Someone who is confident in themselves enough to understand that if something develops between us they shouldn't have to worry about interactions with other people. I can be moody, I can be arrogant, but I also know what I want and make sure that a woman is treated right. I also have a pretty sharp wit and love to laugh and cut up with people once I get to know them. My match is going to be someone who understands the demands I face owning a business and can handle being in both business and social environments. My match will want to have fun but will also understand that sometimes it's nice to just sit and watch mindless TV or a movie with each other. Because of my business I have a tendency to be rather discreet so I have not posted a pic. I can provide one when requested.


About me
Hair:
Salt and pepper
Eyes:
Blue
Best Feature:
Eyes
Body art:
Pierced ear(s)
Sports and exercise:
Cycling,
Billiards / Pool,
Soccer,
Bowling
Exercise habits:
Exercise 1-2 times per week
Daily diet:
Keep it healthy
Interests
Camping,
Dining out,
Movies/Videos,
Music and concerts
Education:
Bachelors degree
Occupation:
Self Employed
Income:
No answer
Languages:
English
Politics:
Middle of the Road
Sign:
Don't display my sign
My Place:
Live alone
Pets I have:
No answer
Pets I like:
Dogs,
Horses


About my date
Hair:
Any
Eyes:
Any
Height:
5'4" (162cms) to 6'0" (182cms)
Body type:
About average,
Athletic and toned,
Slender
Languages:
Any
Ethnicity:
Any
Faith:
Christian / Protestant,
Spiritual but not religious
Education:
Some college,
Associates degree,
Bachelors degree,
Graduate degree,
PhD / Post Doctoral
Job:
Any
Income:
Any
Smoke:
Occasionally
Drink:
Social drinker, maybe one or two,
Regularly
Relationships:
Never Married,
Widowed,
Currently Separated,
Divorced
Have kids:
Any
Want kids:
Probably not,
No way,
Not sure
Turn-ons:
Boldness / Assertiveness,
Brainiacs,
Candlelight,
Erotica,
Flirting,
Long hair,
Money,
Power,
Public displays of affection,
Skinny dipping,
Thunderstorms

Online Dating

As mentioned yesterday, I cruised the wily world of Internet dating to do some research. I haven't been in the dating game in nearly 8 years. After yesterday, here's what I've discovered:

  1. I am sooooooooooo not ready to date. That should ease the minds of friends and family, some of whom seem to think that I think I, "need a man." I don't and never have which is why I've been able to live sans one for years at a time.
  2. There are a lot of weird people out there. That's a big "duh," I know. But some can't even read. If I put in 39-51 in the age group, why would you think I'd even talk to a 26 year old who's sign in name is "biker guy?" I know why and that brings me to point 3....
  3. Putting the fact that you earn a 6-figure income on your profile gets a lot of attention. I'm beginning to think that I could have 2 heads and look like a troll and there'd still be guys who say, "You're very pretty."
  4. Ever want to be truly entertained, read what some of them write. It's like they picked up the nearest romance novel and copied it. I actually saw one who said he liked long walks. I'm not trying to be catty but guys, listen up: Be genuine. Be honest. Don't prose on about how you're looking for the "right one" or "love is real," whatever. We know you're full of crap.

Anyway, I deleted the profiles after seeing that, given the pickings, I WILL become the old crazy lady with all the cats. At least they won't tell me how they'd never thought they'd feel this way....

Sunday, July 13, 2008

My Future Spouse


(Courtesy of Abbadon and Pamibe, who did the actual work).

Yeah, that's really me in the photo.

My Personality Profile

Because it's Sunday morning and I had nothing else to do, I went to this site called Chemistry.com. I figure if the STBX can date half the town, it wouldn't hurt for me to look at what's available (unfortunately not much as I have high standards). Anyway, they do a personality inventory and here's mine (tell me this isn't dead on me):


Your Major and Minor Personality Types

Characteristics of all four personality types can be found within each of us, but there is almost always one personality type that is dominant. We call this the major personality type. The Chemistry Profile also identifies your minor or secondary personality type. You exhibit some aspects of this personality type, though not to the same degree as with your major type.

Your major personality type = Negotiator
Your minor personality type = Builder


You are a NEGOTIATOR/builder

You care about the big picture. You are comfortable with large, ambiguous issues. You carefully weigh all of the variables involved, and regularly come up with imaginative solutions to complex problems.

You are friendly and humane. You have a big heart; you tend to trust people and sympathize with them easily. You want to make others happy and self-confident. So you work to build supportive networks among friends and kin.

Your empathy and kindness spill over into a desire to make the world a better place. And with your resilience and creativity, your ability to do many things at the same time, and your cleverness with words, you can be remarkably effective at improving the lives of others.

You are ambitious for your family and friends, but not always for yourself. You like an environment of sharing and consensus and you enjoy working in teams and planning long term.

You tend to be socially well-adjusted and skilled at inspiring others to reach their goals. So you are an empathetic and engaging companion.

Oh and what's the Builder? Usually very popular. Deep attachment to home and family. Calm demeanor and low anxiety. Often consistent, loyal and protective.

I sound so perfect, I'd date me. What the hell's the problem with the men?

Saturday, July 12, 2008

R.I.P. Tony Snow (1955-2008)

Former White House press secretary and Fox News anchor Tony Snow died today of colon cancer. He was 53. I liked Tony Snow and had the cancer not returned, he would have most likely remained at the White House, giving old bats like Helen Thomas a run for their money.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Dish of the Day

So my sister suggested I pick the guy who played Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. Unfortunately, he's dead so it doesn't count. Unless, of course, she's referring to this version. At any rate, it's too complicated for my little brain so I'm moving on to my next choice: Ralph Fiennes (pronounced Ray Fines). Who the hell is he, you ask? Amon Goeth in Schindler's List, Count Laszlo de Almasy in The English Patient, Charles Van Doren in Quiz Show, and Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. And apparently a very naughty boy if the rumors are to be believed...









Friday's What the Hamster?

No, I haven't been blogging much lately. I'm working my hamster off and I have so many people riding my hamster that I should start selling tickets. Anyway, here's the "what the hamster" stories for this week.

1. "Black Hole" is a racial slur. Proving that our next story is true, is this one from Dallas. A black official complained that the use of the word "black hole" by a county commissioner to describe the county collections office was a racial slur. The county commissioner tried to explain to this genius that a black hole refers to a space anomaly and not black people. However, that wasn't good enough and said black official went on to describe how "devil's food cake" is also racist: "So if it's 'angel food cake,' it's white. If it's 'devil's food cake,' it's black. If you're the 'black sheep of the family,' then you gotta be bad, you know. 'White sheep,' you're okay. You know?" Price said. Price said people should watch their words when it comes to stereotypes. To quote Dr. Evil: "Riiiiiiiiiight."
2. Phil Gramm, "We are a nation of whiners." Amen, Brother Phil, amen. Actually, the former senator and current McCain advisor was referring to American leaders whining about the economy but I have to extend it further to say that we have become a nation of whiners. We bitch about everything, from the price of gas (I'm guilty) to the dumb hamster comments made by the idiot in the story above. We need to get over ourselves and do what our forefathers did: grab ourselves by the bootstraps and carry on.
3. Jessie Jackson Thinks Obama's Hamsters Should be Cut Off. Showing again what's wrong with the black community (yeah, I'm going there), Jesse Jackson was filmed making a comment to Julian Bond about how he'd like to cut Obama's hamsters off 'cause he ain't their kind of black man or something. Listen, if the black community ever wants to progress they need to get over the idea that a successful, educated black man or woman is somehow less black. I've seen them shred Colin Powell and Condi Rice for the same thing. Just because they don't wallow in the victim mentality that Jackson, Sharpton, et al like to push doesn't mean they're in Whitey's pocket. Get over the victimhood and do something for yourselves instead of expecting white politicians like Clinton to help you out.
4. No Fido Stew in China. In an effort not to offend those of us who consider dogs pets and not dishes, officially designated Olympic restaurants in Beijing have taken dog off the menu during the Olympics. Other restaurants have been asked to encourage local patrons not to order their favorite dog meat delight during the Olympics. That's just nasty.
5. Ex-Diplomat Just Practicing Local Customs. In an effort to prevent himself from becoming Bubba's love slave for the next 10 years, a former US diplomat who was convicted of having sex with underage girls in the Congo and Brazil said he was merely following local customs. "In the Congo, women develop quickly, both physically and emotionally, due to the substantial responsibility society places on them from early childhood," Nachman wrote. "In Kinshasa, the vast majority of teenagers are sexually active with men that are substantially older. ... Their main concern is marrying young girls to men with financial stability, a concern dating thousands of years and cutting across cultural lines." See, he was just doing as they do. Yeah, I can see this as a future defense for all pedophiles who get convicted of sex with minors in foreign lands.
6. More Kids Having Kids. Like this is a shocker in a time when we lauded Jamie Lynn Spears for getting knocked up. Anyway, teenage pregnancy has risen 4% after remaining flat for a decade. Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and FOX News contributor, said the recent reversal in the trend of declining teen pregnancy is a grave concern. He said young people, especially girls, are looking for ways to connect with themselves and others in an “increasingly technology-driven world.” One way to do that is to have a baby. (I love that guy's name) And that’s really a self-centered act. You’ve basically declared that it’s all about you. Those people who are [acting] in this way may be the worst role models.” The real shocker of this story: 38% of babies born in this country are to unwed mothers. 38%. Again, we laud Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for their unwed parenting and then can't figure out why our rates are so high. Jeez, people, get a clue.
7. Charlie Rangel Gets Perks. Again, color you surprised. Notorious race-baiting member of Congress Charlie Rangel (chairman of the Ways and Means Committee) apparently rents 4 apartments at a Harlem apartment building for less than half of the going rate. 3 of these apparently make up his penthouse while the 4th, against city ordinances, makes up his campaign office. Oh and the owner of the building donated thousands to his campaign. Rangel claims the deal does not affect how he represents his constituents. Dr. Evil says, "Riiiiiight."

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Vampires

Last night I had dreams about vampires. I was a vampire too but the kids weren't and I was trying to protect them. Then Bela Lugosi shows up dressed as Dracula and tries to teach me how to be a vampire. I told him that I didn't need his help and I was perfectly capable of figuring it out.

Yeah, weird, huh? Okay all you amateur Freuds, analyze THAT.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Karma

Here's a story that defines Karma: A guy shoots his estranged wife, takes their kid and flees to Mexico only to get hit by a bus while crossing the street. The kid was found in a church where Dad left him before going to meet his Maker. Mom is in the hospital and expected to recover.

See? Everyone gets theirs in the end.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Divorce, Brinkley Style

Anyone else following the Christie Brinkley divorce spectacle? Brinkley filed for divorce from Peter Cook (no, not the British comedian) after being told of her husband's affair with an 18 year old girl. Who told her about it? The girl's dad, who is a cop. Keep in mind, Mr. Cook was 47 at the time. He also paid the girlfriend $300k in hush money in addition to giving her money to buy a new car.

Along with that little revelation came the story of Mr. Cook's fondness for porn. To the tune of $3k a month because he claimed that was the only way he and Brinkley could get in the mood. Now, I'm sorry but Christie Brinkley is still a beautiful woman at 52 and if you can't heat her up that's your fault. Never mind the fact that this pathetic excuse for a man was also cruising pickup sites looking for "good-looking girls who are young and fit." That just makes me want to say, "Eewwwwwww."

Of course, his attorney is whining about what a great actress Brinkley is and how this doesn't need to be out in public, blah, blah, blah. I guess his client should have kept his pants zipped. He brought it on himself by acting like an idiot and chasing girls.

I guarantee you that if mine goes to trial, it will look surprisingly similar to the Brinkley saga. Minus the porn 'cause I don't know if he was into that or not.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

New Bedroom

So here's what I've been doing other than working a billion hours a week to justify my salary. I'm trying to repaint all the bedrooms to a neutral color so that potential buyers don't get scared away at the prospect of having to actually pick up a paint brush.

I started with my bedroom, which, if you recall, first looked like this:



Then became this:



And is now this:







What happened to the old furniture? I sold it to my Hispanic housekeeper for $600.

Now I only have 3 bedrooms and a ceiling to go...

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Dish of the Day

I didn't do this yesterday because it was the 4th of July and I figured a little tribute was in order. In keeping with the revolutionary theme, today's dish of the day came to the attention of US audiences for his role as the downright evil Colonel Tavington in The Patriot. He's been seen recently as Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter films and as Captain Hook in Peter Pan. Bonus: He has a law degree. Today's Dish of the Day is Jason Isaacs.








Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th of July

Today is America's 232nd birthday. It was in 1776 that we told the British what they could do with their monarchy. In the last 232 years, we've fought a war to end slavery and foreign wars to end oppression in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. We've lost millions of our own people to secure the rights of others, even if those people don't fully appreciate our sacrifice. America may not be perfect, but it still stands as a symbol of freedom, "a shining city on a hill." Enjoy these words spoken and/or written by some of our greatest citizens:

The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing is worth a war is worse. The man who has nothing which he cares about more than his personal safety is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

Standing on the tiny deck of the Arabella in 1630 off the Massachusetts coast, John Winthrop said, "We will be as a city upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us, so that if we deal falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken and so cause Him to withdraw His present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world." Well, we have not dealt falsely with our God, even if He is temporarily suspended from the classroom.

Somehow America has bred a kindliness into our people unmatched anywhere, as has been pointed out in that best-selling record by a Canadian journalist. We are not a sick society. A sick society could not produce the men that set foot on the moon, or who are now circling the earth above us in the Skylab. A sick society bereft of morality and courage did not produce the men who went through those years of torture and captivity in Vietnam. Where did we find such men? They are typical of this land as the Founding Fathers were typical. We found them in our streets, in the offices, the shops and the working places of our country and on the farms.

We cannot escape our destiny, nor should we try to do so. The leadership of the free world was thrust upon us two centuries ago in that little hall of Philadelphia. In the days following World War II, when the economic strength and power of America was all that stood between the world and the return to the dark ages, Pope Pius XII said, "The American people have a great genius for splendid and unselfish actions. Into the hands of America God has placed the destinies of an afflicted mankind."

We are indeed, and we are today, the last best hope of man on earth.

Ronald Reagan, Speech to the First Conservative Political Action Conference, January 25, 1974

I've spoken of the shining city all my political life, but I don't know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said it. But in my mind it was a tall proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds living in harmony and peace, a city with free ports that hummed with commerce and creativity, and if there had to be city walls, the walls had doors and the doors were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That's how I saw it and see it still.

And how stands the city on this winter night? More prosperous, more secure, and happier than it was eight years ago. But more than that; after 200 years, two centuries, she still stands strong and true on the granite ridge, and her glow has held steady no matter what storm. And she's still a beacon, still a magnet for all who must have freedom, for all the pilgrims from all the lost places who are hurtling through the darkness, toward home.

Ronald Reagan, Farewell Address, January 11, 1989

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe -- the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state, but from the hand of God.

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans, born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.

John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war.

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate. . .we cannot consecrate. . . we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be here dedicated to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us. . .that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion. . . that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain. . . that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom. . . and that this government of the people. . .by the people. . .for the people. . . shall not perish from the earth.

Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, November 19, 1863

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Preamble, United States Constitution, ratified September 17, 1787

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Legal Story of the Day

Since I receive an online newsletter from the ABA that usually contains interesting if not downright hilarious legal news, I thought I'd start a new feature here called, "Legal Story of the Day." Today's story is about a family court judge who was reprimanded for being sarcastic to litigants and calling one an asshole. Having been in family court, I understand where he's coming from. Here are the excerpts:

A New York state judge says he won’t fight a reprimand for speaking to litigants in a tone of voice deemed to be sarcastic, angry and scolding. He was also cited for telling staffers that a litigant was an “asshole.”

In one case, Pines told a litigant who was seeking custody while in jail that his testimony was “inane” and his interest in joint custody was “patently ridiculous.” Nonetheless, the commission found the litigant was not denied a fair trial.

In another case, both parents were in jail. Pines told the parents: “Neither one of you are in any position to take care of these children. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not in a position to take care of pets, much less children.” The parties later agreed on a custody and visitation plan.

In the third case, after the parties had left the courtroom, Pines twice called one of the litigants an “asshole” in the presence of courthouse staff. Two dissenting members of the conduct commission said the “asshole” remark should not be sanctioned since Pines was speaking in private conversation with two court staffers and disqualified himself from the case.

Personally, I think the judge ought to be commended for telling jailbird parents the truth. If we stopped being so namby-pamby to people, maybe they'd take better care of their offspring. Oh and this is why I'll never be a judge. I'd make this guy look tame.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Working Two Jobs Sucks Hamsters

So my fellow cohort in crime at the office had shoulder surgery and is out for the next 30 days. As my boss told me today, I'm carrying the entire office on my shoulders and I could put us out of business. Oh no pressure or anything. Never mind the fact that I'm in the middle of an ugly divorce and trying to sell my house. Hence the lack of posting. It's a lack of time.

Speaking of said divorce, Skippy got a visit from his lawyer late this afternoon with my revised demand letter. I'm surprised they didn't see that explosion from the International Space Station. Skippy's lawyer is supposed to call mine tomorrow morning and let her know all the colorful language Skippy used when he said I can go hamster myself.

Oh, I bought a Sterns and Foster bed this weekend. No, I couldn't afford it. No, I still can't pay the mortgage. However, I couldn't sleep on that mortuary slab I had as a bed any longer because it was killing my joints. I was only getting about 4 hours of sleep per night because I couldn't get comfortable. I guess I really am "financially irresponsible."

Other than working my hamster off and painting every bedroom in the house a neutral color so that someone will buy the place, nothing much going on here. And the news is just too damn depressing to even comment on. Why yes, I am on my 3rd Corona...