- Stop Being a Doormat. Yes, I'm too nice to people which explains the deadbeat ex-husbands and lying-ass landlords. Starting tomorrow, unless you are friends, a significant other, and/or family, you can kiss my ass. I'll just assume you're lying to me so that if you aren't, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
- Lose Some of My Fat Self. I'm topping the scales out at 143 pounds now, up from a svelte 125 from Spring. I'm not even digging the big hooties any more 'cause they just make my back hurt. Goal is to get down to say, 130 or so.
- Get Into My Job. Sure, it can be downright boring but I do get paid well.
- Start my MPH program. That would be a Master's in Public Health which I start on Monday. This is so I can parlay what I now do into a job in the health law arena.
- Find New Hobbies. Time for me to start doing stuff I've always wanted to do. Like travel and maybe a cooking class or wine tasting.
- Start a budget. Don't laugh. I mean it.
- Be a better parent. This includes homeschooling both of my offspring.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
My New Year's Resolutions
Here's a list of crap I hope to accomplish when this suck ass year ends. I'll even actually attempt to accomplish most, if not, all of them.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
So Long To A Screwed Up Year
I wish I could say that the close of 2008 would bring an end to the craziness, stupidity, and general wrongness of the year, but I'm afraid that it won't. How wonderful is that? What am I talking about?
1. Iran nears completion of its nuclear program. Seriously, is the world going just sit around and talk while chimpanzees figure out how to operate a flamethrower?
2. Michigan Football has its worst season in my living memory. Ok, I joke with my Buckeye boss about us being allowed a rebuilding year once every ten or fifteen years, but we didn't even make it to a consolation bowl game, and Michigan State did. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
3. The Democrats wreck the economy... by demanding banks give mortgages to people who can possibly pay them back, refuse to let us exploit our own oil resources as gas nears $5.00 a gallon, their candidate for President is remains a cypher even after his nomination, and they win the White House, The House, and The Senate? It's true. We have become an Idiocracy, and we have the government we deserve.
4. Hollyweird Continues to Crank Out Hate America First Movies...like 'Stop Loss', 'War Inc.', and other stinkers that insinuate or outright claim that WE are the bad guys and savages in the world, and then is surprised when they tank at the box office. Memo to the studio heads: We want to be entertained, not preached at by a bunch of clueless over sized egos who are insulated from the real world by their exorbitant salaries. You don't know dick about politics, the economy or reality. You are actors. If you were capable of understanding such things, you'd have real jobs. Now go make a good movie.
5. The GOP Ran A Woman For VP...and the party of inclusion, equal rights, and "making America live up to its promises" immediately savaged her with unfounded attacks on her character and belittled her executive experience, despite the fact that it exceeded that of the Dem's entire ticket.
6. A Republican President Declared It Necessary To Give Away Billions In Taxpayer Dollars...to some banks to restart credit markets stalled in the housing freefall prompted by years of Democratic thwarting of oversight over Fannie and Freddie, and as soon as the Secretary of the Treasury got the money, he didn't spend it as he said he would when he begged Congress for it in the first place. Yes, I know any one of us here in the real world outside of Washington D.C., the same world where bills have to eventually get paid, and bad behavior and crappy decisions actually have consequences could have told Congress that it would happen, but instead of taking appropriate action, Congress had hearings on even more bailouts...for the auto industry no less. And America just sat on the sidelines and watched. Where are the torches and pitchforks? Where is the tar and the feathers? Where are the politicians, quaking in their shoes and wetting their pants in fear of the populace that they continue to screw?
There is more. There is always more, but really, I can't stomach more right now. I'm gonna go hurl now.
1. Iran nears completion of its nuclear program. Seriously, is the world going just sit around and talk while chimpanzees figure out how to operate a flamethrower?
2. Michigan Football has its worst season in my living memory. Ok, I joke with my Buckeye boss about us being allowed a rebuilding year once every ten or fifteen years, but we didn't even make it to a consolation bowl game, and Michigan State did. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
3. The Democrats wreck the economy... by demanding banks give mortgages to people who can possibly pay them back, refuse to let us exploit our own oil resources as gas nears $5.00 a gallon, their candidate for President is remains a cypher even after his nomination, and they win the White House, The House, and The Senate? It's true. We have become an Idiocracy, and we have the government we deserve.
4. Hollyweird Continues to Crank Out Hate America First Movies...like 'Stop Loss', 'War Inc.', and other stinkers that insinuate or outright claim that WE are the bad guys and savages in the world, and then is surprised when they tank at the box office. Memo to the studio heads: We want to be entertained, not preached at by a bunch of clueless over sized egos who are insulated from the real world by their exorbitant salaries. You don't know dick about politics, the economy or reality. You are actors. If you were capable of understanding such things, you'd have real jobs. Now go make a good movie.
5. The GOP Ran A Woman For VP...and the party of inclusion, equal rights, and "making America live up to its promises" immediately savaged her with unfounded attacks on her character and belittled her executive experience, despite the fact that it exceeded that of the Dem's entire ticket.
6. A Republican President Declared It Necessary To Give Away Billions In Taxpayer Dollars...to some banks to restart credit markets stalled in the housing freefall prompted by years of Democratic thwarting of oversight over Fannie and Freddie, and as soon as the Secretary of the Treasury got the money, he didn't spend it as he said he would when he begged Congress for it in the first place. Yes, I know any one of us here in the real world outside of Washington D.C., the same world where bills have to eventually get paid, and bad behavior and crappy decisions actually have consequences could have told Congress that it would happen, but instead of taking appropriate action, Congress had hearings on even more bailouts...for the auto industry no less. And America just sat on the sidelines and watched. Where are the torches and pitchforks? Where is the tar and the feathers? Where are the politicians, quaking in their shoes and wetting their pants in fear of the populace that they continue to screw?
There is more. There is always more, but really, I can't stomach more right now. I'm gonna go hurl now.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Ten Rules for Dating My Son
Someone on the local Craigslist did one about dating their daughter which was quite humorous so I thought I'd throw out some rules of my own.
1. Dress Appropriately in my Presence. I am the Queen of my house. Therefore you will not be presented to me dressed like a pole dancer. Wear your best church clothes. If you don't know what those are, dress the opposite of Paris Hilton.
2. No Piercings. If anything other than your ears are pierced, I had better not see it. Yes, I know why people pierce their tongues and it has nothing to do with speech improvement. If you're some skanasarous with piercings everywhere, I will tell my son to drop you off where he found you. Oh and he'll listen otherwise he'll get cut out of the will. I have no problem leaving everything to some obscure charity.
3. Abortion, Adoption or Child Support. Should you think that getting knocked up is a trip on the gravy train, I have no problem recommending any of the three to my idiotic child. Trust me when I say that paying your dumb ass child support for 18 years is far better than him marrying you and supporting you forever. I recommend getting married (the first time) at 30. By then, both parties should have their heads out of their asses.
4. I Will Do a Background Check. That's right, Sunshine, I'll talk to everyone who ever knew you from the time your wore Huggies until now. If I don't get a, "She's a candidate for sainthood," report, you are out the door. Again, he'll listen 'cause poverty sucks.
5. I Am Not Your Friend. Do not call me by my first name. Do not say, "Yeah...um...no...um..." Ma'am is not required but will earn you extra points. Consider me the Mama Bear protecting her cubs. Mama bears are not to be trifle with lest we rip you from limb to limb. Approach us with caution and respect and no one loses an arm.
6. Dumb Does Not Get You Anywhere. I'm not saying my sons need to date rocket scientists but if you know more about, "The Bachelor," "American Idol," and "Oprah," than you do current events, then we have a problem. Yes, I will quiz you. I will audition you and make Simon Cowell look like Mary Poppins. I will not tolerate a dumb bimbo no matter how cute she looks. Cute wears off, stupidity lasts forever.
7. Your Parents Better Impress Me. Oh they don't need to be rich or snobs but if they have a single wide they're real proud of then I'm thinking you are out of your league. Seriously, one of the best quotes out of Gone With the Wind was when Scarlet was whining about not marrying Ashley and her dad was telling her that it was a good thing he wasn't marrying her. Said Pa O'Hara, "Like must marry like or there will be no happiness." 'Tis true. My sons are spoiled rotten little prima donas. Their idea of roughing it is a 3 star hotel. That whole, "girl from the wrong side of the tracks," worked in Pretty in Pink. However, it's highly unlikely here.
8. Have Some Ambition. No, getting married and having a passel of kids while my son works his butt off all day is not what I'm talking about. You'll want a career. You'll want to do something with your life other than breed. I don't care if you're an accountant, IT guru, or a classical pianist but you better have a piece of paper from a 4 year college with your name on it.
9. Don't Be a Bitch. That's my job and I'm not giving it up. Do not nag my son or dictate what clothes he should wear. No, I'm not buying him Abercrombie clothes. Get over it. Do not boss him around. You haven't earned that right and if I see you doing it, you're likely to get a swift kick in the ass for your effort.
10. I Don't Have to Consent to the Wedding. But I can make it the worst event in the history of weddings if you piss me off. If you are lucky enough to snare my son into marrying you, I better have some input. Otherwise, things could suddenly start happening. Things like your dress order being cancelled or the cake getting dropped or the invitations not getting mailed....you know, STUFF.
1. Dress Appropriately in my Presence. I am the Queen of my house. Therefore you will not be presented to me dressed like a pole dancer. Wear your best church clothes. If you don't know what those are, dress the opposite of Paris Hilton.
2. No Piercings. If anything other than your ears are pierced, I had better not see it. Yes, I know why people pierce their tongues and it has nothing to do with speech improvement. If you're some skanasarous with piercings everywhere, I will tell my son to drop you off where he found you. Oh and he'll listen otherwise he'll get cut out of the will. I have no problem leaving everything to some obscure charity.
3. Abortion, Adoption or Child Support. Should you think that getting knocked up is a trip on the gravy train, I have no problem recommending any of the three to my idiotic child. Trust me when I say that paying your dumb ass child support for 18 years is far better than him marrying you and supporting you forever. I recommend getting married (the first time) at 30. By then, both parties should have their heads out of their asses.
4. I Will Do a Background Check. That's right, Sunshine, I'll talk to everyone who ever knew you from the time your wore Huggies until now. If I don't get a, "She's a candidate for sainthood," report, you are out the door. Again, he'll listen 'cause poverty sucks.
5. I Am Not Your Friend. Do not call me by my first name. Do not say, "Yeah...um...no...um..." Ma'am is not required but will earn you extra points. Consider me the Mama Bear protecting her cubs. Mama bears are not to be trifle with lest we rip you from limb to limb. Approach us with caution and respect and no one loses an arm.
6. Dumb Does Not Get You Anywhere. I'm not saying my sons need to date rocket scientists but if you know more about, "The Bachelor," "American Idol," and "Oprah," than you do current events, then we have a problem. Yes, I will quiz you. I will audition you and make Simon Cowell look like Mary Poppins. I will not tolerate a dumb bimbo no matter how cute she looks. Cute wears off, stupidity lasts forever.
7. Your Parents Better Impress Me. Oh they don't need to be rich or snobs but if they have a single wide they're real proud of then I'm thinking you are out of your league. Seriously, one of the best quotes out of Gone With the Wind was when Scarlet was whining about not marrying Ashley and her dad was telling her that it was a good thing he wasn't marrying her. Said Pa O'Hara, "Like must marry like or there will be no happiness." 'Tis true. My sons are spoiled rotten little prima donas. Their idea of roughing it is a 3 star hotel. That whole, "girl from the wrong side of the tracks," worked in Pretty in Pink. However, it's highly unlikely here.
8. Have Some Ambition. No, getting married and having a passel of kids while my son works his butt off all day is not what I'm talking about. You'll want a career. You'll want to do something with your life other than breed. I don't care if you're an accountant, IT guru, or a classical pianist but you better have a piece of paper from a 4 year college with your name on it.
9. Don't Be a Bitch. That's my job and I'm not giving it up. Do not nag my son or dictate what clothes he should wear. No, I'm not buying him Abercrombie clothes. Get over it. Do not boss him around. You haven't earned that right and if I see you doing it, you're likely to get a swift kick in the ass for your effort.
10. I Don't Have to Consent to the Wedding. But I can make it the worst event in the history of weddings if you piss me off. If you are lucky enough to snare my son into marrying you, I better have some input. Otherwise, things could suddenly start happening. Things like your dress order being cancelled or the cake getting dropped or the invitations not getting mailed....you know, STUFF.
The Year That Was: 2008
Am I the only one who's glad this suck-ass year is almost over? Here's a recap of how my 2008 went:
January: Went to Key West with the kids, Spud, my sister and her friend. Thought all was well. Spud starts to take more control of the pub.
February: Spud takes over all my roles at the pub. He then starts telling me how unhappy he is and how I'm a loser with no direction in my life. This was after I planned the Mardi Gras party for the pub which, as far as I know, is still the biggest money-maker that place has ever had. This would be the Mardi Gras party that he didn't want to do for fear it would be a bust.
March: Spud walks on the 24th. No goodbye, no "Go screw yourself," nada. Just a, "I can't do this anymore." This was a week after the sorriest trip to a theme park ever where he refused to ride any rides and just sat next to me on a bench for 5 hours while ogling everything with a bustline.
April: I gave the idiot until the first of April to get his head out of his ass and come home. He didn't so on the 2nd I filed for divorce. This led him to tell everyone that I was the one who ended the marriage. I'm thinking that leaving me for a 27 year old bimbo you met at the pub constitutes ending a marriage. I still have the fateful words of what he told one of his friends ringing in my ears, "You know who I'm fucking and it ain't your wife."
May: Spud discovers that I'm dissing him on Folly and decides to bitch to his lawyer like a 4 year old girl. I get chastised by my lawyer and Folly goes down in flames. Go visit my sister at her farm in Tennessee.
June: Still haggling with Spud over the decree. I want my share of the pub. He says over his dead body. I'm thinking that's a fair trade.
July: Discover Spud's profile on Match.com which he later denies ever having. Of course, I printed it out. What a load of crap that was. Meanwhile, I went out with one of the biggest losers I've ever met that I didn't marry. It took days of ignoring his crazy ass behavior ("Are you any happier today than you were yesterday?") for him to stop. Then I met my current beau who is a decent, upstanding individual. This makes me wonder what he sees in me.
August: On the 12th, Spud is officially my ex-husband. I gave him the house. He's supposed to give me $15k for my share of the pub. As of today, still haven't received a dime of that. First date with my current beau. Moved out of the marital home and into a rent house which I got screwed on.
September: Beau's birthday. Bought him an awesome Civil War print which is currently hanging in his living room. Decided to move from the rent house after I had to tell the process server on a Sunday morning that the landlord's wife moved with him to North Carolina. She is being sued. He proceeds to act like an ass and threatens to sue me over the lease. Dillweed.
October: Had to put in a $300 battery in the Jaguar. Moved to another rent house. Discovered the fine art of plumbing after having repaired the toilet in the master bathroom. Discovered I got screwed on this deal as well. Vowed to never live in another rent house. Marital home goes into foreclosure after Spud doesn't offer a deed in lieu as required by the decree. Broke ass broke.
November: Obama is elected and I am sad. Hoping I don't get laid off. Boss is muy unhappy with me over billing. Thanksgiving with Beau's parents is not the disaster I had feared. Still broke ass broke.
December: Christmas is muy expensive. Go to an hourly rate instead of salary thanks to my boss. Still broke ass broke. Decide to move after to IRS agents come to the door looking for my landlord. Landlord claims it had only to do with a missing form from a couple of years ago. I say bullshit. Found a house to purchase on the 4th hole of a golf course. Got my fingers crossed but mortgage guy says even with the foreclosure it shouldn't be a problem since Spud got the house.
Here's to a better year in 2009.
January: Went to Key West with the kids, Spud, my sister and her friend. Thought all was well. Spud starts to take more control of the pub.
February: Spud takes over all my roles at the pub. He then starts telling me how unhappy he is and how I'm a loser with no direction in my life. This was after I planned the Mardi Gras party for the pub which, as far as I know, is still the biggest money-maker that place has ever had. This would be the Mardi Gras party that he didn't want to do for fear it would be a bust.
March: Spud walks on the 24th. No goodbye, no "Go screw yourself," nada. Just a, "I can't do this anymore." This was a week after the sorriest trip to a theme park ever where he refused to ride any rides and just sat next to me on a bench for 5 hours while ogling everything with a bustline.
April: I gave the idiot until the first of April to get his head out of his ass and come home. He didn't so on the 2nd I filed for divorce. This led him to tell everyone that I was the one who ended the marriage. I'm thinking that leaving me for a 27 year old bimbo you met at the pub constitutes ending a marriage. I still have the fateful words of what he told one of his friends ringing in my ears, "You know who I'm fucking and it ain't your wife."
May: Spud discovers that I'm dissing him on Folly and decides to bitch to his lawyer like a 4 year old girl. I get chastised by my lawyer and Folly goes down in flames. Go visit my sister at her farm in Tennessee.
June: Still haggling with Spud over the decree. I want my share of the pub. He says over his dead body. I'm thinking that's a fair trade.
July: Discover Spud's profile on Match.com which he later denies ever having. Of course, I printed it out. What a load of crap that was. Meanwhile, I went out with one of the biggest losers I've ever met that I didn't marry. It took days of ignoring his crazy ass behavior ("Are you any happier today than you were yesterday?") for him to stop. Then I met my current beau who is a decent, upstanding individual. This makes me wonder what he sees in me.
August: On the 12th, Spud is officially my ex-husband. I gave him the house. He's supposed to give me $15k for my share of the pub. As of today, still haven't received a dime of that. First date with my current beau. Moved out of the marital home and into a rent house which I got screwed on.
September: Beau's birthday. Bought him an awesome Civil War print which is currently hanging in his living room. Decided to move from the rent house after I had to tell the process server on a Sunday morning that the landlord's wife moved with him to North Carolina. She is being sued. He proceeds to act like an ass and threatens to sue me over the lease. Dillweed.
October: Had to put in a $300 battery in the Jaguar. Moved to another rent house. Discovered the fine art of plumbing after having repaired the toilet in the master bathroom. Discovered I got screwed on this deal as well. Vowed to never live in another rent house. Marital home goes into foreclosure after Spud doesn't offer a deed in lieu as required by the decree. Broke ass broke.
November: Obama is elected and I am sad. Hoping I don't get laid off. Boss is muy unhappy with me over billing. Thanksgiving with Beau's parents is not the disaster I had feared. Still broke ass broke.
December: Christmas is muy expensive. Go to an hourly rate instead of salary thanks to my boss. Still broke ass broke. Decide to move after to IRS agents come to the door looking for my landlord. Landlord claims it had only to do with a missing form from a couple of years ago. I say bullshit. Found a house to purchase on the 4th hole of a golf course. Got my fingers crossed but mortgage guy says even with the foreclosure it shouldn't be a problem since Spud got the house.
Here's to a better year in 2009.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Post-Christmas Fun
Well I hope everyone had a Joyous Noel. For the first time in years, I had a holiday that didn't involve bitching, whining or fights over who got the better toy. And the kids behaved too. While out shopping, I saw many an Obama sticker with "hope" and "change" on them which led me, in the middle of the night 'cause I couldn't sleep, to come up with a game. Here it is:
- Use the words "hope" and "change" in a sentence that has nothing to do with Obama. The more random, the better.
- Example: "I hope that dumb bitch at the drive through remembers my change." or "I hope you brought a change of underwear."
Yeah, it's lame but it's the holidays and I'm stressed out so cut me some slack. The goal is to show just how vague those two words are and that they can be used for anything.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wal-Mart Tree Part 2
Not having learned my lesson on the crap ass fake tree, the boyfriend and I went to Wal-Mart yet again only this time we bought a real tree. How could a real tree go wrong? Well trust me to pick out the only tree with a crooked base. Despite the boyfriend sawing off part of it, it still looks like this:
In case you can't tell, it's listing to the left like a drunk sailor in Times Square. The ONLY reason it is even upright is a strategically placed book underneath the tree stand. BTW, the crap ass fake tree I returned? Back on the shelf with all the other fake trees.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
"Why No, Mr. IRS Agent, My Landlord ISN'T Here."
So I was stuck at home for two days with the offspring due to all the ice we had everywhere. If you've never seen Okies drive on ice, picture elephants ice-skating. Anyway, I'm sitting in my home office yesterday when a truck pulls up in front of the house. Out comes a big black guy who looks like Refrigerator Perry and a middle-aged white lady. I thought, "Great, freakin' Jehovahs." For a moment I thought about not answering the door. Then I saw his briefcase and realized that Jehovahs don't carry briefcases.
They ring the doorbell and I answer it. Keep in mind, it's 19 degrees and the streets are covered with ice. Fridge says, "I'm Joe Friday with the Internal Revenue Service. I'm looking for Bob Taxfraud." I said, "Bob Taxfraud is my landlord. He moved to Virginia. You wanna come in, it's cold." I said that last bit 'cause I know better than to piss off the feds. Besides, they're not coming out in 19 degree weather to discuss old Bob's 1099. He's in deep sh*t. Everyone knows that if you owe them a couple of grand, they send you letters forever. They only pay you a visit if you're on your way to Club Fed.
Fridge and his side kick come in and he starts asking me questions like, "When did you move in? Do you have his phone number?" I didn't have his number but I did have his address which I gave him. Then I said, "I know you probably can't tell me but does this have anything to do with the house?" He said, "I can't discuss it." Me: "Oh. I just wanted to know if I'm going to be homeless for the holidays." The lady laughed but the Fridge didn't. He gave me his card and said to let him know if I got Bob's number.
Last night I sent Bob and email. Bob calls me, chitchats about the weather then proceeds to give me the lamest ass excuses I've ever heard. Excuse 1: "Maybe it was a joke." Uh, no Bob, the feds have no sense of humor. Excuse 2: "Maybe their after my former tenant. He never paid taxes." Uh, no Bob, they asked for YOU so I think you never paid taxes. He asked for Joe Friday's number and I gave it to him. Yeah, right, like he's going to call.
Anyway, first thing this morning I called Joe Friday and left him a message with my landlord's phone number. Then I shot an email about the visit to a colleague at the office who is a CPA as well as a lawyer. I said, "What does it mean when two revenue agents come looking for your landlord?" Her response, "It means it's time to move 'cause chances are he's committed fraud or something."
So, I've decided to start from scratch and move back to my old house that I actually still technically own. I hate moving. I hate Bob.
They ring the doorbell and I answer it. Keep in mind, it's 19 degrees and the streets are covered with ice. Fridge says, "I'm Joe Friday with the Internal Revenue Service. I'm looking for Bob Taxfraud." I said, "Bob Taxfraud is my landlord. He moved to Virginia. You wanna come in, it's cold." I said that last bit 'cause I know better than to piss off the feds. Besides, they're not coming out in 19 degree weather to discuss old Bob's 1099. He's in deep sh*t. Everyone knows that if you owe them a couple of grand, they send you letters forever. They only pay you a visit if you're on your way to Club Fed.
Fridge and his side kick come in and he starts asking me questions like, "When did you move in? Do you have his phone number?" I didn't have his number but I did have his address which I gave him. Then I said, "I know you probably can't tell me but does this have anything to do with the house?" He said, "I can't discuss it." Me: "Oh. I just wanted to know if I'm going to be homeless for the holidays." The lady laughed but the Fridge didn't. He gave me his card and said to let him know if I got Bob's number.
Last night I sent Bob and email. Bob calls me, chitchats about the weather then proceeds to give me the lamest ass excuses I've ever heard. Excuse 1: "Maybe it was a joke." Uh, no Bob, the feds have no sense of humor. Excuse 2: "Maybe their after my former tenant. He never paid taxes." Uh, no Bob, they asked for YOU so I think you never paid taxes. He asked for Joe Friday's number and I gave it to him. Yeah, right, like he's going to call.
Anyway, first thing this morning I called Joe Friday and left him a message with my landlord's phone number. Then I shot an email about the visit to a colleague at the office who is a CPA as well as a lawyer. I said, "What does it mean when two revenue agents come looking for your landlord?" Her response, "It means it's time to move 'cause chances are he's committed fraud or something."
So, I've decided to start from scratch and move back to my old house that I actually still technically own. I hate moving. I hate Bob.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm Freezing My A** Off Without a Christmas Tree
It's 17 degrees right now. Yes, 17 degrees. That's up from the low of 16 on its way to a balmy 22 for the afternoon high. There's a 1/4 inch of ice covering everything which means I didn't go to work today. My little Jaguar wouldn't make it out of the driveway much less the neighborhood. Of course, everyone else is at work. Then again, everyone else has a Lexus/Lincoln SUV.
So what does not having a Christmas tree have to do with freezing my a** off? Well, yesterday it was 75 degrees. I went to Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart to buy, among other things, a Christmas tree. I found one that looked great on the box. 7.5 feet and only 3 sections. So I snagged it and some other stuff.
When I got home with my haul, I moved stuff out of the way in the designated Christmas tree spot and opened the box. I realized something was amiss when I got a whiff of stale cigarette smoke. Then I started taking the tree out. "3 Easy Sections," suddenly became a thousand individual branches with a center stand that you hook them to.
Oh, it only took me a second to figure out what happened. Some deadbeat loser bought the real tree then boxed up their old piece of crap tree, took it back to Wal-Mart and got money for their piece of crap tree. Kudos for their ingenuity and complete lack of moral character. Kudos also to the Wal-mart employees in the returns/exchanges section who didn't even bother to check the box.
While I was getting my return sticker from the mentally-handicapped employee at the front of the door, I was on the phone to my sister explaining this whole debacle. It took Scooter a couple of minutes to figure out how to get the sticker out. Meanwhile, the over-dressed old bitch behind me says, "Is something wrong?" Scooter, "No." Bitch, "Oh I thought you were waiting for her to get off the phone." WTF? I wasn't holding up the parade, it was the retard employee. Granted, at least HE has a job unlike the old bitch who I'm probably supporting via Social Security.
Again, I f*&king hate Wal-Mart.
So what does not having a Christmas tree have to do with freezing my a** off? Well, yesterday it was 75 degrees. I went to Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart to buy, among other things, a Christmas tree. I found one that looked great on the box. 7.5 feet and only 3 sections. So I snagged it and some other stuff.
When I got home with my haul, I moved stuff out of the way in the designated Christmas tree spot and opened the box. I realized something was amiss when I got a whiff of stale cigarette smoke. Then I started taking the tree out. "3 Easy Sections," suddenly became a thousand individual branches with a center stand that you hook them to.
Oh, it only took me a second to figure out what happened. Some deadbeat loser bought the real tree then boxed up their old piece of crap tree, took it back to Wal-Mart and got money for their piece of crap tree. Kudos for their ingenuity and complete lack of moral character. Kudos also to the Wal-mart employees in the returns/exchanges section who didn't even bother to check the box.
While I was getting my return sticker from the mentally-handicapped employee at the front of the door, I was on the phone to my sister explaining this whole debacle. It took Scooter a couple of minutes to figure out how to get the sticker out. Meanwhile, the over-dressed old bitch behind me says, "Is something wrong?" Scooter, "No." Bitch, "Oh I thought you were waiting for her to get off the phone." WTF? I wasn't holding up the parade, it was the retard employee. Granted, at least HE has a job unlike the old bitch who I'm probably supporting via Social Security.
Again, I f*&king hate Wal-Mart.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Ho, Ho, Freakin' Ho
I am in a SNIT. Why? (Oh, like you give a rat's ass). Hmmm, get a call from the sperm donor aka my babies' daddy this morning about the older one. Apparently, the older one has chosen to act like a 4 year old this weekend. He wanted to know what to do. Hell, I figured a guy with 6 kids would know more about child rearing than I would. I said I didn't know 'cause I didn't want to tell him the truth which is, "He hates your guts and I made him go."
Then I made the mistake of going to Walmart. At Christmas time. I then realized why I hate shopping and Walmart. My older son (the one who is acting up) wants a dog. So I went to Petco (x3) and Petsmart looking for a dog to adopt. I finally found one then I discovered I need a HOME VISIT by the FOSTER PARENT. Jeez, it's not a kid.
Then I talked to the significant other who was in snit (being on duty all weekend) and proceeded to criticize the dog idea as well as the kids latest misery at school. The older one wants to be home-schooled. So apparently I'm incapable of making a proper decision.
Then I made the mistake of going to Walmart. At Christmas time. I then realized why I hate shopping and Walmart. My older son (the one who is acting up) wants a dog. So I went to Petco (x3) and Petsmart looking for a dog to adopt. I finally found one then I discovered I need a HOME VISIT by the FOSTER PARENT. Jeez, it's not a kid.
Then I talked to the significant other who was in snit (being on duty all weekend) and proceeded to criticize the dog idea as well as the kids latest misery at school. The older one wants to be home-schooled. So apparently I'm incapable of making a proper decision.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday's What the Hamster?
Well other than Chicago corruption, an auto bailout and finding bones that may belong to Caylee Anthony, it's been a slow news week. Speaking of which:
1. For Sale: 1 Senate Seat, Slightly Used. Corruption in Chicago? Say it ain't so, Joe. Corruption is to Chicago is like clam chowder is to Boston. The Illinois governor and his trailer park wife decided to make some cash off of the seat formerly held by Barack Obama. Unfortunately, he was being monitored by the feds. Makes you wonder how Obama got that seat to begin with.
2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime, Part II. Since the government has bailed everyone else, the big 3 automakers decided to ask for their share. The House said, "Sure, get in line." The Senate said, "Go screw yourself." Ever get the idea that the Senate is the older, smarter big brother while the House is the slightly retarded younger brother?
3. Dem Bones. Unfortunately for uber-mom of the year candidate, Casey Anthony, it would appear she did not do a good enough job hiding the body of her 2 year old daughter. A meter reader stumbled upon the skeletal remains of a small child in a plastic bag not too far from her parents house. DNA results are pending but that would be like one in a million coincidence. What kind of sick bitch stuffs her baby into a plastic bag and just dumps her in the woods?
4. OU is going to the Big Game. I can't go 'cause tickets are $580 each. EACH. What the hamster? That's more than my car payment.
5. Creepy Story of the Week. What is up with Asians and robot girlfriends? I'm sorry but that's just damn bizarre. Some software engineer who is 33 and still lives with his parents built himself a girl robot. Here are some disturbing excerpts:
Aiko is still a virgin, AND NO I do not sleep with her," he writes on the Project Aiko Web site, though he admits that she "has sensors in her body including her private parts, and yes even down there."
Uh, okay.
1. For Sale: 1 Senate Seat, Slightly Used. Corruption in Chicago? Say it ain't so, Joe. Corruption is to Chicago is like clam chowder is to Boston. The Illinois governor and his trailer park wife decided to make some cash off of the seat formerly held by Barack Obama. Unfortunately, he was being monitored by the feds. Makes you wonder how Obama got that seat to begin with.
2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime, Part II. Since the government has bailed everyone else, the big 3 automakers decided to ask for their share. The House said, "Sure, get in line." The Senate said, "Go screw yourself." Ever get the idea that the Senate is the older, smarter big brother while the House is the slightly retarded younger brother?
3. Dem Bones. Unfortunately for uber-mom of the year candidate, Casey Anthony, it would appear she did not do a good enough job hiding the body of her 2 year old daughter. A meter reader stumbled upon the skeletal remains of a small child in a plastic bag not too far from her parents house. DNA results are pending but that would be like one in a million coincidence. What kind of sick bitch stuffs her baby into a plastic bag and just dumps her in the woods?
4. OU is going to the Big Game. I can't go 'cause tickets are $580 each. EACH. What the hamster? That's more than my car payment.
5. Creepy Story of the Week. What is up with Asians and robot girlfriends? I'm sorry but that's just damn bizarre. Some software engineer who is 33 and still lives with his parents built himself a girl robot. Here are some disturbing excerpts:
Aiko is still a virgin, AND NO I do not sleep with her," he writes on the Project Aiko Web site, though he admits that she "has sensors in her body including her private parts, and yes even down there."
Uh, okay.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Craigs List
I discovered Craigs List through my significant other. No, we didn't meet there. He goes there to look at furniture and other crap for sale. I go there for that, real estate, and the rant and rave section. The rant and rave section is where I have discovered that people are basically retarded. At least here. Seriously, here's the link:
http://tulsa.craigslist.org/rnr/
Apparently, people have no idea what punctuation is or how to spell. "Their" is 3rd person possessive plural while "there" is an adverb/pronoun/noun/adjective and "they're" is the contraction for "they are." So the sentence, "There a bunch of idiots over their," should be, "They're a bunch of idiots over there."
Oh and go to the "collectibles" section. That old phrase, "One man's junk is another man's treasure," applies there. For example, you can find the following items for sale:
http://tulsa.craigslist.org/rnr/
Apparently, people have no idea what punctuation is or how to spell. "Their" is 3rd person possessive plural while "there" is an adverb/pronoun/noun/adjective and "they're" is the contraction for "they are." So the sentence, "There a bunch of idiots over their," should be, "They're a bunch of idiots over there."
Oh and go to the "collectibles" section. That old phrase, "One man's junk is another man's treasure," applies there. For example, you can find the following items for sale:
- Harley Davidson cordless phone ($50)
- M & M Dispenser motorcycle ($25)
- Harley Davidson drive-in speaker set ($300)
- KISS Trivia game ($25)
- 1950's Kenmore hairdryer ($100)
- 1978 Orange Bowl tickets (make offer)
- Yoda hand puppet ($35)
Pretty much any old piece of crap you want to buy is available. There are also the hard luck stories of people with no money and whatnot. Of course, some of them are scams and some of them are just plain irritating. However, a few are kind of pathetic. So if you have some spare time, check out your local Craigs List. It makes you feel a whole lot better about your own life.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Mindless Quiz
Stolen from Deadman.
Okay, I can go with that.
Your Spiritual Number is Five |
 You bring adventure and change to people's lives. You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow. Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy. If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project. You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver. Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way. |
Okay, I can go with that.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Friday's What the Hamster.
Yes, yes, it's been awhile. Anyway, it's been a slow news week. Here's some of the more "interesting" stories of the last week.
1. Seem Like a Good Idea at the Time...A would-be-bride was swept to sea in Oregon after her boyfriend decided to take her to a rock to propose. I guess a simple, "Will you marry me?" over dinner was too boring.
2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime? Obama supporters are paying the price for the election of their idol. They are now being asked to pick up the $7.5 million tab of Hilary Clinton's failed presidential campaign before her confirmation hearings begin. They're even having a "debt retirement party," hosted by that chick from Ugly Betty. Why doesn't she just ask Congress for a bailout?
3. Discrimination in the Salvation Army. I did not know that if you're an "officer" in the Salvation Army, you can only marry another officer. Apparently that is the case as Capt. Johnny Harsh (not making that up) is being tossed out of the service because he intends to marry a non-SA member. Jeez, talk about some hardasses.
4. Achmed the Lego Terrorist. Showing that people can find insult in anything, Muslims and some non-Muslims (aka "idiots") are upset over a Lego ripoff character called the White Bandit who comes compete with a bomb-belt. Tacky? Yes. Enough to spark riots in the streets? Probably. I wonder if the maker plans on a Burka Betty figure to go along with Bandit. Oh and the quote of the day comes from the spokesman for the Ramadhan Foundation, who said it is, "glorifying terrorism." Yeah, that's it. It's the TOY'S fault.
5. Dems to Obama: Step Up. Forgetting that he isn't president yet, some Democrats think that President-elect Obama needs to just take power now and get it over with. Barney Frank, Dirtbag from MA, says, "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time," Frank said. "I'm afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have. He's got to remedy that situation." Nice insult, douchebag, considering your boyfriend help create the crisis.
Frank also scoffed at the idea that they can work with the GOP after Obama is anointed. "Having lived with this very right wing Republican group that runs the House most of the time, the notion of trying to deal with them as if we could be post-partisan gives me post-partisan depression." Hahahaha. What a card.
"The Obama team has to step up," Sen. Christopher Dodd, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee and one of the lead negotiators, said Nov. 21 in Hartford, Conn. "In the minds of the people, this is the Obama administration. I don't think we can wait until January 20."
I'm sorry, Chris, but this is not the Obama Administration regardless of what the half-educated moonbats who elected him think. Obama is not the President and will not be the President until January 20. Period. End of story.
So we have a party that simply wants to seize power using the economic crisis as an excuse....now where have I seen that before....
1. Seem Like a Good Idea at the Time...A would-be-bride was swept to sea in Oregon after her boyfriend decided to take her to a rock to propose. I guess a simple, "Will you marry me?" over dinner was too boring.
2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime? Obama supporters are paying the price for the election of their idol. They are now being asked to pick up the $7.5 million tab of Hilary Clinton's failed presidential campaign before her confirmation hearings begin. They're even having a "debt retirement party," hosted by that chick from Ugly Betty. Why doesn't she just ask Congress for a bailout?
3. Discrimination in the Salvation Army. I did not know that if you're an "officer" in the Salvation Army, you can only marry another officer. Apparently that is the case as Capt. Johnny Harsh (not making that up) is being tossed out of the service because he intends to marry a non-SA member. Jeez, talk about some hardasses.
4. Achmed the Lego Terrorist. Showing that people can find insult in anything, Muslims and some non-Muslims (aka "idiots") are upset over a Lego ripoff character called the White Bandit who comes compete with a bomb-belt. Tacky? Yes. Enough to spark riots in the streets? Probably. I wonder if the maker plans on a Burka Betty figure to go along with Bandit. Oh and the quote of the day comes from the spokesman for the Ramadhan Foundation, who said it is, "glorifying terrorism." Yeah, that's it. It's the TOY'S fault.
5. Dems to Obama: Step Up. Forgetting that he isn't president yet, some Democrats think that President-elect Obama needs to just take power now and get it over with. Barney Frank, Dirtbag from MA, says, "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time," Frank said. "I'm afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have. He's got to remedy that situation." Nice insult, douchebag, considering your boyfriend help create the crisis.
Frank also scoffed at the idea that they can work with the GOP after Obama is anointed. "Having lived with this very right wing Republican group that runs the House most of the time, the notion of trying to deal with them as if we could be post-partisan gives me post-partisan depression." Hahahaha. What a card.
"The Obama team has to step up," Sen. Christopher Dodd, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee and one of the lead negotiators, said Nov. 21 in Hartford, Conn. "In the minds of the people, this is the Obama administration. I don't think we can wait until January 20."
I'm sorry, Chris, but this is not the Obama Administration regardless of what the half-educated moonbats who elected him think. Obama is not the President and will not be the President until January 20. Period. End of story.
So we have a party that simply wants to seize power using the economic crisis as an excuse....now where have I seen that before....
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Map Quest
I got the wrong maps. Yes, it's true. My boss told me that this morning. "I thought we understood," he said. What WE understood was that he wanted coastline of the state of Louisiana and not the goddamn Gulf of Mexico. "I'll go by there myself," said he in a huff. Good. Maybe they are better at mind reading. You could see him twitching in that camel hair overcoat of his as he stalked out the door.
This happened about 11-ish which is roughly two hours after I arrived to discover my office was the temperature of Nome, Alaska. One of the male attorneys very kindly turned my little space heater on which was like using a space heater to warm a Sam's (or Costco). So I'm sitting at my desk, hunched over in my wool coat like Bob Cratchit when I'm summoned into the conference room and informed of my error.
About 4-ish, Bossman calls me to tell me he's at the map place and they are getting him what he wants and oh, can I get in the car and drive half way across town to bring back the shitty maps I bought? "Sure, thing, Boss," I said. So I hop in my little car (with no gas) and drive to the crap-ass side of town to bring the maps back.
While I'm there, Bossman calls the map place to talk to me.
"Ask her if they have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah or a blah blah blah then call me back and let me know."
So I ask the lady, "Do you have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, or blah, blah."
"No," she said. "We just sell maps."
So I call the Bossman and tell him that. Then he says, "Ask her if we know where we can get one." By then, she's gone back up stairs to her office so I gotta call her from the waiting room phone.
"Boss wants to know if you know where to get one," I said.
"No," she said. "Try Google."
I then went back to my office, got my crap, and went home. Oh yes, I earn my keep. He just doesn't realize it.
This happened about 11-ish which is roughly two hours after I arrived to discover my office was the temperature of Nome, Alaska. One of the male attorneys very kindly turned my little space heater on which was like using a space heater to warm a Sam's (or Costco). So I'm sitting at my desk, hunched over in my wool coat like Bob Cratchit when I'm summoned into the conference room and informed of my error.
About 4-ish, Bossman calls me to tell me he's at the map place and they are getting him what he wants and oh, can I get in the car and drive half way across town to bring back the shitty maps I bought? "Sure, thing, Boss," I said. So I hop in my little car (with no gas) and drive to the crap-ass side of town to bring the maps back.
While I'm there, Bossman calls the map place to talk to me.
"Ask her if they have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah or a blah blah blah then call me back and let me know."
So I ask the lady, "Do you have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, or blah, blah."
"No," she said. "We just sell maps."
So I call the Bossman and tell him that. Then he says, "Ask her if we know where we can get one." By then, she's gone back up stairs to her office so I gotta call her from the waiting room phone.
"Boss wants to know if you know where to get one," I said.
"No," she said. "Try Google."
I then went back to my office, got my crap, and went home. Oh yes, I earn my keep. He just doesn't realize it.
My Boss is a Dillweed, II
So Tuesday, the Bossman tells me I gotta go to this publishing company to get five maps. Not just any maps. Coastal maps of Louisiana. Really, really big maps. Okay, no problem. I go and order the maps (they are shipped out of Houston) at $395/each.
Yesterday morning, Bossman sends me an email: "How much were the maps?"
Me: "$395/each."
Him: "Wow! I wish you had run that by me first."
Then I get a call from him. "You should have called me first. You need to think. It will be difficult for me to recover those costs."
Of course, I had thought that he wanted the maps (for trial exhibits) at ALL COSTS. Not once did he say, "Find out how much they are. If they're more than $____, only get one." So after the phone call, I shoot him back the following email, "Sorry. I thought you wanted the maps regardless of cost. In future I will clarify." Then he calls me back and says we can allocate each map to a different case.
(Keep in mind, I'm an hourly employee which means this crap ain't billable.)
Late yesterday, I get another email from him: "Need sears case."
I put "Sears" into Westlaw and come up with 1100 cases.
I write him back, "What's the other party's name."
Him: "Don't know. Has to do with a hammer."
Okay, so now I have, "Sears," and "hammer." That drops me down to 30 cases. Finally, he tells me it has to do with a manufacturer and a retailer. By that time, it's after 5 and I'm done with him, Sears, and hammers.
I really need a new job.
Yesterday morning, Bossman sends me an email: "How much were the maps?"
Me: "$395/each."
Him: "Wow! I wish you had run that by me first."
Then I get a call from him. "You should have called me first. You need to think. It will be difficult for me to recover those costs."
Of course, I had thought that he wanted the maps (for trial exhibits) at ALL COSTS. Not once did he say, "Find out how much they are. If they're more than $____, only get one." So after the phone call, I shoot him back the following email, "Sorry. I thought you wanted the maps regardless of cost. In future I will clarify." Then he calls me back and says we can allocate each map to a different case.
(Keep in mind, I'm an hourly employee which means this crap ain't billable.)
Late yesterday, I get another email from him: "Need sears case."
I put "Sears" into Westlaw and come up with 1100 cases.
I write him back, "What's the other party's name."
Him: "Don't know. Has to do with a hammer."
Okay, so now I have, "Sears," and "hammer." That drops me down to 30 cases. Finally, he tells me it has to do with a manufacturer and a retailer. By that time, it's after 5 and I'm done with him, Sears, and hammers.
I really need a new job.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
My Boss is a Dillweed
I've been demoted. Oh I'm still an attorney. However, the bossman doesn't think I'm doing enough to earn $120,000/year (read: I'm not providing him BJs) so I've been reduced to an hourly employee. Now I'll be earning $60/hour (and being billed at $150/hour) and will only be paid on the actual hours I bill. And apparently, I'm also the only one who gets two weeks vacation per year.Oh never mind that I'm the token single parent and have a chronic illness that has to be managed (gee, no labor law violations there). Of course, that just makes me more inclined to surf Craigs List and Ebay. I could job hunt but who's going to hire a 40+ female lawyer who is a single parent and has a chronic illness? Yes, even the legal profession engages in discriminatory hiring.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Rant, Part Deux
I know it's the day before Thanksgiving but I got more to add. First, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Second, here's more of why I'm a mere whisper away from a breakdown:
- Church. The bastadges at my old church are swimming around that other blog like sharks in chum. The sharks include my ex-spouse. I have restricted it to my eyes only. I really dislike those people.
- Job. You know there's only so much I can read on the toxicity of crocidolite asbestos compared to chrysotile without my eyes glazing over like a Krispy Kreme donut.
- Men. WTF? Could you be any harder to please?
- Children. Seriously, this is a test from God to see how long it will take me to completely lose my f*&king mind. The answer: not much longer, I assure you.
- Money. Broke ass broke. However, I do own a penthouse timeshare in the Caymans. I kid you not.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Rant for the Day
I'm under a lot of stress. A LOT. My kids have head lice. I'm broke ass broke thanks to all the unexpected expenditures ( the car, the house, etc.). I've got more bills to pay and no money. My old house hasn't sold. The ex hasn't responded to my myriad of emails about the house ('cause he's too busy styling it in these boots):
He hasn't paid me a damn dime of the $15k he owes me and my babies' daddy won't pay his child support. Seriously, I'm thinking of just quitting everything and running away from home. What's the point in busting my ass day in and day out just so I can be broke. It's not like the government is helping me out. They're too busy bailing out greedy businesses.
Oh and my new house has issues. The deadbolt on the front door is broken, the disposal doesn't work, and I've already had to fix the toilet. Plus the foundation is so jacked up that half the doors won't shut unless you kick them close. Yeah, I'm kinda feeling I got ben-haadied* on this deal too.
(*Ben-haddied. Means been had and comes from a dog we had as a kid named Pedro Ben-Haady. Pedro was the dumbest greyhound in existence. Think "Santa's Little Helper" from The Simpsons. Anway, I guess Dad thought he had a money-maker in the dog but found out he'd been had. So now everytime we feel we've been had, we say we've been "ben-haadied.")
Citi Gets a Handout
Oh look, guess who else is getting corporate welfare. The bastards who hold the note on my house. According to this story, in order to get their welfare check:
Importantly, the agreement calls on Citigroup to take steps to help distressed homeowners.
Specifically, Citigroup will modify mortgages to help people avoid foreclosure along the lines of an FDIC plan that was put into effect at IndyMac Bank, a major failed savings and loan based in Pasadena, Calif.
Under the IndyMac plan, struggling home borrowers pay interest rates of about three percent for five years. Rates are reduced so that borrowers aren't paying more than 38 percent of their pretax income on housing.
Now, I don't know if that's mandatory (I assume it is) but I think it's funny that these assholes who wouldn't deal with me or thousands of others now have to come to the bargaining table. Okay, Citi, let's see what you got to offer.
Importantly, the agreement calls on Citigroup to take steps to help distressed homeowners.
Specifically, Citigroup will modify mortgages to help people avoid foreclosure along the lines of an FDIC plan that was put into effect at IndyMac Bank, a major failed savings and loan based in Pasadena, Calif.
Under the IndyMac plan, struggling home borrowers pay interest rates of about three percent for five years. Rates are reduced so that borrowers aren't paying more than 38 percent of their pretax income on housing.
Now, I don't know if that's mandatory (I assume it is) but I think it's funny that these assholes who wouldn't deal with me or thousands of others now have to come to the bargaining table. Okay, Citi, let's see what you got to offer.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Things They Should Tell You BEFORE You Become a Parent
Greetings. Those of you who have young children or are contemplating parenthood should know that for some reason, things get left out of the knowledge handed to you from family and doctors when you reproduce. Oh sure, we all know that we're not supposed to shake a baby and to get them their shots and what not. Some of them even tell us how to change a diaper and why breast feeding is better than bottle feeding. However, the advice stops at around age 6. Subsequently, these people do not bother to tell you things you will encounter when your little snowflake hits adolescence. Things like...a shitty attitude and...oh HEAD LICE.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my offspring are infested with bugs which regulates me to the role of a mother primate picking nits off her offspring (no, I don't eat them). Here's what happened. I'm on my way to work this morning when I get a call from the younger offspring. He's crying saying I have to come pick him up. I ask why. After a couple of mumbled responses, he says, "I have lice." So I go get him.
Now, I go to Wal-mart and get the Lice killing kit and proceed to wash his hair and every piece of cloth in the house. I spray bedding and wash pillows. That's all I've done all day. Then I decided I'd better go get his brother and check him. So I go to the school and ask for him then I visit the nurse who offers to check him out. He shows up, wondering what the hell is going on and I tell him his brother has lice. The nurse checks him out and he's got it too. So now he's livid at his brother ('cause he missed turkey at lunch) and won't go near him.
Just for the record, the nurse checked my head and I'm lice-free. I am happy to report that we have come along way in the treatment of lice. I told my sister about my little situation and she said that when they were all in France as children (my 5 sisters and 1 brother at the time), they got lice. The treatment: Powdering their heads with DDT and wrapping them in towels. Of course, she also told me how they used to chase the mosquito spraying truck in California which also sprayed DDT. Aaaah, the days of yesteryear.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my offspring are infested with bugs which regulates me to the role of a mother primate picking nits off her offspring (no, I don't eat them). Here's what happened. I'm on my way to work this morning when I get a call from the younger offspring. He's crying saying I have to come pick him up. I ask why. After a couple of mumbled responses, he says, "I have lice." So I go get him.
Now, I go to Wal-mart and get the Lice killing kit and proceed to wash his hair and every piece of cloth in the house. I spray bedding and wash pillows. That's all I've done all day. Then I decided I'd better go get his brother and check him. So I go to the school and ask for him then I visit the nurse who offers to check him out. He shows up, wondering what the hell is going on and I tell him his brother has lice. The nurse checks him out and he's got it too. So now he's livid at his brother ('cause he missed turkey at lunch) and won't go near him.
Just for the record, the nurse checked my head and I'm lice-free. I am happy to report that we have come along way in the treatment of lice. I told my sister about my little situation and she said that when they were all in France as children (my 5 sisters and 1 brother at the time), they got lice. The treatment: Powdering their heads with DDT and wrapping them in towels. Of course, she also told me how they used to chase the mosquito spraying truck in California which also sprayed DDT. Aaaah, the days of yesteryear.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Yes, I'm Alive
I've actually been working my butt off at work (gasp). Plus I had 24 hours to make a colonial costume for my son for Constitutional Convention Day. No pressure there. Anyway, I've not been following the news all that much since I find it too damn depressing for words. However, I'm finding it hard to feel any sympathy for the oil industry now that oil is $53/barrel. They didn't show us much sympathy when they were raking in record profits and we were rolling pennies for gas.
I'm still pissed off at Citi since they apparently would rather have a house they can't get rid of than to make a deal. Speaking of the house, my ex has plans to move back in with "some guys" if the price is right. Maybe I can be his landlord. Wouldn't that would be fun? However, that all rides on Citi's willingness to renegotiate the loan.
I've been invited to the boyfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. I asked him if I needed a tranquilizer first. He said no but that he did have a hip flask at my disposal that he could fill with Peppermint Schnapps. This is my first meeting with the parents as they live about two hours away.
Oh and I'm on a diet which sucks. I was used to eating whatever I wanted and NEVER gain a pound. Now if I even look at chocolate, there goes another 5 pounds on the ass or stomach. I've never weighed as much as I do now and it bugs the hell out of me.
So that's the latest.
I'm still pissed off at Citi since they apparently would rather have a house they can't get rid of than to make a deal. Speaking of the house, my ex has plans to move back in with "some guys" if the price is right. Maybe I can be his landlord. Wouldn't that would be fun? However, that all rides on Citi's willingness to renegotiate the loan.
I've been invited to the boyfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. I asked him if I needed a tranquilizer first. He said no but that he did have a hip flask at my disposal that he could fill with Peppermint Schnapps. This is my first meeting with the parents as they live about two hours away.
Oh and I'm on a diet which sucks. I was used to eating whatever I wanted and NEVER gain a pound. Now if I even look at chocolate, there goes another 5 pounds on the ass or stomach. I've never weighed as much as I do now and it bugs the hell out of me.
So that's the latest.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My Virtual Model Part II
Seriously, you can spend hours doing this stuff. Here's a link if anyone wants to try it. My sister and I were doing all sorts of goofy things with it. Goofy things like:
Me with a Fro:
Me as an eggplant:
Me with a Fro:
Me as an eggplant:
And what I look like now that I've had all my hair cut off:
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
My Virtual Model
Ever wanted to know what you really look like in that outfit? Ever think, "My ass is two ax-handles wide," yet your significant other and/or your family are too damn polite to tell you? Well thanks to "My Virtual Model," you'll know exactly what you look like. Thanks to a thyroid issue and/or too much alcohol, I've gained a few pounds in the last few months. Here's what I looked like before the weight gain:
and after:
You can add clothes to your virtual self and even buy a garment that matches, if you dare:
No, friends, it ain't pretty. And this picture looks so much like me that it's scary. It is, in fact, an exact replica of what I look like.
This, of course, led me to the another part of the site called, "My Weight Loss Planner." Subtitled: "How to make your fat ass acceptable to you." Obviously, I am now on a diet. I just don't know how I can live on one tablespoon of applesauce.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Happy Veteran's Day
Happy Veteran's Day to all our vets, especially those who have been to war. A little background (in case you fell asleep in History class): Veteran's Day used to be called Armistice Day. What is Armistice Day? At the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, Imperial Germany signed an armistice (or cease fire) effectively ending World War I. It was changed to Veteran's Day after World War II. In England, it is known as Remembrance Day. I'm not sure what the Germans, Italians, and Austrians (i.e. "the losers") call it. Probably, "Well, that was a really dumb idea," Day.
So today we celebrate our military and the defeat of Imperial Germany.
So today we celebrate our military and the defeat of Imperial Germany.
Dear Leader Day
Isn't there something inherently wrong about wanting a national holiday for a president-elect?
Plans are being made to promote a national holiday for Barack Obama, who will become the nation's 44th president when he takes the oath of office Jan. 20.
"Yes We Can" planning rallies will be at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. every Tuesday at the downtown McDonald's restaurant, 1100 Kansas Ave., until Jan. 13. The goals are to secure a national holiday in Obama's honor, to organize celebrations around his inauguration and to celebrate the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln, who was born on Feb. 12 1809.
Yes, we now live in the 4th Reich. Especially if Der Fuhrer gets his "national security force." Scoff if you want but even the Jews bought into Hitler's promises before he passed the Nuremberg Laws.
Plans are being made to promote a national holiday for Barack Obama, who will become the nation's 44th president when he takes the oath of office Jan. 20.
"Yes We Can" planning rallies will be at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. every Tuesday at the downtown McDonald's restaurant, 1100 Kansas Ave., until Jan. 13. The goals are to secure a national holiday in Obama's honor, to organize celebrations around his inauguration and to celebrate the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln, who was born on Feb. 12 1809.
Yes, we now live in the 4th Reich. Especially if Der Fuhrer gets his "national security force." Scoff if you want but even the Jews bought into Hitler's promises before he passed the Nuremberg Laws.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Obama Will Be Ready to Rule on Day 1
King Obama I's spokesperson, Valerie Jarrett, told Tom Brokaw on Meet the Press that,
"given the daunting challenges that we face, it's important that president elect Obama is prepared to really take power and begin to rule day one."
Ahhh, take power and rule. Take power and rule...funny, presidents don't "rule," they govern. However, kings rule. Despots rule. Dictators rule. Remember what happened when we were "ruled" by the British? I smell the faint scent of a coming 2nd American Revolution.
"given the daunting challenges that we face, it's important that president elect Obama is prepared to really take power and begin to rule day one."
Ahhh, take power and rule. Take power and rule...funny, presidents don't "rule," they govern. However, kings rule. Despots rule. Dictators rule. Remember what happened when we were "ruled" by the British? I smell the faint scent of a coming 2nd American Revolution.
Love Doesn't Stink...It Sucks
What the hell is wrong with men? That's a rhetorical question so don't give me a list. Take, for example, mine. I send him text messages. He doesn't respond. I call and leave a message. He doesn't call back. We make plans. He doesn't show up.
I said yesterday that I thought only one of us was interested in a relationship. He said, "Which one is that." I said, "Me." He said, "Well that is not the case." Then he asked me out to dinner which went okay. Okay, so he says he wants one but he isn't acting like he wants one. For example, we have apparently taken a vow of celibacy.
He used to text me first thing in the morning. Now he doesn't. In fact, as I'm writing this, I still haven't heard from him today. We used to have lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now we don't. We used to fool around all the time. In fact, I couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, I have to beg for a kiss.
Seriously. WTF? Is it me?
I said yesterday that I thought only one of us was interested in a relationship. He said, "Which one is that." I said, "Me." He said, "Well that is not the case." Then he asked me out to dinner which went okay. Okay, so he says he wants one but he isn't acting like he wants one. For example, we have apparently taken a vow of celibacy.
He used to text me first thing in the morning. Now he doesn't. In fact, as I'm writing this, I still haven't heard from him today. We used to have lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now we don't. We used to fool around all the time. In fact, I couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, I have to beg for a kiss.
Seriously. WTF? Is it me?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
My Kids Got Arrested While I Was At a Gun Show
The love of my life and I went to the world's biggest gun show today (I kid you not). He bought a bayonet. There was a mass of humanity there the likes of which I've not seen before, even at a concert. Plenty of signs marking, "Obama Specials" were had but obviously they marked up the goods to get the most before Obama scraps the 2nd Amendment. Anyhoo, he and I are now official members of the NRA. I'm thinking of putting the sticker on the back of the Jag. How's that for a statement.
Prior to us going to said gun show, I dropped my kids off at the old neighborhood to play with friends. I thought it was no big thing. The older one called me a little after 2pm to ask when I would be there. I said I was on my way and he said they were in the backyard of said friend's house. 10 minutes later I get a call from Officer Trudy Weigel. She called to inform me that they had my sons because they decided to break into our old house and that because I still own said house, they would not be charged. Well, technically it ain't breaking and entering either. However, I wasn't going to argue with her.
We beat feet over to the old house where we saw TWO police cars in front of the house. TWO for a 14 and 12 year old who only weigh 90 pounds each (if that). The older one was sitting on the porch in PINK HANDCUFFS while his younger brother stood by. Now, really. Was this necessary? Granted they're in a sh*tload of trouble but still. Apparently, the idiot City Manager who lives across the street called the cops. He can bite my ass along with everyone else in that neighborhood. It doesn't excuse the two freakin' rocket scientists I have for offspring (especially since I told them DO NOT GO INTO THE OLD HOUSE).
So that was my Saturday.
Prior to us going to said gun show, I dropped my kids off at the old neighborhood to play with friends. I thought it was no big thing. The older one called me a little after 2pm to ask when I would be there. I said I was on my way and he said they were in the backyard of said friend's house. 10 minutes later I get a call from Officer Trudy Weigel. She called to inform me that they had my sons because they decided to break into our old house and that because I still own said house, they would not be charged. Well, technically it ain't breaking and entering either. However, I wasn't going to argue with her.
We beat feet over to the old house where we saw TWO police cars in front of the house. TWO for a 14 and 12 year old who only weigh 90 pounds each (if that). The older one was sitting on the porch in PINK HANDCUFFS while his younger brother stood by. Now, really. Was this necessary? Granted they're in a sh*tload of trouble but still. Apparently, the idiot City Manager who lives across the street called the cops. He can bite my ass along with everyone else in that neighborhood. It doesn't excuse the two freakin' rocket scientists I have for offspring (especially since I told them DO NOT GO INTO THE OLD HOUSE).
So that was my Saturday.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Fairness Doctrine
Okay, okay, I said no more politics and I meant it. At least the really depressing, "the world is going to end," stuff. However, I can still poke fun.
One of the things the Left is trying to push into law is, "The Fairness Doctrine." Tired of getting their butts kicked on talk radio, the Left has decided that the best way to beat Conservative radio is to kill it by forcing stations to air equal time to leftist propaganda...er...I mean, radio. So in my attempt to fit into the New Regime, I will now devote the rest of this post to Leftist...uh...Progressive ideas.
(ahem...)
Now that Obama has been elected (or selected as those Neo-Cons claim), we can now do our best to right social wrongs and protect Gaia from our selfish behavior. We intend to make sure that: all homes have free wireless Internet; same sex marriages are approved across the country; and the cult known as Christianity is eradicated.
Our primary mission is to help the poor. The poor are poor because they have had no one to help them their entire lives. Because of McChimpy Bush, Darth Cheney, and the Neo-cons, the poor have been repressed into lives of misery. Thanks to our election, they can now attend colleges and trade schools that were formerly closed to them without regard to SAT and ACT scores or high school diploma. What difference do test scores and grades make so long as they try?
Regarding our dear Mother Earth, it should be decreed that everyone must drive a hybrid car; such luxuries as daily showers and teeth brushing should be banned as wasting Gaia's most treasured resource, water. In addition, we propose a new cabinet level office, the Department of Gaia, headed by His Excellency, Al Gore. The Department of Gaia would be responsible for promoting such Earth-friendly policies as eco-homes that do not have running water, electricity, or natural gas; and the banning toilet paper, plastic bags, paper bags, rubber, coal, and anything else that makes nature icky. It's time for us to go way back when our forefathers lived in caves and were chased by flying dinosaurs. It was a more difficult time but at least everyone was chased equally without regard to race, gender, or sexual orientation.
Thank you,
Lis B.
Social Programs Consultant
Obama/Biden Campaign
One of the things the Left is trying to push into law is, "The Fairness Doctrine." Tired of getting their butts kicked on talk radio, the Left has decided that the best way to beat Conservative radio is to kill it by forcing stations to air equal time to leftist propaganda...er...I mean, radio. So in my attempt to fit into the New Regime, I will now devote the rest of this post to Leftist...uh...Progressive ideas.
(ahem...)
Now that Obama has been elected (or selected as those Neo-Cons claim), we can now do our best to right social wrongs and protect Gaia from our selfish behavior. We intend to make sure that: all homes have free wireless Internet; same sex marriages are approved across the country; and the cult known as Christianity is eradicated.
Our primary mission is to help the poor. The poor are poor because they have had no one to help them their entire lives. Because of McChimpy Bush, Darth Cheney, and the Neo-cons, the poor have been repressed into lives of misery. Thanks to our election, they can now attend colleges and trade schools that were formerly closed to them without regard to SAT and ACT scores or high school diploma. What difference do test scores and grades make so long as they try?
Regarding our dear Mother Earth, it should be decreed that everyone must drive a hybrid car; such luxuries as daily showers and teeth brushing should be banned as wasting Gaia's most treasured resource, water. In addition, we propose a new cabinet level office, the Department of Gaia, headed by His Excellency, Al Gore. The Department of Gaia would be responsible for promoting such Earth-friendly policies as eco-homes that do not have running water, electricity, or natural gas; and the banning toilet paper, plastic bags, paper bags, rubber, coal, and anything else that makes nature icky. It's time for us to go way back when our forefathers lived in caves and were chased by flying dinosaurs. It was a more difficult time but at least everyone was chased equally without regard to race, gender, or sexual orientation.
Thank you,
Lis B.
Social Programs Consultant
Obama/Biden Campaign
The Election and Everything After
We lost. It's time to move on. I'm on hiatus from all things political for awhile.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Lewis Carroll
Honestly, I'm worn out. I'm worn out from the election, my job, my health and just this entire year. So the time has come to talk of many things. The holidays are approaching and I refuse to spend another holiday season in misery. I did schedule a day off the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as well as Christmas week. The boss will have to get over it. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas for a change. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from today and Christmas is like 43 days away.
I suggest my friends and family do likewise. Life is too short to dwell on crap you can't change. And if it's something you CAN change, then change it. No point in being miserable for the rest of your life.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Lewis Carroll
Honestly, I'm worn out. I'm worn out from the election, my job, my health and just this entire year. So the time has come to talk of many things. The holidays are approaching and I refuse to spend another holiday season in misery. I did schedule a day off the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as well as Christmas week. The boss will have to get over it. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas for a change. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from today and Christmas is like 43 days away.
I suggest my friends and family do likewise. Life is too short to dwell on crap you can't change. And if it's something you CAN change, then change it. No point in being miserable for the rest of your life.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Obama's First Pick
Obama has selected Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff. Who is Rahm Emanuel? He's currently a Democratic Congressman from Illinois. Like Frank Nitti under Al Capone, he rose to fame as Clinton's enforcer. Here's a sampling of the what this man is made of:
For years, Emanuel was the political brains of Bill Clinton's White House. Intense to the point of ferocity, he was known for taking on the most daunting tasks -- the ones no one else wanted -- and pulling off the seemingly impossible, from banning assault weapons to beating back the Republican-led impeachment. "Clinton loved Rahm," recalls one staffer, "because he knew that if he asked Rahm to do something, he would move Heaven and Earth -- not necessarily in that order -- to get it done."
Friends and enemies agree that the key to Emanuel's success is his legendary intensity. There's the story about the time he sent a rotting fish to a pollster who had angered him. There's the story about how his right middle finger was blown off by a Syrian tank when he was in the Israeli army. And there's the story of how, the night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting "Dead! . . . Dead! . . . Dead!" and plunging the knife into the table after every name. "When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape," one campaign veteran recalls. "It was like something out of The Godfather. But that's Rahm for you."
Of the three stories, only the second is a myth -- Emanuel lost the finger to a meat slicer as a teenager and never served in the Israeli army. But it's a measure of his considerable reputation as the enforcer in Clinton's White House that so many people believe it to be true. You don't earn the nickname "Rahmbo" being timid.
Emanuel got his political education working as a fund-raiser for Mayor Richard Daley's re-election campaign in Chicago, where he learned how to twist arms and knock heads. Donors were used to giving $5,000 -- but Daley needed more. "Rahm took it up a notch," Daley's brother William recalled several years ago. "He told many of them they easily had the ability to give twenty-five grand." When contributors didn't pony up, Emanuel would tell them he was embarrassed that they'd offered so little and hang up on them. The shocked donor would usually call back and sheepishly comply. In thirteen weeks, the thirty-year-old raised $7 million -- an unprecedented sum at the time. His fund-raising skills eventually earned him a job in the Clinton campaign.
Unlike past DCCC chairmen, who simply dispersed money without demanding anything in return, Emanuel approaches the job with the sensibility of a Mob bookie. He forces candidates in the most competitive races who receive money to sign what he calls a "Memo of Understanding," delineating exactly how many fund-raising phone calls and appearances they will make in exchange for the committee's support. To seal the pact, Emanuel then signs the memo himself. "I want to make sure everybody is doing everything they're supposed to be doing," he says.
For their part, bloggers and grass-roots activists support Emanuel in no small part because they hope his combativeness will rub off on his more timid colleagues. "He understands the importance of having a good relationship with Net roots," says Markos Moulitsas, who runs the influential blog Daily Kos. "If nothing else, he knows that we exist and it's not as confrontational a relationship as we had with past DCCC regimes." Nor is Moulitsas put off by Emanuel's centrist politics. "We don't give a shit," he says. "I think there's growing understanding that we can't sit and fixate on who's a moderate and who's a liberal when we're in the minority. We can worry about that when we're in the majority."
That's a view Emanuel wholeheartedly shares. "We get into this stupid argument every four years: centrists vs. leftists," he says. "That is not the argument today. It is change vs. status quo.
Scared, yet?
For years, Emanuel was the political brains of Bill Clinton's White House. Intense to the point of ferocity, he was known for taking on the most daunting tasks -- the ones no one else wanted -- and pulling off the seemingly impossible, from banning assault weapons to beating back the Republican-led impeachment. "Clinton loved Rahm," recalls one staffer, "because he knew that if he asked Rahm to do something, he would move Heaven and Earth -- not necessarily in that order -- to get it done."
Friends and enemies agree that the key to Emanuel's success is his legendary intensity. There's the story about the time he sent a rotting fish to a pollster who had angered him. There's the story about how his right middle finger was blown off by a Syrian tank when he was in the Israeli army. And there's the story of how, the night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting "Dead! . . . Dead! . . . Dead!" and plunging the knife into the table after every name. "When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape," one campaign veteran recalls. "It was like something out of The Godfather. But that's Rahm for you."
Of the three stories, only the second is a myth -- Emanuel lost the finger to a meat slicer as a teenager and never served in the Israeli army. But it's a measure of his considerable reputation as the enforcer in Clinton's White House that so many people believe it to be true. You don't earn the nickname "Rahmbo" being timid.
Emanuel got his political education working as a fund-raiser for Mayor Richard Daley's re-election campaign in Chicago, where he learned how to twist arms and knock heads. Donors were used to giving $5,000 -- but Daley needed more. "Rahm took it up a notch," Daley's brother William recalled several years ago. "He told many of them they easily had the ability to give twenty-five grand." When contributors didn't pony up, Emanuel would tell them he was embarrassed that they'd offered so little and hang up on them. The shocked donor would usually call back and sheepishly comply. In thirteen weeks, the thirty-year-old raised $7 million -- an unprecedented sum at the time. His fund-raising skills eventually earned him a job in the Clinton campaign.
Unlike past DCCC chairmen, who simply dispersed money without demanding anything in return, Emanuel approaches the job with the sensibility of a Mob bookie. He forces candidates in the most competitive races who receive money to sign what he calls a "Memo of Understanding," delineating exactly how many fund-raising phone calls and appearances they will make in exchange for the committee's support. To seal the pact, Emanuel then signs the memo himself. "I want to make sure everybody is doing everything they're supposed to be doing," he says.
For their part, bloggers and grass-roots activists support Emanuel in no small part because they hope his combativeness will rub off on his more timid colleagues. "He understands the importance of having a good relationship with Net roots," says Markos Moulitsas, who runs the influential blog Daily Kos. "If nothing else, he knows that we exist and it's not as confrontational a relationship as we had with past DCCC regimes." Nor is Moulitsas put off by Emanuel's centrist politics. "We don't give a shit," he says. "I think there's growing understanding that we can't sit and fixate on who's a moderate and who's a liberal when we're in the minority. We can worry about that when we're in the majority."
That's a view Emanuel wholeheartedly shares. "We get into this stupid argument every four years: centrists vs. leftists," he says. "That is not the argument today. It is change vs. status quo.
Scared, yet?
What Happened?
The country elected a Socialist as president last night. When the country goes to pot (and it will), don't look at me. I voted for McCain. So why did McCain lose? Here is my assessment:
- McCain was a bad choice. With all due respect to Senator McCain, he has the personality of dish rag. We needed someone with charisma. Someone like Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani or Fred Thompson. Instead we picked McCain because people felt sorry for him for losing to Bush in 2000 and it cost us.
- Media bias. It's hard to compete when ALL the media favors a candidate to the point where they conceal and lie for him.
- No clearly defined message. While Obama promised "Hope" and "Change," McCain/Palin never latched on to a catch phrase or a plan that made them different from Bush/Cheney.
- Voter fraud. I have no doubt that a lot of dead people and convicted felons were allowed to vote along with Mickey Mouse, Pluto and the Dallas Cowboys. Let's face it: this election was stolen from the get go.
- Obama's questionable finances. Along with voter fraud, Obama suddenly had $600 million from unknown sources. Makes you wonder which enemy countries threw money into his campaign. So Obama bought and stole the election.
There you have it. Why the GOP lost. It's going to be a long four years. However, I live in a solid red state and they'll take our guns from our cold dead hands. All of you on the coasts are welcomed to saddle on up and ride this way. We'd love to have you.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day 2008
Well, it's here. For some reason this song popped into my head:
Anyway, don't forget to vote.
Anyway, don't forget to vote.
Monday, November 3, 2008
24 Hours To Go or My Election Rant
Dear Fellow Americans:
We have 24 hours until we find out whether or not the American people are as naive and stupid as I think they are. Yeah, I said it. We live in a country full of co-dependent wussies who expect someone else to take care of them. Thanks to the Baby Boom generation and their sense of entitlement, we are posed to elect an unqualified Socialist as president. Why? Because the American people are lazy and apathetic. They think that they "deserve," free health care; they "deserve" money from the "rich" because they weren't ambitious enough to get off the couch; they "deserve," someone to pick up the pieces when they make a bad decision.
This country wasn't founded on the idea that the government will take care of you. It was founded on the idea that every person should have the opportunity to succeed regardless of social status or religious background. People came to America to fulfill their dreams of prosperity, not because they thought Uncle Sam would take care of them. People are still trying to get into this country for one reason. They know here they will have a chance to succeed.
However, we are now poised to elect someone who is against those ideals. Someone who doesn't encourage independence but dependence on government handouts. Obama isn't what this country was founded on and his election means we will turn our backs on our heritage.
Many of you will be voting for him solely because of his race. You believe that electing a black man to the presidency will somehow absolve your white guilt. I feel no white guilt. I had nothing to do with slavery or Jim Crow. We fought a war in which a half million Americans died to set slaves free. We passed Civil Rights legislation in the 1960s to level the playing field. Our debt has been paid. If this is the reason for your vote, shame on you. You aren't looking at Obama has a man but as a BLACK man. That makes you a racist. Period.
Tomorrow I will be voting for McCain/Palin. Not because I agree with everything they say or believe in. I find people who expect candidates to be EXACTLY like them to be naive. I don't like Sarah Palin's view on birth control. I don't like John McCain's, "Can't we all just get along," shtick. However, I think these two are the safer choice. I know that has CIC, John McCain will protect my boyfriend. I can't say the same about Obama. Except as a brief stint as Senator, Obama has never served this country. McCain has and has suffered for America. He knows what it's like to be at war. Obama does not.
Should Obama win, the American people will get exactly what they want and it will ruin this great country. Guilt is no reason to elect someone to the most powerful position on Earth. Neither is fear or anger. Vote your common sense.
MCCAIN/PALIN
We have 24 hours until we find out whether or not the American people are as naive and stupid as I think they are. Yeah, I said it. We live in a country full of co-dependent wussies who expect someone else to take care of them. Thanks to the Baby Boom generation and their sense of entitlement, we are posed to elect an unqualified Socialist as president. Why? Because the American people are lazy and apathetic. They think that they "deserve," free health care; they "deserve" money from the "rich" because they weren't ambitious enough to get off the couch; they "deserve," someone to pick up the pieces when they make a bad decision.
This country wasn't founded on the idea that the government will take care of you. It was founded on the idea that every person should have the opportunity to succeed regardless of social status or religious background. People came to America to fulfill their dreams of prosperity, not because they thought Uncle Sam would take care of them. People are still trying to get into this country for one reason. They know here they will have a chance to succeed.
However, we are now poised to elect someone who is against those ideals. Someone who doesn't encourage independence but dependence on government handouts. Obama isn't what this country was founded on and his election means we will turn our backs on our heritage.
Many of you will be voting for him solely because of his race. You believe that electing a black man to the presidency will somehow absolve your white guilt. I feel no white guilt. I had nothing to do with slavery or Jim Crow. We fought a war in which a half million Americans died to set slaves free. We passed Civil Rights legislation in the 1960s to level the playing field. Our debt has been paid. If this is the reason for your vote, shame on you. You aren't looking at Obama has a man but as a BLACK man. That makes you a racist. Period.
Tomorrow I will be voting for McCain/Palin. Not because I agree with everything they say or believe in. I find people who expect candidates to be EXACTLY like them to be naive. I don't like Sarah Palin's view on birth control. I don't like John McCain's, "Can't we all just get along," shtick. However, I think these two are the safer choice. I know that has CIC, John McCain will protect my boyfriend. I can't say the same about Obama. Except as a brief stint as Senator, Obama has never served this country. McCain has and has suffered for America. He knows what it's like to be at war. Obama does not.
Should Obama win, the American people will get exactly what they want and it will ruin this great country. Guilt is no reason to elect someone to the most powerful position on Earth. Neither is fear or anger. Vote your common sense.
MCCAIN/PALIN
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Election Friday "What the Hamster?"
In honor of the upcoming crowning...er...I mean "election," I thought I would devote today's What the Hamster? to the 2008 Presidential Election/Anointing:
1. Hang Palin in Effigy, Get Attention. Hang Obama in Effigy, Get Arrested. Showing again how white guilt is playing into this election, some yahoo in LA (go figure) did a Halloween display featuring a Sarah Palin mannequin hanging from a noose. Said Delbert Dillweed, "It's a harmless work of art." However, Delbert was "convinced," by the Mayor of LA that his taste in art had a lot to be desired so he took it down. Meanwhile, at the University of Kentucky, two people were arrested for hanging an Obama effigy from a tree. Oh but THAT'S different say officials citing our past hobby of hanging black people. UK President Lee Todd said the effigy violates the university's code of ethics, and Fischer faces punishment that could include expulsion.
"As outrageous and offensive an act as the effigy was, I truly believe it has mobilized our campus, the community and the state in an effort to battle racism," Todd said Thursday.
Yes, because it was solely due to Obama's race that he was hanged in effigy. Jeez, people GET OVER IT ALREADY.
2. Cross Obama and Get Your Entire Life Scrutinized. Shades of the Clinton regime. Poor old Joe the Plumber (aka Sam Wurzelbacher) had his background checked by the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services. Why? Because according to Helen Jones-Kelly, director of this department, "The checks were run after the news media reported that Wurzelbacher was considering buying a plumbing business with more than $250,000 in annual income, Jones-Kelley wrote.
"Given our understanding that Mr. Wurzelbacher had publicly indicated that he had the means to purchase a substantial business enterprise, ODJFS, consistent with past departmental practice, checked confidential databases ," she wrote.
"Not surprisingly, when a person behind in child support payments or receiving public assistance is receiving significant media attention which suggests that the person appears to have available financial resources, the Department risks justifiable criticism if it fails to take note and respond," Jones-Kelley wrote.
Of course, the fact that she donated $2500 to the Obama campaign had absolutely nothing to do with it.
3. Iraqis and American Ex-Pats in Israel Want McCain. Go figure. Couldn't be 'cause both these groups know that Obama would sell them down the river, could it?
4. Obama's Aunt Lives in a Boston Slum. We'll if he treats his family this way, how will he treat the rest of us? Uh...here:
Zeituni Onyango, the aunt so affectionately described in Obama's best-selling memoir "Dreams From My Father," lives in a disabled-access flat on a rundown public housing estate in South Boston.
A second relative believed to be the long-lost "Uncle Omar" described in the book was beaten by armed robbers with a "sawed-off rifle" while working in a corner shop in the Dorchester area of the city. He was later evicted from his one-bedroom apartment for failing to pay $2,324.20 in bills, according to the Boston Housing Court.
The press has repeatedly rehearsed Obama's extraordinary odyssey, but the other side of the family's American experience has only been revealed in parts. Just across town from where Obama made history as the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, some of his closest blood relatives have confronted the harshness of immigrant life in America.
Speaking outside her home in Flaherty Way, South Boston, on Tuesday, Onyango, 56, confirmed she was the "Auntie Zeituni" in Obama's memoir. She declined to answer most other questions about her relationship with the presidential contender until after the November 4 election.
"I can't talk about it, I just pray for him, that's all," she said, adding: "After the 4th, I can talk to anyone."
Nothing like putting a gag order on your poor family member. Hey Obama, is she getting a tax cut or will you let her stay in the slums of Boston?
5. Betrayed By an Ally. Not technically election related but it still made me say what the #$@. Apparently, our "good" friends, the Italians, tipped off the Libyans the day before Ronald Reagan ordered airstrikes against that country for suicide attacks it launched against Americans in German and Italian discos in 1986. Apparently, the Italians didn't approve so they betrayed us. I'm thinking if we get word of an impending attack on Italy, we don't tell them. The bastards.
1. Hang Palin in Effigy, Get Attention. Hang Obama in Effigy, Get Arrested. Showing again how white guilt is playing into this election, some yahoo in LA (go figure) did a Halloween display featuring a Sarah Palin mannequin hanging from a noose. Said Delbert Dillweed, "It's a harmless work of art." However, Delbert was "convinced," by the Mayor of LA that his taste in art had a lot to be desired so he took it down. Meanwhile, at the University of Kentucky, two people were arrested for hanging an Obama effigy from a tree. Oh but THAT'S different say officials citing our past hobby of hanging black people. UK President Lee Todd said the effigy violates the university's code of ethics, and Fischer faces punishment that could include expulsion.
"As outrageous and offensive an act as the effigy was, I truly believe it has mobilized our campus, the community and the state in an effort to battle racism," Todd said Thursday.
Yes, because it was solely due to Obama's race that he was hanged in effigy. Jeez, people GET OVER IT ALREADY.
2. Cross Obama and Get Your Entire Life Scrutinized. Shades of the Clinton regime. Poor old Joe the Plumber (aka Sam Wurzelbacher) had his background checked by the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services. Why? Because according to Helen Jones-Kelly, director of this department, "The checks were run after the news media reported that Wurzelbacher was considering buying a plumbing business with more than $250,000 in annual income, Jones-Kelley wrote.
"Given our understanding that Mr. Wurzelbacher had publicly indicated that he had the means to purchase a substantial business enterprise, ODJFS, consistent with past departmental practice, checked confidential databases ," she wrote.
"Not surprisingly, when a person behind in child support payments or receiving public assistance is receiving significant media attention which suggests that the person appears to have available financial resources, the Department risks justifiable criticism if it fails to take note and respond," Jones-Kelley wrote.
Of course, the fact that she donated $2500 to the Obama campaign had absolutely nothing to do with it.
3. Iraqis and American Ex-Pats in Israel Want McCain. Go figure. Couldn't be 'cause both these groups know that Obama would sell them down the river, could it?
4. Obama's Aunt Lives in a Boston Slum. We'll if he treats his family this way, how will he treat the rest of us? Uh...here:
Zeituni Onyango, the aunt so affectionately described in Obama's best-selling memoir "Dreams From My Father," lives in a disabled-access flat on a rundown public housing estate in South Boston.
A second relative believed to be the long-lost "Uncle Omar" described in the book was beaten by armed robbers with a "sawed-off rifle" while working in a corner shop in the Dorchester area of the city. He was later evicted from his one-bedroom apartment for failing to pay $2,324.20 in bills, according to the Boston Housing Court.
The press has repeatedly rehearsed Obama's extraordinary odyssey, but the other side of the family's American experience has only been revealed in parts. Just across town from where Obama made history as the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, some of his closest blood relatives have confronted the harshness of immigrant life in America.
Speaking outside her home in Flaherty Way, South Boston, on Tuesday, Onyango, 56, confirmed she was the "Auntie Zeituni" in Obama's memoir. She declined to answer most other questions about her relationship with the presidential contender until after the November 4 election.
"I can't talk about it, I just pray for him, that's all," she said, adding: "After the 4th, I can talk to anyone."
Nothing like putting a gag order on your poor family member. Hey Obama, is she getting a tax cut or will you let her stay in the slums of Boston?
5. Betrayed By an Ally. Not technically election related but it still made me say what the #$@. Apparently, our "good" friends, the Italians, tipped off the Libyans the day before Ronald Reagan ordered airstrikes against that country for suicide attacks it launched against Americans in German and Italian discos in 1986. Apparently, the Italians didn't approve so they betrayed us. I'm thinking if we get word of an impending attack on Italy, we don't tell them. The bastards.
I'm Alive
Yeah, it's been a week. I moved. Again. I hate moving. You'd think I'd be good at it given the bazillion times my parents dragged us all over hell's half acre when I was a kid. The difference being is that, like refugees, we usually left with whatever we could fit in the car. This whole, "Pack all my stuff AND move it," is a tad bit different. Then it took Cox 5 days to hook up the cable and Internet. Still not sure if the phone works.
Anyway, I see Obama paid for a 30 minute indoctrination infomercial. No, I didn't watch it. I generally think that he and his legions of drooling sycophants are nauseating. I truly hope McCain wins because the thought of this Americanized Robert Mugabe running things has me a tad bit scared. I'm not a McCain fan but I respect his service to the nation which is more than his opponent's brief stint as a Senator and community rabble rouser. And what's with the LA Times hiding the Obama tape? Nothing like openly proclaiming your bias.
The Rays lost the World Series thus precluding the coming Apocalypse which would have occurred had yet another team from Tampa won a national title. However, they had a great run and I'm still waiting for the playoff shirt my sister snagged for me when she went to ALCS.
Tomorrow: A Special Election edition of, "What the Hamster?"
Anyway, I see Obama paid for a 30 minute indoctrination infomercial. No, I didn't watch it. I generally think that he and his legions of drooling sycophants are nauseating. I truly hope McCain wins because the thought of this Americanized Robert Mugabe running things has me a tad bit scared. I'm not a McCain fan but I respect his service to the nation which is more than his opponent's brief stint as a Senator and community rabble rouser. And what's with the LA Times hiding the Obama tape? Nothing like openly proclaiming your bias.
The Rays lost the World Series thus precluding the coming Apocalypse which would have occurred had yet another team from Tampa won a national title. However, they had a great run and I'm still waiting for the playoff shirt my sister snagged for me when she went to ALCS.
Tomorrow: A Special Election edition of, "What the Hamster?"
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My Own Presidential Poll
Since the "official" polls show everything from Obama being ahead by 9 points (yeah, right) to a dead heat, I thought I'd conduct my own poll. It's probably just as scientific as all the other ones and I don't have a margin of error.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Why State Workers Suck
Actual email I received from our state Child Support Collection agency regarding my deadbeat ex-husband's refusal to pay child support:
The worker has checked with the employer and he terminated employment on 7/31/08. We do not show any new employment on our system at this time. We have reset all of our locate data bases. If you should find out where he is employed, please let us know so we can generate a new Income assignment.
So, I'm supposed to find Skippy and tell them. Excuse me, but I have a job and it's not working for the State. Jeez.
The worker has checked with the employer and he terminated employment on 7/31/08. We do not show any new employment on our system at this time. We have reset all of our locate data bases. If you should find out where he is employed, please let us know so we can generate a new Income assignment.
So, I'm supposed to find Skippy and tell them. Excuse me, but I have a job and it's not working for the State. Jeez.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday's What the Hamster?
Back by popular demand....it's FRIDAY'S WHAT THE HAMSTER??????
1. Mom Gets 10 Years for Allowing Boyfriend to Impregnate 9 Year Old Daughter. My candidate for mother of the year. This bimbo allowed her 38 year old boyfriend to get her 9 year old daughter pregnant. 10 years? That's it?? What the hamster????? Of course, all she was charged with was failing to provide prenatal care. Jeez.
2. 12 Year Old Arrested for Assaulting Pregnant Teacher. Another kid gone wild in Florida. What the hell is wrong with juveniles down there? Anyway, this future parolee threw sticks at the pregnant teacher and kicked another one. This was after he punched the same pregnant teacher last week. Yet another example of bad parenting.
3. ACORN Registers Mickey Mouse. Gee, Democrats involved in voter fraud. Go figure. They are bound and determined to turn this into a banana republic. Why do they feel the need to do this if they are so right about everything? Couldn't be fear could it? Oh and Obama gave this group $300k but I noticed the media hasn't really hit home that point. Maybe we need the UN to come in and monitor our elections.
4. Out of the Mouths of Babes....A 12 year old girl was called a racist by her classmates in a Florida (go figure) school after she wore a McCain-Palin t-shirt to school. The girl volunteers at the Republican headquarters and was given the shirt as a gift for her efforts. Her tolerant classmates said that she was white and that's why she was voting for whitey. Or something like that. Gee, I guess kids ARE listening to their parents. At least when it comes to political propaganda.
5. Mentally Disabled Man's Vote Stolen....A mentally disabled Georgia man was driven from his care facility, without his family's permission, to a voting center and was told he couldn't vote for McCain (his choice). Instead, the "helpful" assistant checked Obama's name on the ballot and cast it. Just a question: ARE WE REALLY GOING TO ALLOW OBAMA TO STEAL THIS ELECTION!!!!!
6. Convicted Felons Allowed to Vote in Washington. Desperate to anoint "The Chosen One," the Secretary of State in Washington will allow some 24,000 convicted felons to cast votes. due to new computer system that didn't catch the convicts in the registry. Because of those discrepancies, elections officials don't think it's "practical" to eliminate any of the 24,000 or so felons in question. Instead, all will be handed ballots for the upcoming primary election.
7. Madonna and Guy Richie Divorcing. Anyone surprised? I'm just surprised it took this long. He seems way to refined to be married to that skank.
8. Another Congressman, Another Sex Scandal. The guy who won disgraced GOP Congressman Tom Foley's seat is in a spot of trouble himself. You see, Tim Mahoney ran on the morality platform while he was engaged in an extra-marital affair with a campaign worker. Oh and apparently he was cheating on the girlfriend as well. Now the FBI is investigating to see if he used campaign funds as hush money. Pot meet Kettle.
9. Joe Biden Can't Count. Listen, Skippy, "jobs" is a four-letter word. Not a three-letter word. I can't believe these people are ahead in the polls.
1. Mom Gets 10 Years for Allowing Boyfriend to Impregnate 9 Year Old Daughter. My candidate for mother of the year. This bimbo allowed her 38 year old boyfriend to get her 9 year old daughter pregnant. 10 years? That's it?? What the hamster????? Of course, all she was charged with was failing to provide prenatal care. Jeez.
2. 12 Year Old Arrested for Assaulting Pregnant Teacher. Another kid gone wild in Florida. What the hell is wrong with juveniles down there? Anyway, this future parolee threw sticks at the pregnant teacher and kicked another one. This was after he punched the same pregnant teacher last week. Yet another example of bad parenting.
3. ACORN Registers Mickey Mouse. Gee, Democrats involved in voter fraud. Go figure. They are bound and determined to turn this into a banana republic. Why do they feel the need to do this if they are so right about everything? Couldn't be fear could it? Oh and Obama gave this group $300k but I noticed the media hasn't really hit home that point. Maybe we need the UN to come in and monitor our elections.
4. Out of the Mouths of Babes....A 12 year old girl was called a racist by her classmates in a Florida (go figure) school after she wore a McCain-Palin t-shirt to school. The girl volunteers at the Republican headquarters and was given the shirt as a gift for her efforts. Her tolerant classmates said that she was white and that's why she was voting for whitey. Or something like that. Gee, I guess kids ARE listening to their parents. At least when it comes to political propaganda.
5. Mentally Disabled Man's Vote Stolen....A mentally disabled Georgia man was driven from his care facility, without his family's permission, to a voting center and was told he couldn't vote for McCain (his choice). Instead, the "helpful" assistant checked Obama's name on the ballot and cast it. Just a question: ARE WE REALLY GOING TO ALLOW OBAMA TO STEAL THIS ELECTION!!!!!
6. Convicted Felons Allowed to Vote in Washington. Desperate to anoint "The Chosen One," the Secretary of State in Washington will allow some 24,000 convicted felons to cast votes. due to new computer system that didn't catch the convicts in the registry. Because of those discrepancies, elections officials don't think it's "practical" to eliminate any of the 24,000 or so felons in question. Instead, all will be handed ballots for the upcoming primary election.
7. Madonna and Guy Richie Divorcing. Anyone surprised? I'm just surprised it took this long. He seems way to refined to be married to that skank.
8. Another Congressman, Another Sex Scandal. The guy who won disgraced GOP Congressman Tom Foley's seat is in a spot of trouble himself. You see, Tim Mahoney ran on the morality platform while he was engaged in an extra-marital affair with a campaign worker. Oh and apparently he was cheating on the girlfriend as well. Now the FBI is investigating to see if he used campaign funds as hush money. Pot meet Kettle.
9. Joe Biden Can't Count. Listen, Skippy, "jobs" is a four-letter word. Not a three-letter word. I can't believe these people are ahead in the polls.
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