Garage Sale Fun

Today was my first garage sale in like 9 years. I'd forgotten just how entertaining it can be. Mucho thanks for Gator helping out with it and to both him and Bud for nearly killing themselves getting furniture from the upstairs into the garage. So the burning question...how much did I make? Well, if the dude across the street remembers he bought the sectional from me and actually pays for it and comes and gets it, $650.00. I still have so much crap left over that I'm holding another one next Saturday and whatever doesn't go then gets donated or trashed.

All I can say is there are some cheap-ass people out there. One lady liked the sectional but didn't want to pay a whopping $150 for it. Jeez, lady, you ain't getting a sofa like that for $10 and good luck paying less than $900 for it new. One lady talked me down from $2 to $1 for my wedding shoes that were only worn once (twice if you count the Ebay ad) and cost $125 new. Of course, she at least paid for them. One bitch stole a pair. Seriously, she stole my black slingbacks that cost like $90. I hope she enjoys them. I mean, if you're that desperate that you steal a pair of $2 shoes from a garage sale, then you obviously need them. One guy bought one bar stool. Why do you buy only one?

Highlight of the day: watching Meth Lady across the street. She is married to the goofy, drug-addled son of the old guy who bought the sectional. Let's just say that's what happens when you marry your first lap dance. Anyway, she comes prancing on over and decides she wants two of the bar stools and she'd be back later. Gator puts the bar stools aside for her. Then she, Goofy Guy, and their boyfriend or whatever go to the pool (which means I'm not going swimming until they clean it on Wednesday). This is after she stands in the garage and flashes us while she's putting sunscreen on.

After they come back from the pool, she comes over and says forget about the bar stools 'cause he can't decide if he wants them or not. Sometime during the sale, Goofy Guy decides to put his arm around me to hug me. He keeps meandering back and forth from our garage to his. After he leaves, Gator very nicely offers to watch the sale while I go shower.

Anyway, a little while later, Meth Lady comes back with a Popsicle and sees the vacuum that's been sitting out there all day and has a conniption she's so excited. She wants to know if it works. "Well, yes," say I, "but it won't stand upright." "How much," she asks. Gator and I look at each other and I say, "$5." "$5!!! I'll be back." During this time, she's telling us about how she pulled a muscle in her leg and that's why she's limping. As she limps back across the street, I look at Gator and say, "Probably from wrapping her leg around a pole." Gator says, "Watch. She won't have that limp in a minute." So she comes back with her $5 (should've decontaminated it) and takes the vacuum. Then she says, "Oh it's one of those you don't need a bag for." "Yeah, It's a bag-less." So she goes back across the street. This time, she has no limp.

She goes back to the garage and takes the canister off and the filter out and proceeds to beat the filter on the driveway. Dust is flying everywhere ('cause I didn't bother to clean it out first). Gator and I start laughing. Then she takes the canister to the side of the house to rinse it out with the hose. Meanwhile, she left the vacuum under the garage door. Goofy Guy and Boy Toy get in the car and leave. He obviously closes the garage door which goes down on top of the vacuum cleaner and then back up. I'm laughing so hard I'm about to choke on a McDonald's apple pie. Gator is having to look away so they don't see him laughing.

Meth Lady is still cleaning out the canister when she suddenly gets the urge to water the plants on the front porch. When she's all done with that, she puts the vacuum back together and plugs it in. In the garage. She then starts vacuuming the garage and we hear a loud, "WOOOHOOO!!!!" Then she goes back in the house. To vacuum, I guess. Gator said she'd have that whole house vacuumed in 5 minutes. Gator and I really thought Bud should have been there to witness all this.

However, I am sad to report that Meth Lady and Goofy Guy are moving out. Soon I hope.