Saturday: Wal-Mart, Target, Home Depot, paint, paint, paint, clean, paint, bought a mattress I can't afford, Sam's Club, paint, paint, paint
Sunday: Boss calls at 7:50 a.m., time sheets for work, paint, paint, paint, took kids to movies so they'd leave me alone, paint, paint, paint, helped Gator with the flat panel mount, McDonald's, paint, paint, paint
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
What Happens When You Make Too Much Money?
Your boss calls you at 7:50 a.m. on Sunday morning before he leaves town for a deposition. I think I'll go finish painting my room now.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Dish of the Day
Wouldn't be Friday without the Dish of the Day. Today's dish is another Brit import who appears in a lot of historical pieces (noticing a trend yet?). I refer to the delightful Mr. Darcy....Colin Firth.
Friday's What the Hamster?
I see crazy has made a comeback. Maybe it's the gas prices or food prices or the fact that our two presidential candidates have made the 2008 election a choice between Dumb and Dumber. Anyway, here's the WTH? stories for this week:
1. This Week's Supreme Court Decisions. So we can't put to death child rapists but we have the right to keep and bear arms. Uh...okay. Best part about the second decision was Stephen Breyer's dissent in which he wrote: Justice Stephen Breyer wrote a separate dissent in which he said, "In my view, there simply is no untouchable constitutional right guaranteed by the Second Amendment to keep loaded handguns in the house in crime-ridden urban areas." Okay but we've managed to find a right to gay marriage, abortion, and flag burning?
2. Teens Beat Homeless Man to Death as Cars Slow to Watch. What the hell is wrong with teenagers these days? Granted it was in Cleveland but 14-17 year olds beating a guy to death for his CD player and headphones? And no one got out their cars to stop it? We need to fix this country ASAP 'cause it's going to hell in a handbasket. And no, Obamahamster isn't the solution.
3. Massachusett's Lawmaker/Defense Lawyer Promises to Rip Apart Child Rape Victims. Another reason why I hate this profession. There's a thin line between zealous advocacy and being a hamster-hole and this guy crossed it. This has to do with minimum sentencing guidelines for child rapists. Here's what this find member of the Bar had to say, Rep. James Fagan, a Democrat, made the comments during debate last month on the state House floor.
"I'm gonna rip them apart," Fagan said of young victims during his testimony on the bill. "I'm going to make sure that the rest of their life is ruined, that when they’re 8 years old, they throw up; when they’re 12 years old, they won’t sleep; when they’re 19 years old, they’ll have nightmares and they’ll never have a relationship with anybody.”
Isn't that lovely? I hope Mr. Fagan doesn't have any daughters.
4. Another Reason Not to Allow Your Child on MySpace. I'm currently fighting this battle with the oldest. A 12 year old girl is missing after she lied to her family about meeting a friend when she was actually going to meet someone she met on MySpace. She's been missing for 48 hours and they have no idea if she went to meet a man or woman. My bet is it's a guy. I just hope they find her alive.
5. Mexican Military in the US. Apparently, drug dealers are hiring members of the Mexican Army to conduct home invasions and assassinations in Phoenix. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this constitute an act of war? A few bombs dropped on Mexico City may get their attention.
6. Convicted Sex Offender Rapes and Murders Female Guard. The guy was serving 2 life sentences for kidnapping and sexual assault but there was a female guard? Seriously? Ladies, I know we want equality but do we really need to be prison guards at a male prison? Didn't she have a gun? Why didn't she shoot him?
1. This Week's Supreme Court Decisions. So we can't put to death child rapists but we have the right to keep and bear arms. Uh...okay. Best part about the second decision was Stephen Breyer's dissent in which he wrote: Justice Stephen Breyer wrote a separate dissent in which he said, "In my view, there simply is no untouchable constitutional right guaranteed by the Second Amendment to keep loaded handguns in the house in crime-ridden urban areas." Okay but we've managed to find a right to gay marriage, abortion, and flag burning?
2. Teens Beat Homeless Man to Death as Cars Slow to Watch. What the hell is wrong with teenagers these days? Granted it was in Cleveland but 14-17 year olds beating a guy to death for his CD player and headphones? And no one got out their cars to stop it? We need to fix this country ASAP 'cause it's going to hell in a handbasket. And no, Obamahamster isn't the solution.
3. Massachusett's Lawmaker/Defense Lawyer Promises to Rip Apart Child Rape Victims. Another reason why I hate this profession. There's a thin line between zealous advocacy and being a hamster-hole and this guy crossed it. This has to do with minimum sentencing guidelines for child rapists. Here's what this find member of the Bar had to say, Rep. James Fagan, a Democrat, made the comments during debate last month on the state House floor.
"I'm gonna rip them apart," Fagan said of young victims during his testimony on the bill. "I'm going to make sure that the rest of their life is ruined, that when they’re 8 years old, they throw up; when they’re 12 years old, they won’t sleep; when they’re 19 years old, they’ll have nightmares and they’ll never have a relationship with anybody.”
Isn't that lovely? I hope Mr. Fagan doesn't have any daughters.
4. Another Reason Not to Allow Your Child on MySpace. I'm currently fighting this battle with the oldest. A 12 year old girl is missing after she lied to her family about meeting a friend when she was actually going to meet someone she met on MySpace. She's been missing for 48 hours and they have no idea if she went to meet a man or woman. My bet is it's a guy. I just hope they find her alive.
5. Mexican Military in the US. Apparently, drug dealers are hiring members of the Mexican Army to conduct home invasions and assassinations in Phoenix. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this constitute an act of war? A few bombs dropped on Mexico City may get their attention.
6. Convicted Sex Offender Rapes and Murders Female Guard. The guy was serving 2 life sentences for kidnapping and sexual assault but there was a female guard? Seriously? Ladies, I know we want equality but do we really need to be prison guards at a male prison? Didn't she have a gun? Why didn't she shoot him?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
People With Nothing Better to Do
So I had to shut down the church blog (again) because people can't mind their own business (again). Here's how the cretins found it:
Someone at the SYNOD goes to the site and contacts:
ELDER 1 who goes to the site and contacts:
ELDER 2 who then contacts:
SBTX who goes to the site.
So why does the Synod think they can monitor what I do on my computer anonymously?
Someone at the SYNOD goes to the site and contacts:
ELDER 1 who goes to the site and contacts:
ELDER 2 who then contacts:
SBTX who goes to the site.
So why does the Synod think they can monitor what I do on my computer anonymously?
Jose Cuervo, You Ain't No Friend of Mine
So on my sister's last night here, we decided to make Pineapple Margaritas. I got the recipe from the lady who sold me my new bedroom set after I told her why I was buying a new bedroom set. The recipe calls for 2 cups of Cuervo Gold, 2 cups of Triple Sec, 1 cup of lime juice, and 1 cup of pineapple juice. So we made this concoction and started drinking them from the margarita glasses I have.
I now understand that whole, "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor," joke because after the first couple of glasses, we thought, "Hey this is pretty good." About the time we finished the first pitcher, I got the idea of getting a trunk I had upstairs to use as a coffee table. All this is going on while we're watching, "Pride and Prejudice." So we run upstairs, grab the trunk, and start back down stairs. Apparently, I was going too fast because my sister started giggling and dropped her end of the trunk. On my wrist. I thought I had broken it but I'm happy to report that it's doing well. I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to my elbow, though.
My sister then decides she needs another drink and her friend makes another pitcher, thus finishing off an entire bottle of tequila and triple sec. I don't remember how many glasses we had of that one. My sister suddenly announces she has to throw up and she's off to the bathroom. After she's done, she announces she's going to bed thus breaking up the party.
The next day, none of us can function. General consensus was it was like getting hit in the back of the head with a two by four. Sis spent every hour praying to the porcelain god. I took a shower sitting on the floor of the shower. When I opened my eyes, I realized I was sitting on the drain and water was filling the bottom of the shower. So I spent the day in bed due to that little adventure combined with the back and neck spasms from all the stress I'm under. Meanwhile Sis and her friend had to make the 12 hour drive home. Hamster, I couldn't even drive to the store without having to lay back down. I have no idea how they did it.
Anyway, that has cured me from alcohol for awhile. I don't understand how people can do that night after night.
I now understand that whole, "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor," joke because after the first couple of glasses, we thought, "Hey this is pretty good." About the time we finished the first pitcher, I got the idea of getting a trunk I had upstairs to use as a coffee table. All this is going on while we're watching, "Pride and Prejudice." So we run upstairs, grab the trunk, and start back down stairs. Apparently, I was going too fast because my sister started giggling and dropped her end of the trunk. On my wrist. I thought I had broken it but I'm happy to report that it's doing well. I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to my elbow, though.
My sister then decides she needs another drink and her friend makes another pitcher, thus finishing off an entire bottle of tequila and triple sec. I don't remember how many glasses we had of that one. My sister suddenly announces she has to throw up and she's off to the bathroom. After she's done, she announces she's going to bed thus breaking up the party.
The next day, none of us can function. General consensus was it was like getting hit in the back of the head with a two by four. Sis spent every hour praying to the porcelain god. I took a shower sitting on the floor of the shower. When I opened my eyes, I realized I was sitting on the drain and water was filling the bottom of the shower. So I spent the day in bed due to that little adventure combined with the back and neck spasms from all the stress I'm under. Meanwhile Sis and her friend had to make the 12 hour drive home. Hamster, I couldn't even drive to the store without having to lay back down. I have no idea how they did it.
Anyway, that has cured me from alcohol for awhile. I don't understand how people can do that night after night.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Son of a Hamster
Yes, I'm alive. Barely. I'll explain more in the next post. My children were brought home by my sister and her friend on Saturday thus ending my 3 week sabbatical. I didn't even go bar hopping while I was sans children. Anyway, their uncle apparently got tired of hearing the word "freakin'" coming out their mouths so he banned the word in favor of....hamster. Yes, hamster. I love it so much, I use it for all my potty words. Here's a few examples:
-Son of a hamster
-Motherhamster
-Hamster sucker
-Holy hamster
-Hamsterhole
-Shut the hamster up
-Dumbhamster
So when I now talk about the STBX (soon to be ex), it'll go something like this: "That stupid son of a hamster only offered me $5k to go away. Can you believe the nerve of that hamster? He's such a hamsterhole."
(*And no. I'm not on drugs.)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Dish of the Day
With all the legal wranglings going on in my life, I pert near forgot the Dish of the Day. This weeks honor goes to that dish from Down Under...Hugh Jackman. Most famous for his role as Wolverine in the X-Men films, he's also starred in Van Helsing.
Friday's WTF?
I'm not sure what's going on in the world. Is it the gas prices making people crazy? There certainly are a lot of weird stories in the news. Here are some of my favorites.
1. Czech Mom Accused of Skinning Son and Feeding Him to Relatives. This is just sick and twisted. Of course, you just had to know that a religious cult was involved. Oh and they also sexually abused the child and his brother as well as keeping them in cages. Does the Czech Republic have the death penalty?
2. Pregnancy Pact at Massachusetts High School. 17 dumbasses thought it would be cool to get knocked up out of wedlock ('cause Jamie Lynn did it and it's sooooooo cooooool) with one getting impregnated by a 24 year old homeless guy. What the hell is wrong with parents that they are producing such idiotic children? (h/t Abbadon)
3. Man Charged With Illegally Injecting Silicone into Women's Butts. Yeah, you've got Sir Mixalot in your head now. A Miami man was arrested for having "pumping parties" in which he would inject silicone into women's butts to make them look bigger. No, he did not have a medical license.
4. Iranian President Claims US Plotted to Kill Him. The head nutjob in Iran claims the US plotted to kill him during his visit to Baghdad. What said nutjob doesn't understand is that if we wanted to kill him, he'd be dead already.
1. Czech Mom Accused of Skinning Son and Feeding Him to Relatives. This is just sick and twisted. Of course, you just had to know that a religious cult was involved. Oh and they also sexually abused the child and his brother as well as keeping them in cages. Does the Czech Republic have the death penalty?
2. Pregnancy Pact at Massachusetts High School. 17 dumbasses thought it would be cool to get knocked up out of wedlock ('cause Jamie Lynn did it and it's sooooooo cooooool) with one getting impregnated by a 24 year old homeless guy. What the hell is wrong with parents that they are producing such idiotic children? (h/t Abbadon)
3. Man Charged With Illegally Injecting Silicone into Women's Butts. Yeah, you've got Sir Mixalot in your head now. A Miami man was arrested for having "pumping parties" in which he would inject silicone into women's butts to make them look bigger. No, he did not have a medical license.
4. Iranian President Claims US Plotted to Kill Him. The head nutjob in Iran claims the US plotted to kill him during his visit to Baghdad. What said nutjob doesn't understand is that if we wanted to kill him, he'd be dead already.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Things I Don't Give a Rat's A$$ About....
The news is just annoying the crap out of me these days. It really is. My kids have been gone for nearly a month and I've had the TV on exactly 3 times. Twice it was to see how severe the weather was. I now skip a lot of the news on the Internet because they rehash the same story about 15 times. So here are the news items that has everyone talking and that I don't give a rat's ass about:
1. Gay Marriage. Who the hell cares? Really? It's not like they'll all live in marital bliss the rest of their lives because they're gay. They'll be miserable and broke like the rest of us and then it won't seem like such a great idea. Kinda like when we women fought for our right to work outside the home. Now we're expected to do that PLUS take care of the home. Who got the better end of that deal? That's right, the men.
2. Tim Russert. He anchored a show on PBS. Why are they treating him like he's the modern Edward R. Murrow? The only thing missing was his body lying in state in the Capital rotunda. Enough already.
3. Obama and McCain. Can we just have the election now? Why do we even have Conventions? Oh that's right so the Dems can get hookers and the Republicans can get...well...whoever.
4. Torture of detainees. Who cares? These aren't Sunday School teachers. These are terrorists who took up arms to kill US civilians and military members. At least we didn't cut anyone's head off on live television....slowly...with a knife....
5. NBA playoffs. Did anyone outside LA and Boston even watch? Oh and I guess the Lakers blew it and the Celtics won.
6. Dumbass Lawsuits. First there was the lady and the coffee. Then it was the judge and the $50 million pair of pants. Now it's some 52 year old woman suing Victoria's Secret because her thong snapped and hit her in the eye. Why did she have her face down at her crotch? I use a mirror to make sure my stuff is where it needs to be in a pair of panties. BiW has a great post on this over at his site.
1. Gay Marriage. Who the hell cares? Really? It's not like they'll all live in marital bliss the rest of their lives because they're gay. They'll be miserable and broke like the rest of us and then it won't seem like such a great idea. Kinda like when we women fought for our right to work outside the home. Now we're expected to do that PLUS take care of the home. Who got the better end of that deal? That's right, the men.
2. Tim Russert. He anchored a show on PBS. Why are they treating him like he's the modern Edward R. Murrow? The only thing missing was his body lying in state in the Capital rotunda. Enough already.
3. Obama and McCain. Can we just have the election now? Why do we even have Conventions? Oh that's right so the Dems can get hookers and the Republicans can get...well...whoever.
4. Torture of detainees. Who cares? These aren't Sunday School teachers. These are terrorists who took up arms to kill US civilians and military members. At least we didn't cut anyone's head off on live television....slowly...with a knife....
5. NBA playoffs. Did anyone outside LA and Boston even watch? Oh and I guess the Lakers blew it and the Celtics won.
6. Dumbass Lawsuits. First there was the lady and the coffee. Then it was the judge and the $50 million pair of pants. Now it's some 52 year old woman suing Victoria's Secret because her thong snapped and hit her in the eye. Why did she have her face down at her crotch? I use a mirror to make sure my stuff is where it needs to be in a pair of panties. BiW has a great post on this over at his site.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It's Tuesday
Here's how my day went:
1. Got yelled at by my attorney about the garage sale. Something about a temporary injunction or what not. Told not to do it again.
2. Called Bud to see if he'd heard from Spud. Nope. He was pulling conduit or something so he couldn't talk long.
3. Lunch meeting. Couldn't figure who had what from the Chinese place because none of the food was marked. People got pissy if what they had didn't look right. Got another ass-chewing about the sale in front of everyone. Turns out one of the people I let buy something in advanced ratted me out. No pre-sales for him in the future.
4. Figured out if I pay the mortgage people $1500/paycheck, they'll leave my ass alone long enough to sell the money pit and move into my new home. Still leaves me with money for the rest of the bills (now that they're caught up) and food and maybe even gas for the car.
5. Came home and finished my ghetto carpet repair job upstairs.
6. Went to the grocery store. Bought another Lean Cuisine (I now know what the good ones are versus the suck ones), Yoplait, dog food, and caramel rice cakes because I decided to go on a diet yesterday. The dog food is for the dog.
7. Realized I have no one to talk to and now I'm talking to the cat (who does not respond).
8. Ate my Lean Cuisine, drinking a glass of wine, and blogging. Eventually I'll decide to vacuum the living room rug before the new sofa arrives tomorrow.
Okay, my life sucks.
1. Got yelled at by my attorney about the garage sale. Something about a temporary injunction or what not. Told not to do it again.
2. Called Bud to see if he'd heard from Spud. Nope. He was pulling conduit or something so he couldn't talk long.
3. Lunch meeting. Couldn't figure who had what from the Chinese place because none of the food was marked. People got pissy if what they had didn't look right. Got another ass-chewing about the sale in front of everyone. Turns out one of the people I let buy something in advanced ratted me out. No pre-sales for him in the future.
4. Figured out if I pay the mortgage people $1500/paycheck, they'll leave my ass alone long enough to sell the money pit and move into my new home. Still leaves me with money for the rest of the bills (now that they're caught up) and food and maybe even gas for the car.
5. Came home and finished my ghetto carpet repair job upstairs.
6. Went to the grocery store. Bought another Lean Cuisine (I now know what the good ones are versus the suck ones), Yoplait, dog food, and caramel rice cakes because I decided to go on a diet yesterday. The dog food is for the dog.
7. Realized I have no one to talk to and now I'm talking to the cat (who does not respond).
8. Ate my Lean Cuisine, drinking a glass of wine, and blogging. Eventually I'll decide to vacuum the living room rug before the new sofa arrives tomorrow.
Okay, my life sucks.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Love and Marriage
84 year old Phyllis Lyon and 87 year old Del Martin, together for 55 years, will be the first gay couple to tie the knot in California since that state's Supreme Court ruled that gays should be allowed to wed. The two are considered pioneers in the gay-rights movement and started the first advocacy group for lesbians. According to the story:
Four years ago, when they agreed to be married, it was in equal parts to support the mayor and to support the idea that lesbians and gay people formed committed relationships and should have those relationships respected," says Kate Kendell, a close friend and executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
The story goes on about how committed they are and how they want to be married, blah, blah, blah. Okay, here's where I preach. A piece of paper means nothing . There I said it. Go ahead and nail me to the cross. Why? Because unless two people are committed, marriage means nothing because anyone can leave whenever it suits their purpose. A marriage certificate doesn't provide commitment or obligation or duty or love. It's a piece of paper.
It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay. We had a church wedding and we took vows. I even have the marriage license to prove it. In the end, that piece of paper meant nothing because he left after he got bored. Subsequently, marriage in this day and age is pointless. All it serves to do is to make sure children have a last name that matches their parents (and that it isn't even done all the time).
So love and commitment does not = marriage. Yes, I know what the Bible says. The vows we took came from it. Marriage does not ensure you will be together forever. It just makes it more difficult and expensive to leave. A person will leave if they want to regardless of whether or not there's a marriage. Subsequently, should I decide to enter into another relationship, the chances of me marrying him are slim to none. I don't need the hassle or the financial ruin.
Who cares if gays get married? I don't because they'll have the equal right to be miserable like the rest of us.
(I paid bills today. Can't you tell?)
Four years ago, when they agreed to be married, it was in equal parts to support the mayor and to support the idea that lesbians and gay people formed committed relationships and should have those relationships respected," says Kate Kendell, a close friend and executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights.
The story goes on about how committed they are and how they want to be married, blah, blah, blah. Okay, here's where I preach. A piece of paper means nothing . There I said it. Go ahead and nail me to the cross. Why? Because unless two people are committed, marriage means nothing because anyone can leave whenever it suits their purpose. A marriage certificate doesn't provide commitment or obligation or duty or love. It's a piece of paper.
It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay. We had a church wedding and we took vows. I even have the marriage license to prove it. In the end, that piece of paper meant nothing because he left after he got bored. Subsequently, marriage in this day and age is pointless. All it serves to do is to make sure children have a last name that matches their parents (and that it isn't even done all the time).
So love and commitment does not = marriage. Yes, I know what the Bible says. The vows we took came from it. Marriage does not ensure you will be together forever. It just makes it more difficult and expensive to leave. A person will leave if they want to regardless of whether or not there's a marriage. Subsequently, should I decide to enter into another relationship, the chances of me marrying him are slim to none. I don't need the hassle or the financial ruin.
Who cares if gays get married? I don't because they'll have the equal right to be miserable like the rest of us.
(I paid bills today. Can't you tell?)
No, I Haven't Posted Much Lately...
I'm so freakin' tired, I can barely stay awake during the day. Plus I really don't have much to talk about. I'm sure me griping ad nauseam about the soon-to-be ex has gotten on everyone's nerves and I don't even have time to read much news. All I know is that Tim Russert died but since I don't watch "Meet the Press," I don't know much about him except he was a Democrat. Although, I'm not sure why all the fanfare over him. It's not like Walter Cronkite died.
We had a gully washer of a thunderstorm at 2 am this morning. I come out of the bedroom to find water pouring out of the dining room ceiling. I actually had to get a bucket. Yet one more thing to fix.
I ordered a new sofa since I sold all my living room furniture. I hated it anyway and it was something the spouse picked out because it was "8-way hand tied." It retailed for $4500 and we bought it for 1/2 that. I sold it for $300. Here is my new sofa. Now I just need to find some tables and lamps that I like to go with it.
See? Nothing to talk about....
We had a gully washer of a thunderstorm at 2 am this morning. I come out of the bedroom to find water pouring out of the dining room ceiling. I actually had to get a bucket. Yet one more thing to fix.
I ordered a new sofa since I sold all my living room furniture. I hated it anyway and it was something the spouse picked out because it was "8-way hand tied." It retailed for $4500 and we bought it for 1/2 that. I sold it for $300. Here is my new sofa. Now I just need to find some tables and lamps that I like to go with it.
See? Nothing to talk about....
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Happy Father's Day
To all my friends and family who happened to be Dads. Remember: Be a good father to your children. Otherwise, they'll grow up mental and/or become a guest of the state.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Garage Sale Fun
Today was my first garage sale in like 9 years. I'd forgotten just how entertaining it can be. Mucho thanks for Gator helping out with it and to both him and Bud for nearly killing themselves getting furniture from the upstairs into the garage. So the burning question...how much did I make? Well, if the dude across the street remembers he bought the sectional from me and actually pays for it and comes and gets it, $650.00. I still have so much crap left over that I'm holding another one next Saturday and whatever doesn't go then gets donated or trashed.
All I can say is there are some cheap-ass people out there. One lady liked the sectional but didn't want to pay a whopping $150 for it. Jeez, lady, you ain't getting a sofa like that for $10 and good luck paying less than $900 for it new. One lady talked me down from $2 to $1 for my wedding shoes that were only worn once (twice if you count the Ebay ad) and cost $125 new. Of course, she at least paid for them. One bitch stole a pair. Seriously, she stole my black slingbacks that cost like $90. I hope she enjoys them. I mean, if you're that desperate that you steal a pair of $2 shoes from a garage sale, then you obviously need them. One guy bought one bar stool. Why do you buy only one?
Highlight of the day: watching Meth Lady across the street. She is married to the goofy, drug-addled son of the old guy who bought the sectional. Let's just say that's what happens when you marry your first lap dance. Anyway, she comes prancing on over and decides she wants two of the bar stools and she'd be back later. Gator puts the bar stools aside for her. Then she, Goofy Guy, and their boyfriend or whatever go to the pool (which means I'm not going swimming until they clean it on Wednesday). This is after she stands in the garage and flashes us while she's putting sunscreen on.
After they come back from the pool, she comes over and says forget about the bar stools 'cause he can't decide if he wants them or not. Sometime during the sale, Goofy Guy decides to put his arm around me to hug me. He keeps meandering back and forth from our garage to his. After he leaves, Gator very nicely offers to watch the sale while I go shower.
Anyway, a little while later, Meth Lady comes back with a Popsicle and sees the vacuum that's been sitting out there all day and has a conniption she's so excited. She wants to know if it works. "Well, yes," say I, "but it won't stand upright." "How much," she asks. Gator and I look at each other and I say, "$5." "$5!!! I'll be back." During this time, she's telling us about how she pulled a muscle in her leg and that's why she's limping. As she limps back across the street, I look at Gator and say, "Probably from wrapping her leg around a pole." Gator says, "Watch. She won't have that limp in a minute." So she comes back with her $5 (should've decontaminated it) and takes the vacuum. Then she says, "Oh it's one of those you don't need a bag for." "Yeah, It's a bag-less." So she goes back across the street. This time, she has no limp.
She goes back to the garage and takes the canister off and the filter out and proceeds to beat the filter on the driveway. Dust is flying everywhere ('cause I didn't bother to clean it out first). Gator and I start laughing. Then she takes the canister to the side of the house to rinse it out with the hose. Meanwhile, she left the vacuum under the garage door. Goofy Guy and Boy Toy get in the car and leave. He obviously closes the garage door which goes down on top of the vacuum cleaner and then back up. I'm laughing so hard I'm about to choke on a McDonald's apple pie. Gator is having to look away so they don't see him laughing.
Meth Lady is still cleaning out the canister when she suddenly gets the urge to water the plants on the front porch. When she's all done with that, she puts the vacuum back together and plugs it in. In the garage. She then starts vacuuming the garage and we hear a loud, "WOOOHOOO!!!!" Then she goes back in the house. To vacuum, I guess. Gator said she'd have that whole house vacuumed in 5 minutes. Gator and I really thought Bud should have been there to witness all this.
However, I am sad to report that Meth Lady and Goofy Guy are moving out. Soon I hope.
All I can say is there are some cheap-ass people out there. One lady liked the sectional but didn't want to pay a whopping $150 for it. Jeez, lady, you ain't getting a sofa like that for $10 and good luck paying less than $900 for it new. One lady talked me down from $2 to $1 for my wedding shoes that were only worn once (twice if you count the Ebay ad) and cost $125 new. Of course, she at least paid for them. One bitch stole a pair. Seriously, she stole my black slingbacks that cost like $90. I hope she enjoys them. I mean, if you're that desperate that you steal a pair of $2 shoes from a garage sale, then you obviously need them. One guy bought one bar stool. Why do you buy only one?
Highlight of the day: watching Meth Lady across the street. She is married to the goofy, drug-addled son of the old guy who bought the sectional. Let's just say that's what happens when you marry your first lap dance. Anyway, she comes prancing on over and decides she wants two of the bar stools and she'd be back later. Gator puts the bar stools aside for her. Then she, Goofy Guy, and their boyfriend or whatever go to the pool (which means I'm not going swimming until they clean it on Wednesday). This is after she stands in the garage and flashes us while she's putting sunscreen on.
After they come back from the pool, she comes over and says forget about the bar stools 'cause he can't decide if he wants them or not. Sometime during the sale, Goofy Guy decides to put his arm around me to hug me. He keeps meandering back and forth from our garage to his. After he leaves, Gator very nicely offers to watch the sale while I go shower.
Anyway, a little while later, Meth Lady comes back with a Popsicle and sees the vacuum that's been sitting out there all day and has a conniption she's so excited. She wants to know if it works. "Well, yes," say I, "but it won't stand upright." "How much," she asks. Gator and I look at each other and I say, "$5." "$5!!! I'll be back." During this time, she's telling us about how she pulled a muscle in her leg and that's why she's limping. As she limps back across the street, I look at Gator and say, "Probably from wrapping her leg around a pole." Gator says, "Watch. She won't have that limp in a minute." So she comes back with her $5 (should've decontaminated it) and takes the vacuum. Then she says, "Oh it's one of those you don't need a bag for." "Yeah, It's a bag-less." So she goes back across the street. This time, she has no limp.
She goes back to the garage and takes the canister off and the filter out and proceeds to beat the filter on the driveway. Dust is flying everywhere ('cause I didn't bother to clean it out first). Gator and I start laughing. Then she takes the canister to the side of the house to rinse it out with the hose. Meanwhile, she left the vacuum under the garage door. Goofy Guy and Boy Toy get in the car and leave. He obviously closes the garage door which goes down on top of the vacuum cleaner and then back up. I'm laughing so hard I'm about to choke on a McDonald's apple pie. Gator is having to look away so they don't see him laughing.
Meth Lady is still cleaning out the canister when she suddenly gets the urge to water the plants on the front porch. When she's all done with that, she puts the vacuum back together and plugs it in. In the garage. She then starts vacuuming the garage and we hear a loud, "WOOOHOOO!!!!" Then she goes back in the house. To vacuum, I guess. Gator said she'd have that whole house vacuumed in 5 minutes. Gator and I really thought Bud should have been there to witness all this.
However, I am sad to report that Meth Lady and Goofy Guy are moving out. Soon I hope.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday's WTF?
Here it is. Another edition of Friday's WTF? Lots of stories this week, including one near my neck of the woods.
1. Two girls murdered near Weleetka, OK. Who the hell would gun down an 11 year old and a 13 year old who were walking along a dirt road? Apparently, two psychos because there were 2 different caliber bullets found in the victims (both shot multiple times in the face and chest). Dollar says they interrupted a drug deal.
2. Moms Turn Sleepover into Sex Party. Ladies (and I use that term loosely), what the hell is wrong with you that you decide to have sex with a 14 year old? Go find yourself a man over the age of 18, for God's sake and leave the children alone.
3. Susan Atkins May Be Released From Prison. We all remember this charmer, who at the age of 20, stabbed Sharon Tate to death. Apparently, Charlie Manson's top lieutenant is dying and they're trying to get her released. Nice of the state to show her the mercy she never bothered to show her victims.
4. Cedar Rapids Under Water. How long will it be before the environmental nuts start blaming the Great Flood of 2008 on global warming?
5. Tornado Kills 4 Boy Scouts. I'm not sure what's going on in Iowa. Truly a sad tale. I guess no one checked the weather? Oh and this leftist blog IS blaming global warming for the deaths of these scouts.
1. Two girls murdered near Weleetka, OK. Who the hell would gun down an 11 year old and a 13 year old who were walking along a dirt road? Apparently, two psychos because there were 2 different caliber bullets found in the victims (both shot multiple times in the face and chest). Dollar says they interrupted a drug deal.
2. Moms Turn Sleepover into Sex Party. Ladies (and I use that term loosely), what the hell is wrong with you that you decide to have sex with a 14 year old? Go find yourself a man over the age of 18, for God's sake and leave the children alone.
3. Susan Atkins May Be Released From Prison. We all remember this charmer, who at the age of 20, stabbed Sharon Tate to death. Apparently, Charlie Manson's top lieutenant is dying and they're trying to get her released. Nice of the state to show her the mercy she never bothered to show her victims.
4. Cedar Rapids Under Water. How long will it be before the environmental nuts start blaming the Great Flood of 2008 on global warming?
5. Tornado Kills 4 Boy Scouts. I'm not sure what's going on in Iowa. Truly a sad tale. I guess no one checked the weather? Oh and this leftist blog IS blaming global warming for the deaths of these scouts.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
US Life Expectancy Hits 78
According to this article, the CDC says that US life expectancy is now at a record 78.1 years for babies born in 2006. I'm not sure what it is for the rest of us. I assume around the same.
The funny part of that? My father died in January 2004, one month before his 78th birthday. This man smoked 2 packs of cigarettes per day for 60 years, drank at least a six-pack of beer per day for 60 years and had open heart surgery at the age of 50. Yet he met the average life expectancy in the US.
Why the hell are we so obsessed with what we eat and drink then? Hell, my dad had a pretty good time and still met the US average. Maybe we need to quit trying to live forever and just live.
The funny part of that? My father died in January 2004, one month before his 78th birthday. This man smoked 2 packs of cigarettes per day for 60 years, drank at least a six-pack of beer per day for 60 years and had open heart surgery at the age of 50. Yet he met the average life expectancy in the US.
Why the hell are we so obsessed with what we eat and drink then? Hell, my dad had a pretty good time and still met the US average. Maybe we need to quit trying to live forever and just live.
Dish of the Day
Just in time for The Dark Knight, today's Dish of the Day is Christian Bale. He was cute when he played Laurie in Little Women with Winona Ryder. Now he's mucho caliente. I had my doubts about him as Batman but he did a great job. Plus he's really nice to look at. Far nicer than previous Batmans.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Stuff to Think About
Yeah, I waited until now to post. Why? 'Cause I really haven't had anything to say. Apparently, the not-yet-ex-spouse is flat broke. Not only flat broke but hasn't and can't pay his bills. On top of that. the girlfriend he left me for dumped him awhile back. Well, she called him on Monday and told him she was coming by the pub with some friends. Of course, he gets all excited, thinking they were getting back together. Then she asks if one of her friends could get a couple of free beers 'cause he was broke and all. He, thinking he's getting laid, agrees.
Tramp shows up with dude, dude drinks his freebies then starts making out with the tramp. Spud, of course, is livid. Big fat "duh." I told him the barflies would use him and dump him but he wouldn't listen. This is the person he destroyed his life for.
Here's the part of it that I have been stewing about: someone asked him if I didn't have my kids would he come back to me. He said there were a lot of issues to deal with. Translation: I'd like to but she won't have me. First, my kids are my kids. I'm not giving them up for any man. Second, like I'd have him. I've been stewing about that all day. To even entertain the thought that I might take him back after all he's done is awfully presumptuous.
Anyway, that's all I got today.
Tramp shows up with dude, dude drinks his freebies then starts making out with the tramp. Spud, of course, is livid. Big fat "duh." I told him the barflies would use him and dump him but he wouldn't listen. This is the person he destroyed his life for.
Here's the part of it that I have been stewing about: someone asked him if I didn't have my kids would he come back to me. He said there were a lot of issues to deal with. Translation: I'd like to but she won't have me. First, my kids are my kids. I'm not giving them up for any man. Second, like I'd have him. I've been stewing about that all day. To even entertain the thought that I might take him back after all he's done is awfully presumptuous.
Anyway, that's all I got today.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
More Hypocrisy from Hollyweird
Remember how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went around the world looking at poor people and pretended like they care? Well, now Angie is having more babies and she and her beau are busy decorating their nursery. To the tune of $140,000. For a nursery. What's in said nursery?
- Organza bassinets ($800/each)
- Versailles-style cribs ($3200/each)
- Changing tables ($2800/each)
- Armoires ($4500/each)
- Silk gliders (no price listed)
- Two pink crystal chandeliers ($899/each)
Plus the usual stuff that we all get when we have a baby: cashmere toys. All the while going around and doing the, "Bill Clinton I feel your pain," tour and adopting kids from poor countries. These two really make me ill.
Monday, June 9, 2008
It's Monday
Yes, I know. Master of the obvious. I came home from work today at noon because my joints hurt from the 12 hours of rain we had plus all the physical labor I did over the weekend. As I was driving home, I drove past not-yet-ex-spouse's place of business and noticed it was closed. Now, it's never been closed on Monday before.
I was talking to my sister on the phone at the time who said, "Maybe he killed himself." Yeah, we're kinda blunt that way. I said, "Oh that'd be great. Then I'd be his widow and have to take care of more crap. In that case, his brother can haul the carcass off and figure out what to do with it."
Anyhow, I found out from a little bird who was in the neighborhood that Sparky has changed his Monday hours to 4pm-11pm. I guess he needs that much time to recover from his Saturday night drunk fest. Or maybe his girlfriend is wearing him out....HAHAHAHA. I crack myself up.
Then I decided to take a nap. It would have been a really good nap had the phone not rang off the blasted hook. I finally got up about 30 minutes ago and checked voice mail. EVERY ONE of those calls was some bill collector looking for that deadbeat. Oh except the supposed non-profit looking for a handout. Apparently, Chrysler hasn't repo'd the car yet but they'd really like to talk to him. So chances are he's hiding it at the girlfriend's house along with the motorcycle.
All I can say is I'm glad they're looking for him and not me. I just wish they'd quit calling my house.
I was talking to my sister on the phone at the time who said, "Maybe he killed himself." Yeah, we're kinda blunt that way. I said, "Oh that'd be great. Then I'd be his widow and have to take care of more crap. In that case, his brother can haul the carcass off and figure out what to do with it."
Anyhow, I found out from a little bird who was in the neighborhood that Sparky has changed his Monday hours to 4pm-11pm. I guess he needs that much time to recover from his Saturday night drunk fest. Or maybe his girlfriend is wearing him out....HAHAHAHA. I crack myself up.
Then I decided to take a nap. It would have been a really good nap had the phone not rang off the blasted hook. I finally got up about 30 minutes ago and checked voice mail. EVERY ONE of those calls was some bill collector looking for that deadbeat. Oh except the supposed non-profit looking for a handout. Apparently, Chrysler hasn't repo'd the car yet but they'd really like to talk to him. So chances are he's hiding it at the girlfriend's house along with the motorcycle.
All I can say is I'm glad they're looking for him and not me. I just wish they'd quit calling my house.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
It's Sunday
No, I didn't go to church. I had too much to do on this house, of which, only about 1/4 got done. Why? 'Cause it took me two hours to mow and weed eat the lawn and now I can barely type. I'm tired, in pain, and pissed off. I'm also enjoying a lovely glass of Coppola Merlot.
I did, however, go through my dresser to pick out stuff to sell at the garage sale. That's when I realized I didn't wear my lingerie for him except one time each. I think. Hell, I may have bought them and never wore them. No, I'm not selling any of them. I may actually get lucky one day and use them. Unlike my spouse, I don't jump on everything that moves. Anyway, I'm also selling swimsuits I can't get my big ass into as well as PJs, t-shirts, and shorts.
I haven't even been in the attic yet 'cause it's like 90 degrees outside which means it's about 110 in the attic. I still need to go through boxes up there as well as bring down the ladder to the bunk beds I'm selling. Oh and the garage sale table is up there too but that requires a couple of people to get down the stairs. I have no idea how I'm getting that sectional sofa down. Maybe I'll roll it down the stairs.
I'm also selling a lovely down-filled Bernhardt sofa and matching chair that retailed for about $3k. He had to have it because it's an 8-way hand tied and 7 feet long. Also going out the door are the end tables and coffee table he bought which I hate; his mother's 30 year old Ethan Allen desk and hutch; and our bedroom furniture. I really don't need a king-size canopy bed. The cats don't take up that much room and they're the only ones I'm sleeping next to these days.
Oh and did I mention that the idiot was screwing somebody else BEFORE he left me. Yeah, that explains why he wouldn't come near me. He didn't want to be unfaithful to his girlfriend. For all I know, he was doing her in my bed while I was at work. I swear, I hope it falls off.
I did, however, go through my dresser to pick out stuff to sell at the garage sale. That's when I realized I didn't wear my lingerie for him except one time each. I think. Hell, I may have bought them and never wore them. No, I'm not selling any of them. I may actually get lucky one day and use them. Unlike my spouse, I don't jump on everything that moves. Anyway, I'm also selling swimsuits I can't get my big ass into as well as PJs, t-shirts, and shorts.
I haven't even been in the attic yet 'cause it's like 90 degrees outside which means it's about 110 in the attic. I still need to go through boxes up there as well as bring down the ladder to the bunk beds I'm selling. Oh and the garage sale table is up there too but that requires a couple of people to get down the stairs. I have no idea how I'm getting that sectional sofa down. Maybe I'll roll it down the stairs.
I'm also selling a lovely down-filled Bernhardt sofa and matching chair that retailed for about $3k. He had to have it because it's an 8-way hand tied and 7 feet long. Also going out the door are the end tables and coffee table he bought which I hate; his mother's 30 year old Ethan Allen desk and hutch; and our bedroom furniture. I really don't need a king-size canopy bed. The cats don't take up that much room and they're the only ones I'm sleeping next to these days.
Oh and did I mention that the idiot was screwing somebody else BEFORE he left me. Yeah, that explains why he wouldn't come near me. He didn't want to be unfaithful to his girlfriend. For all I know, he was doing her in my bed while I was at work. I swear, I hope it falls off.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
And He Strikes Again...
Yeah, I'm griping a lot. I tend to do that when people cost me money. For example, in the upstairs game room, he had to have the wall plumbed for a wet bar. He even started to build one. But like everything else, he has no follow-through. He tore the old bar out. Now I have missing carpet and baseboard that I have to take care of.
I was going to just cut in the carpet and patch it. However, I have no carpet pad. That means I need a bar. Oh I can buy one for a mere $2k that I don't freakin' have. Jeez. I'm so ready to unload.
*However, I found nifty bar plans online. Maybe I'll do it myself. Don't laugh. I know which end of a hammer to use. Besides, maybe I can enlist some help..."
I was going to just cut in the carpet and patch it. However, I have no carpet pad. That means I need a bar. Oh I can buy one for a mere $2k that I don't freakin' have. Jeez. I'm so ready to unload.
*However, I found nifty bar plans online. Maybe I'll do it myself. Don't laugh. I know which end of a hammer to use. Besides, maybe I can enlist some help..."
Look What the Cat Dragged in...
(Edited to add: My sister says he has no ass. Then she said that it matches the front. Of course, I had to throw in: "He doesn't have anything from the waist down.")
For the morbidly curious, this here be the back side of my soon to be ex-spouse rehearsing at the service he eventually killed with his selfishness.
(courtesy of Gator)
For the morbidly curious, this here be the back side of my soon to be ex-spouse rehearsing at the service he eventually killed with his selfishness.
(courtesy of Gator)
The Best Scene from The Wedding Singer
Okay, okay, one more video and then it's back to Fun in the Country...
Friday, June 6, 2008
Dish of the Day
I figured that if the guys can post pictures of beautiful women each week, I might as well post pics of good-looking men. First up, my favorite (and no, I don't really care if you like him), the delicious Jack Davenport.
Friday's WTF?
Yeah, yeah, it's late but it's still Friday and I've had a bad week. So sue me...hahaha, legal humor. Anyway, here's a list of stories from this week that had me scratching my head.
1. Oil Prices. One guy at Morgan Stanley is responsible for driving up the price of oil $11. One guy. All he had to say was, "Oil will be $150/barrel by July 4th." Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope they all go broke and have to beg for change.
2. Hubby was Bored With Sex Life. I've been following this case because it's so damn sad. Apparently, Neil Entwistle, the Brit who murdered his wife and 9 month old daughter before fleeing back to the UK, was cruising sex sites and setting up trysts before he decided to kill his family. So I guess picking up floozies on the side was getting to difficult or what? Sleazebag. Too bad they don't have the death penalty in Taxachusetts.
3. Clint Eastwood: Spike Lee "should shut his face." Proving why I like him and why I wish he'd lose his mind and run for President, Clint Eastwood responded to Spike Lee's accusation that Eastwood left out black soldiers in Flags of Our Fathers.
Lee's comment: "There were many African-Americans who survived that war and who were upset at Clint for not having one [in 'Flags' or 'Letters From Iwo Jima']. That was his version: The negro soldier did not exist. I have a different version," Lee said recently at the Cannes film festival in France.
In response, Eastwood told the Guardian: "A guy like him should shut his face."
"He was complaining when I did 'Bird' [the 1988 biopic of Charlie Parker]. Why would a white guy be doing that? I was the only guy who made it, that's why. He could have gone ahead and made it. Instead he was making something else."
As for "Flags of Our Fathers," he says there was a small detachment of black troops on Iwo Jima as a part of a munitions company, "but they didn't raise the flag. The story is 'Flags of Our Fathers,' the famous flag-raising picture, and they didn't do that. If I go ahead and put an African-American actor in there, people'd go, 'This guy's lost his mind.' I mean, it's not accurate." So at least one director would rather be accurate than re-write history to be politically correct. Please, please, run for President. We NEED you.
4. And proving there are still idiots in Hollywood....Angelina Jolie Bitches About the Lack of Black Disney Princesses. Angelina Jolie — mother to a 3-year-old Ethiopian daughter — is upset that there aren't any black Disney princesses.
"There still isn't a Disney princess that's African and it's very difficult because our daughter's getting into princesses right now and it upsets me," she told OK! Magazine. (Can't you hear the whine?)
Um, okay, you ran off with another woman's husband, you're having a multitude of kids out of wedlock with your boyfriend, and have adopted foreign kids to make you look good and this is all you have to whine about? God, I can't stand this woman.
5. Edukashion is fundimentel...Proving why our public education system in this country is a freakin' joke, a Cleveland-area high school issued diplomas with the word "education" spelled as "educaiton." Our tax dollars at work.
6. Carbon Offset Chocolate. Billed as, "candy with a conscience," this is so stupid I can't even comment. Just click the link.
7. The Apocalypse is Nigh. Obama said something I agree with. Shoot me now. He pissed off the Palestinians by saying that Israel has a right to Jerusalem and it shouldn't be divided. Here, here. Of course, when Abbas, et al got pissy about it, he started backpedalling like mad because he's a Dem and can't stick to his guns.
1. Oil Prices. One guy at Morgan Stanley is responsible for driving up the price of oil $11. One guy. All he had to say was, "Oil will be $150/barrel by July 4th." Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope they all go broke and have to beg for change.
2. Hubby was Bored With Sex Life. I've been following this case because it's so damn sad. Apparently, Neil Entwistle, the Brit who murdered his wife and 9 month old daughter before fleeing back to the UK, was cruising sex sites and setting up trysts before he decided to kill his family. So I guess picking up floozies on the side was getting to difficult or what? Sleazebag. Too bad they don't have the death penalty in Taxachusetts.
3. Clint Eastwood: Spike Lee "should shut his face." Proving why I like him and why I wish he'd lose his mind and run for President, Clint Eastwood responded to Spike Lee's accusation that Eastwood left out black soldiers in Flags of Our Fathers.
Lee's comment: "There were many African-Americans who survived that war and who were upset at Clint for not having one [in 'Flags' or 'Letters From Iwo Jima']. That was his version: The negro soldier did not exist. I have a different version," Lee said recently at the Cannes film festival in France.
In response, Eastwood told the Guardian: "A guy like him should shut his face."
"He was complaining when I did 'Bird' [the 1988 biopic of Charlie Parker]. Why would a white guy be doing that? I was the only guy who made it, that's why. He could have gone ahead and made it. Instead he was making something else."
As for "Flags of Our Fathers," he says there was a small detachment of black troops on Iwo Jima as a part of a munitions company, "but they didn't raise the flag. The story is 'Flags of Our Fathers,' the famous flag-raising picture, and they didn't do that. If I go ahead and put an African-American actor in there, people'd go, 'This guy's lost his mind.' I mean, it's not accurate." So at least one director would rather be accurate than re-write history to be politically correct. Please, please, run for President. We NEED you.
4. And proving there are still idiots in Hollywood....Angelina Jolie Bitches About the Lack of Black Disney Princesses. Angelina Jolie — mother to a 3-year-old Ethiopian daughter — is upset that there aren't any black Disney princesses.
"There still isn't a Disney princess that's African and it's very difficult because our daughter's getting into princesses right now and it upsets me," she told OK! Magazine. (Can't you hear the whine?)
Um, okay, you ran off with another woman's husband, you're having a multitude of kids out of wedlock with your boyfriend, and have adopted foreign kids to make you look good and this is all you have to whine about? God, I can't stand this woman.
5. Edukashion is fundimentel...Proving why our public education system in this country is a freakin' joke, a Cleveland-area high school issued diplomas with the word "education" spelled as "educaiton." Our tax dollars at work.
6. Carbon Offset Chocolate. Billed as, "candy with a conscience," this is so stupid I can't even comment. Just click the link.
7. The Apocalypse is Nigh. Obama said something I agree with. Shoot me now. He pissed off the Palestinians by saying that Israel has a right to Jerusalem and it shouldn't be divided. Here, here. Of course, when Abbas, et al got pissy about it, he started backpedalling like mad because he's a Dem and can't stick to his guns.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
So What Has My Knickers in a Twist?
Well here's what I found out today:
A. Email confirmation that my spouse has had several girlfriends; and
B. He visited Ye Olde Lutheran on January 6, 2008 and made a cash donation of $130. To the church that burned me at the stake. Behind my back after telling me he was going to work at the pub. After that is when he started acting weird, bringing up the blog, and walked out.
I hold Ye Olde Lutheran responsible for the end of my marriage. They got their revenge for the blog and the ousting of Suzy Psycho. However, paybacks are a bitch.
A. Email confirmation that my spouse has had several girlfriends; and
B. He visited Ye Olde Lutheran on January 6, 2008 and made a cash donation of $130. To the church that burned me at the stake. Behind my back after telling me he was going to work at the pub. After that is when he started acting weird, bringing up the blog, and walked out.
I hold Ye Olde Lutheran responsible for the end of my marriage. They got their revenge for the blog and the ousting of Suzy Psycho. However, paybacks are a bitch.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Fun in the Country, Part III
On Wednesday, my sister decides to take me on a field trip to various local towns which I thought sounded like fun. The first stop was Manchester where we went to Beans Creek Winery. I bought a bottle of Syrah and a bottle of Black Raspberry Rapture as well as a cheese plane.
Next we went to the thriving metropolis of Wartrace, primarily to find a store called the Blockade Runner. Apparently, they don't want anyone except locals finding it because we found it by accident after turning down a road and following it for like 5 miles. I was going to buy this little number but then I couldn't really justify $80 for something no one will see.
Down the road apiece from Wartrace is Bell Buckle. Bell Buckle is home to the annual RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival. Someday, I hope to be the Moon Pie Queen. Hey, we all have dreams. Anyway, they have this great restaurant called the Bell Buckle Cafe where we again had BBQ sandwiches. They also had on the menu Grits Cake and a Moon Pie Sundae. No, we did not have either. After lunch, we went into the various antique shops and picked up a few knick knacks that neither of us really needed but wanted anyway. I even found a Three Stooges sign that said, "The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe."
After all that, we headed back to the farm as we were going off to Gatlinburg the next day.
Next we went to the thriving metropolis of Wartrace, primarily to find a store called the Blockade Runner. Apparently, they don't want anyone except locals finding it because we found it by accident after turning down a road and following it for like 5 miles. I was going to buy this little number but then I couldn't really justify $80 for something no one will see.
Down the road apiece from Wartrace is Bell Buckle. Bell Buckle is home to the annual RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival. Someday, I hope to be the Moon Pie Queen. Hey, we all have dreams. Anyway, they have this great restaurant called the Bell Buckle Cafe where we again had BBQ sandwiches. They also had on the menu Grits Cake and a Moon Pie Sundae. No, we did not have either. After lunch, we went into the various antique shops and picked up a few knick knacks that neither of us really needed but wanted anyway. I even found a Three Stooges sign that said, "The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe."
After all that, we headed back to the farm as we were going off to Gatlinburg the next day.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Fun in the Country, Part II
So where was I before the idiot had my Internet interrupted? Oh yeah. Day 2 was Memorial Day and really, I can only remember going to Wal-Mart in Fayetteville, TN where I found that nifty do-it-yourself dental kit. Then it rained. A lot. We sat around on the porch and drank. A lot.
On Day 3, we went to my sister's friend's house where I saw the Mecca of dressmaking and spent a good 30 minutes looking through a book on the history of fashion. The book taught me:
A. Our sense of fashion these days sucks; and
B. I am very easily entertained.
After that, we went to the fine town of Lynchburg which revolves around the Jack Daniels Distillery. Jack Daniels as far as the eye can see. Oh not the liquor itself as it's a dry county but everything you can stick the JD name on is available including a pool table and bar sets made out of barrels. I bought "Tipsy Cake" which is a cake that is soaked in Jack Daniels AFTER it's baked. That was after we had lunch at this cool BBQ restaurant where I feasted on a pulled pork sandwich. We wandered around in all the stores until 4 pm which is apparently when Lynchburg closes.
We went back to the farm and got hammered on rum and cokes. I vaguely remember sending BiW about 4 emails, the contents of which I do not remember and then we harassed my sister's ex-husband on IM. Surprisingly, I did not wake up with so much as a headache. Not bad for being out of practice. I did, however, hurt my ankle going down the hill to where I was staying because it was dark, I was drunk, and the hill was steep.
Tomorrow: War Trace, Bell Buckle, and the Moon Pie Festival.
On Day 3, we went to my sister's friend's house where I saw the Mecca of dressmaking and spent a good 30 minutes looking through a book on the history of fashion. The book taught me:
A. Our sense of fashion these days sucks; and
B. I am very easily entertained.
After that, we went to the fine town of Lynchburg which revolves around the Jack Daniels Distillery. Jack Daniels as far as the eye can see. Oh not the liquor itself as it's a dry county but everything you can stick the JD name on is available including a pool table and bar sets made out of barrels. I bought "Tipsy Cake" which is a cake that is soaked in Jack Daniels AFTER it's baked. That was after we had lunch at this cool BBQ restaurant where I feasted on a pulled pork sandwich. We wandered around in all the stores until 4 pm which is apparently when Lynchburg closes.
We went back to the farm and got hammered on rum and cokes. I vaguely remember sending BiW about 4 emails, the contents of which I do not remember and then we harassed my sister's ex-husband on IM. Surprisingly, I did not wake up with so much as a headache. Not bad for being out of practice. I did, however, hurt my ankle going down the hill to where I was staying because it was dark, I was drunk, and the hill was steep.
Tomorrow: War Trace, Bell Buckle, and the Moon Pie Festival.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Oh and Before I Forget
My sister bought this CD over the weekend and we thought the song fit (not sure what the hell is up with the disco balls, though):
I'm Baaack....
(Special thanks to my guest blogger, although he must have gotten bored or run out of things to talk about since he ain't posted anything in 4 days....)
This will be a multi-day storyline line since I have a lot to talk about. However, I will tell you the things I learned about Tennessee:
1. Speed limits are merely advisory in nature since absolutely no one follows them.
2. No open container law. That means that anyone in the car can drink liquor so long as the driver isn't. That right there makes TN the best state in the nation.
3. Yes, Virginia, you can buy your fireworks and liquor at the same store.
4. The residents have a fine sense of humor as evidenced by the signs I saw:
a. "Mothers Nursing Supplies: Breast Pump Rental and Sales."
b. "Keith's Butcher Shop." (located on a hill above a cemetery)
c. "Crazy Ed's"
d. "Marriage is an adventure: Like war."
5. Other things I saw:
a. A PT Cruiser with its back window held on by brown packing tape with the wiper still in it's place.
b. A "do-it-yourself" dental kit at Walmart complete with a dental mirror and hook to scrape the plaque off your teeth.
c. The aforementioned fireworks/liquor/souvenir crap store on the Tennessee-Georgia border. Only in the Deep South can you buy explosives and booze at the same place.
d. Apparently the best way to dispose of your beer bottles is by hanging them in a plastic bag on a stop sign.
Oh, let us not forget the Moon Pie Festival in Bell Buckle, TN. It's going to be held on June 21st. I even bought a shirt.
This will be a multi-day storyline line since I have a lot to talk about. However, I will tell you the things I learned about Tennessee:
1. Speed limits are merely advisory in nature since absolutely no one follows them.
2. No open container law. That means that anyone in the car can drink liquor so long as the driver isn't. That right there makes TN the best state in the nation.
3. Yes, Virginia, you can buy your fireworks and liquor at the same store.
4. The residents have a fine sense of humor as evidenced by the signs I saw:
a. "Mothers Nursing Supplies: Breast Pump Rental and Sales."
b. "Keith's Butcher Shop." (located on a hill above a cemetery)
c. "Crazy Ed's"
d. "Marriage is an adventure: Like war."
5. Other things I saw:
a. A PT Cruiser with its back window held on by brown packing tape with the wiper still in it's place.
b. A "do-it-yourself" dental kit at Walmart complete with a dental mirror and hook to scrape the plaque off your teeth.
c. The aforementioned fireworks/liquor/souvenir crap store on the Tennessee-Georgia border. Only in the Deep South can you buy explosives and booze at the same place.
d. Apparently the best way to dispose of your beer bottles is by hanging them in a plastic bag on a stop sign.
Oh, let us not forget the Moon Pie Festival in Bell Buckle, TN. It's going to be held on June 21st. I even bought a shirt.
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