Friday's What the Hamster

I've been so steeped in my little part of the "housing crisis" with those bastards at Citi that I haven't had time to blog. However, I have been pleasantly surprised by all the weirdness going on in the world. Crap that made me say, "What the hamster?"

1. Lack of Ike coverage. You know, my BFF is trapped down in Houston Hell along with millions of others. Galveston is all but gone. Where the hell is the news coverage? Is it because there are no screams of racism and government incompetence like Katrina? THIS, my friends, IS racism because most of the people affected in Galveston and nearby coastal towns are white or Hispanic. I guess they need to whine louder to get attention. Oh that's right, they're too busy trying to get their lives back together.

2. Drunk Driver Tries to Bribe Cop With a Sandwich. I'd expect this from a stoner not from some drunk guy. Anyway, genius was pulled over for having his headlights off and was arrested for DUI. On the way to the police station, genius offered the cop subway sandwiches if he could go home. The cop declined.

3. Man Slashes Friend's Throat Over Shotgun. No, not the weapon. As in who gets to ride shotgun. This is an, "Only in the South," story. Apparently, Bubba wanted to ride shotgun but Cletus said, "Hells no, I got shotgun," so Bubba cut his throat with a boxcutter. Or something like that.

4. 33 Year Old Mom Steals Daughter's Identity to Be Cheerleader. There are just some people who need to get over their childhood. The reason this winner stole her 15 year old daughter's identity and enrolled in high school:

According to the complaint, Brown wanted to get her high school degree and become a cheerleader because she didn't have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she'd missed.

Brown allegedly attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader's locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach's house.

The $134.50 check Brown gave to the cheerleading coach for her uniform bounced, the complaint said.

Daughter lives with Grandma, by the way. Hmmm, if the check hadn't bounced would they have caught on? Maybe if she hadn't had a kid at 18, she could have done all the things she missed. Jeez, loser with a capital, "L."

5. Man Steals 247 Empty Beer Cans to Support Crack Habit. In the South, we cut your throat for the shotgun seat. In Michigan, people steal empty beer cans (worth .10 each) to support their crack addiction. If this is all the North can bring to the table, I think we could take them if we re-played the Civil War.