Citi Sucks

Well the ex is still getting the best of me. C.B. was supposed to call the mortgage company and deal with them per our degree. I sent him an email through his MySpace page asking him the deal. So of course he does the, "They want $x and I don't have it...blah...blah...blah...whine, whine, whine." Being the overly nice and stupid person I am, I offered to call the bank and find out the deal.

So I called Skippy in the "Home No Retention," department at the den of thieves known as Citi Residential (located in sunny Santa Ana, California). Skippy tells me that it was referred to foreclosure on 8/26/08 ( 2 weeks after the divorce) and I didn't know about it (of course). Here's the deal they offered me: I merely need to cough up $3k in two weeks for a "down payment," then pay $3269.99 for the next twelve months (which is $600 more a month than regular).

Now if I could pay $2600/month, I wouldn't be behind. So it goes without saying that I can't pay $600 more. They said I made too much to modify the loan (you know, lower the interest rate or the payment).

Today I called back and got a hold of Leona Helmsley, who isn't dead but working as a customer service rep for Citi. Leona, in that nasally Yankee tone, says, "Well, why can't you afford it? You make plenty of money. Not that that's a bad thing or anything." So I said, "Well, $3k upfront is a little steep."

Leona: "Why can't you come up with $3k in 2 weeks?"
Me: "Because I don't have $3k just lying around."
Leona: "Well why didn't you save your money? I mean, you should have known about it."
Me: "I had no idea it was in foreclosure. All your documents go to him."
Leona: "Didn't you know it wasn't being paid?
Me: "How do I know what he's doing? I haven't spoken to him in 4 months."
Leona: "Well, how did all this happen?
Me: "One day he didn't come home after cleaning out the bank account."
Leona: "I see. Well are you living in the house?
Me: "No."
Leona: "Is he living in the house?"
Me: "No."
Leona: "So the house is empty?"
Me: "Yes."
Leona: "Well are you paying a mortgage elsewhere."
Me: "Rent."
Leona: "Oh. What is it?"
Me: "1550.00."
Leona: "Well that changes all this. Why didn't you tell him yesterday that you were paying rent?"
Me: "He didn't ask."
Leona: "Well I think it would be pretty obvious that you should have told him."

Back and forth for a few more minutes, all the while I'm thinking of asking Leona if she had always been a c*&t or if the job made her one. Finally she declares that I don't even qualify for their extortion program because my debt to income ratio is too high (which it wouldn't be if they'd lower their damn payment). Her final words of wisdom? "You're only option is to sell which isn't likely in this market." Or you could get that stick out of your ass and give me a deal that's realistic.

I hope Citi is the next one to go under.