My Virtual Model

Ever wanted to know what you really look like in that outfit? Ever think, "My ass is two ax-handles wide," yet your significant other and/or your family are too damn polite to tell you? Well thanks to "My Virtual Model," you'll know exactly what you look like. Thanks to a thyroid issue and/or too much alcohol, I've gained a few pounds in the last few months. Here's what I looked like before the weight gain:

and after:

You can add clothes to your virtual self and even buy a garment that matches, if you dare:

No, friends, it ain't pretty. And this picture looks so much like me that it's scary. It is, in fact, an exact replica of what I look like.

This, of course, led me to the another part of the site called, "My Weight Loss Planner." Subtitled: "How to make your fat ass acceptable to you." Obviously, I am now on a diet. I just don't know how I can live on one tablespoon of applesauce.