Rant, Part Deux

I know it's the day before Thanksgiving but I got more to add. First, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Second, here's more of why I'm a mere whisper away from a breakdown:

• Church. The bastadges at my old church are swimming around that other blog like sharks in chum. The sharks include my ex-spouse. I have restricted it to my eyes only. I really dislike those people.
• Job. You know there's only so much I can read on the toxicity of crocidolite asbestos compared to chrysotile without my eyes glazing over like a Krispy Kreme donut.
• Men. WTF? Could you be any harder to please?
• Children. Seriously, this is a test from God to see how long it will take me to completely lose my f*&king mind. The answer: not much longer, I assure you.
• Money. Broke ass broke. However, I do own a penthouse timeshare in the Caymans. I kid you not.

Rant for the Day

I'm under a lot of stress. A LOT. My kids have head lice. I'm broke ass broke thanks to all the unexpected expenditures ( the car, the house, etc.). I've got more bills to pay and no money. My old house hasn't sold. The ex hasn't responded to my myriad of emails about the house ('cause he's too busy styling it in these boots):

He hasn't paid me a damn dime of the $15k he owes me and my babies' daddy won't pay his child support. Seriously, I'm thinking of just quitting everything and running away from home. What's the point in busting my ass day in and day out just so I can be broke. It's not like the government is helping me out. They're too busy bailing out greedy businesses.

Oh and my new house has issues. The deadbolt on the front door is broken, the disposal doesn't work, and I've already had to fix the toilet. Plus the foundation is so jacked up that half the doors won't shut unless you kick them close. Yeah, I'm kinda feeling I got ben-haadied* on this deal too.

(*Ben-haddied. Means been had and comes from a dog we had as a kid named Pedro Ben-Haady. Pedro was the dumbest greyhound in existence. Think "Santa's Little Helper" from The Simpsons. Anway, I guess Dad thought he had a money-maker in the dog but found out he'd been had. So now everytime we feel we've been had, we say we've been "ben-haadied.")

Citi Gets a Handout

Oh look, guess who else is getting corporate welfare. The bastards who hold the note on my house. According to this story, in order to get their welfare check:

Importantly, the agreement calls on Citigroup to take steps to help distressed homeowners.

Specifically, Citigroup will modify mortgages to help people avoid foreclosure along the lines of an FDIC plan that was put into effect at IndyMac Bank, a major failed savings and loan based in Pasadena, Calif.

Under the IndyMac plan, struggling home borrowers pay interest rates of about three percent for five years. Rates are reduced so that borrowers aren't paying more than 38 percent of their pretax income on housing.

Now, I don't know if that's mandatory (I assume it is) but I think it's funny that these assholes who wouldn't deal with me or thousands of others now have to come to the bargaining table. Okay, Citi, let's see what you got to offer.

Things They Should Tell You BEFORE You Become a Parent

Greetings. Those of you who have young children or are contemplating parenthood should know that for some reason, things get left out of the knowledge handed to you from family and doctors when you reproduce. Oh sure, we all know that we're not supposed to shake a baby and to get them their shots and what not. Some of them even tell us how to change a diaper and why breast feeding is better than bottle feeding. However, the advice stops at around age 6. Subsequently, these people do not bother to tell you things you will encounter when your little snowflake hits adolescence. Things like...a shitty attitude and...oh HEAD LICE.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my offspring are infested with bugs which regulates me to the role of a mother primate picking nits off her offspring (no, I don't eat them). Here's what happened. I'm on my way to work this morning when I get a call from the younger offspring. He's crying saying I have to come pick him up. I ask why. After a couple of mumbled responses, he says, "I have lice." So I go get him.

Now, I go to Wal-mart and get the Lice killing kit and proceed to wash his hair and every piece of cloth in the house. I spray bedding and wash pillows. That's all I've done all day. Then I decided I'd better go get his brother and check him. So I go to the school and ask for him then I visit the nurse who offers to check him out. He shows up, wondering what the hell is going on and I tell him his brother has lice. The nurse checks him out and he's got it too. So now he's livid at his brother ('cause he missed turkey at lunch) and won't go near him.

Just for the record, the nurse checked my head and I'm lice-free. I am happy to report that we have come along way in the treatment of lice. I told my sister about my little situation and she said that when they were all in France as children (my 5 sisters and 1 brother at the time), they got lice. The treatment: Powdering their heads with DDT and wrapping them in towels. Of course, she also told me how they used to chase the mosquito spraying truck in California which also sprayed DDT. Aaaah, the days of yesteryear.

Who Elected Obama?

I stole this from Deadman. This should scare the crap out of you:

Yes, I'm Alive

I've actually been working my butt off at work (gasp). Plus I had 24 hours to make a colonial costume for my son for Constitutional Convention Day. No pressure there. Anyway, I've not been following the news all that much since I find it too damn depressing for words. However, I'm finding it hard to feel any sympathy for the oil industry now that oil is $53/barrel. They didn't show us much sympathy when they were raking in record profits and we were rolling pennies for gas.

I'm still pissed off at Citi since they apparently would rather have a house they can't get rid of than to make a deal. Speaking of the house, my ex has plans to move back in with "some guys" if the price is right. Maybe I can be his landlord. Wouldn't that would be fun? However, that all rides on Citi's willingness to renegotiate the loan.

I've been invited to the boyfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. I asked him if I needed a tranquilizer first. He said no but that he did have a hip flask at my disposal that he could fill with Peppermint Schnapps. This is my first meeting with the parents as they live about two hours away.

Oh and I'm on a diet which sucks. I was used to eating whatever I wanted and NEVER gain a pound. Now if I even look at chocolate, there goes another 5 pounds on the ass or stomach. I've never weighed as much as I do now and it bugs the hell out of me.

So that's the latest.

My Virtual Model Part II

Seriously, you can spend hours doing this stuff. Here's a link if anyone wants to try it. My sister and I were doing all sorts of goofy things with it. Goofy things like:


Me with a Fro:

























Me as an eggplant:

And what I look like now that I've had all my hair cut off:

My Virtual Model

Ever wanted to know what you really look like in that outfit? Ever think, "My ass is two ax-handles wide," yet your significant other and/or your family are too damn polite to tell you? Well thanks to "My Virtual Model," you'll know exactly what you look like. Thanks to a thyroid issue and/or too much alcohol, I've gained a few pounds in the last few months. Here's what I looked like before the weight gain:

and after:

You can add clothes to your virtual self and even buy a garment that matches, if you dare:

No, friends, it ain't pretty. And this picture looks so much like me that it's scary. It is, in fact, an exact replica of what I look like.

This, of course, led me to the another part of the site called, "My Weight Loss Planner." Subtitled: "How to make your fat ass acceptable to you." Obviously, I am now on a diet. I just don't know how I can live on one tablespoon of applesauce.

Happy Veteran's Day

Happy Veteran's Day to all our vets, especially those who have been to war. A little background (in case you fell asleep in History class): Veteran's Day used to be called Armistice Day. What is Armistice Day? At the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, Imperial Germany signed an armistice (or cease fire) effectively ending World War I. It was changed to Veteran's Day after World War II. In England, it is known as Remembrance Day. I'm not sure what the Germans, Italians, and Austrians (i.e. "the losers") call it. Probably, "Well, that was a really dumb idea," Day.

So today we celebrate our military and the defeat of Imperial Germany.

Dear Leader Day

Isn't there something inherently wrong about wanting a national holiday for a president-elect?

Plans are being made to promote a national holiday for Barack Obama, who will become the nation's 44th president when he takes the oath of office Jan. 20.

"Yes We Can" planning rallies will be at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. every Tuesday at the downtown McDonald's restaurant, 1100 Kansas Ave., until Jan. 13. The goals are to secure a national holiday in Obama's honor, to organize celebrations around his inauguration and to celebrate the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln, who was born on Feb. 12 1809.

Yes, we now live in the 4th Reich. Especially if Der Fuhrer gets his "national security force." Scoff if you want but even the Jews bought into Hitler's promises before he passed the Nuremberg Laws.

Obama Will Be Ready to Rule on Day 1

King Obama I's spokesperson, Valerie Jarrett, told Tom Brokaw on Meet the Press that,

"given the daunting challenges that we face, it's important that president elect Obama is prepared to really take power and begin to rule day one."

Ahhh, take power and rule. Take power and rule...funny, presidents don't "rule," they govern. However, kings rule. Despots rule. Dictators rule. Remember what happened when we were "ruled" by the British? I smell the faint scent of a coming 2nd American Revolution.

Love Doesn't Stink...It Sucks

What the hell is wrong with men? That's a rhetorical question so don't give me a list. Take, for example, mine. I send him text messages. He doesn't respond. I call and leave a message. He doesn't call back. We make plans. He doesn't show up.

I said yesterday that I thought only one of us was interested in a relationship. He said, "Which one is that." I said, "Me." He said, "Well that is not the case." Then he asked me out to dinner which went okay. Okay, so he says he wants one but he isn't acting like he wants one. For example, we have apparently taken a vow of celibacy.

He used to text me first thing in the morning. Now he doesn't. In fact, as I'm writing this, I still haven't heard from him today. We used to have lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now we don't. We used to fool around all the time. In fact, I couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, I have to beg for a kiss.

Seriously. WTF? Is it me?

My Kids Got Arrested While I Was At a Gun Show

The love of my life and I went to the world's biggest gun show today (I kid you not). He bought a bayonet. There was a mass of humanity there the likes of which I've not seen before, even at a concert. Plenty of signs marking, "Obama Specials" were had but obviously they marked up the goods to get the most before Obama scraps the 2nd Amendment. Anyhoo, he and I are now official members of the NRA. I'm thinking of putting the sticker on the back of the Jag. How's that for a statement.

Prior to us going to said gun show, I dropped my kids off at the old neighborhood to play with friends. I thought it was no big thing. The older one called me a little after 2pm to ask when I would be there. I said I was on my way and he said they were in the backyard of said friend's house. 10 minutes later I get a call from Officer Trudy Weigel. She called to inform me that they had my sons because they decided to break into our old house and that because I still own said house, they would not be charged. Well, technically it ain't breaking and entering either. However, I wasn't going to argue with her.

We beat feet over to the old house where we saw TWO police cars in front of the house. TWO for a 14 and 12 year old who only weigh 90 pounds each (if that). The older one was sitting on the porch in PINK HANDCUFFS while his younger brother stood by. Now, really. Was this necessary? Granted they're in a sh*tload of trouble but still. Apparently, the idiot City Manager who lives across the street called the cops. He can bite my ass along with everyone else in that neighborhood. It doesn't excuse the two freakin' rocket scientists I have for offspring (especially since I told them DO NOT GO INTO THE OLD HOUSE).

So that was my Saturday.

The Fairness Doctrine

Okay, okay, I said no more politics and I meant it. At least the really depressing, "the world is going to end," stuff. However, I can still poke fun.

One of the things the Left is trying to push into law is, "The Fairness Doctrine." Tired of getting their butts kicked on talk radio, the Left has decided that the best way to beat Conservative radio is to kill it by forcing stations to air equal time to leftist propaganda...er...I mean, radio. So in my attempt to fit into the New Regime, I will now devote the rest of this post to Leftist...uh...Progressive ideas.

(ahem...)

Now that Obama has been elected (or selected as those Neo-Cons claim), we can now do our best to right social wrongs and protect Gaia from our selfish behavior. We intend to make sure that: all homes have free wireless Internet; same sex marriages are approved across the country; and the cult known as Christianity is eradicated.

Our primary mission is to help the poor. The poor are poor because they have had no one to help them their entire lives. Because of McChimpy Bush, Darth Cheney, and the Neo-cons, the poor have been repressed into lives of misery. Thanks to our election, they can now attend colleges and trade schools that were formerly closed to them without regard to SAT and ACT scores or high school diploma. What difference do test scores and grades make so long as they try?

Regarding our dear Mother Earth, it should be decreed that everyone must drive a hybrid car; such luxuries as daily showers and teeth brushing should be banned as wasting Gaia's most treasured resource, water. In addition, we propose a new cabinet level office, the Department of Gaia, headed by His Excellency, Al Gore. The Department of Gaia would be responsible for promoting such Earth-friendly policies as eco-homes that do not have running water, electricity, or natural gas; and the banning toilet paper, plastic bags, paper bags, rubber, coal, and anything else that makes nature icky. It's time for us to go way back when our forefathers lived in caves and were chased by flying dinosaurs. It was a more difficult time but at least everyone was chased equally without regard to race, gender, or sexual orientation.

Thank you,

Lis B.
Social Programs Consultant
Obama/Biden Campaign

The Election and Everything After

We lost. It's time to move on. I'm on hiatus from all things political for awhile.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Lewis Carroll

Honestly, I'm worn out. I'm worn out from the election, my job, my health and just this entire year. So the time has come to talk of many things. The holidays are approaching and I refuse to spend another holiday season in misery. I did schedule a day off the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as well as Christmas week. The boss will have to get over it. I want to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas for a change. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from today and Christmas is like 43 days away.

I suggest my friends and family do likewise. Life is too short to dwell on crap you can't change. And if it's something you CAN change, then change it. No point in being miserable for the rest of your life.

How My State Voted

The only state in the country where there was no blue.

Obama's First Pick

Obama has selected Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff. Who is Rahm Emanuel? He's currently a Democratic Congressman from Illinois. Like Frank Nitti under Al Capone, he rose to fame as Clinton's enforcer. Here's a sampling of the what this man is made of:

For years, Emanuel was the political brains of Bill Clinton's White House. Intense to the point of ferocity, he was known for taking on the most daunting tasks -- the ones no one else wanted -- and pulling off the seemingly impossible, from banning assault weapons to beating back the Republican-led impeachment. "Clinton loved Rahm," recalls one staffer, "because he knew that if he asked Rahm to do something, he would move Heaven and Earth -- not necessarily in that order -- to get it done."

Friends and enemies agree that the key to Emanuel's success is his legendary intensity. There's the story about the time he sent a rotting fish to a pollster who had angered him. There's the story about how his right middle finger was blown off by a Syrian tank when he was in the Israeli army. And there's the story of how, the night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting "Dead! . . . Dead! . . . Dead!" and plunging the knife into the table after every name. "When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape," one campaign veteran recalls. "It was like something out of The Godfather. But that's Rahm for you."

Of the three stories, only the second is a myth -- Emanuel lost the finger to a meat slicer as a teenager and never served in the Israeli army. But it's a measure of his considerable reputation as the enforcer in Clinton's White House that so many people believe it to be true. You don't earn the nickname "Rahmbo" being timid.

Emanuel got his political education working as a fund-raiser for Mayor Richard Daley's re-election campaign in Chicago, where he learned how to twist arms and knock heads. Donors were used to giving $5,000 -- but Daley needed more. "Rahm took it up a notch," Daley's brother William recalled several years ago. "He told many of them they easily had the ability to give twenty-five grand." When contributors didn't pony up, Emanuel would tell them he was embarrassed that they'd offered so little and hang up on them. The shocked donor would usually call back and sheepishly comply. In thirteen weeks, the thirty-year-old raised $7 million -- an unprecedented sum at the time. His fund-raising skills eventually earned him a job in the Clinton campaign.

Unlike past DCCC chairmen, who simply dispersed money without demanding anything in return, Emanuel approaches the job with the sensibility of a Mob bookie. He forces candidates in the most competitive races who receive money to sign what he calls a "Memo of Understanding," delineating exactly how many fund-raising phone calls and appearances they will make in exchange for the committee's support. To seal the pact, Emanuel then signs the memo himself. "I want to make sure everybody is doing everything they're supposed to be doing," he says.

For their part, bloggers and grass-roots activists support Emanuel in no small part because they hope his combativeness will rub off on his more timid colleagues. "He understands the importance of having a good relationship with Net roots," says Markos Moulitsas, who runs the influential blog Daily Kos. "If nothing else, he knows that we exist and it's not as confrontational a relationship as we had with past DCCC regimes." Nor is Moulitsas put off by Emanuel's centrist politics. "We don't give a shit," he says. "I think there's growing understanding that we can't sit and fixate on who's a moderate and who's a liberal when we're in the minority. We can worry about that when we're in the majority."

That's a view Emanuel wholeheartedly shares. "We get into this stupid argument every four years: centrists vs. leftists," he says. "That is not the argument today. It is change vs. status quo.

Scared, yet?

What Happened?

The country elected a Socialist as president last night. When the country goes to pot (and it will), don't look at me. I voted for McCain. So why did McCain lose? Here is my assessment:

1. McCain was a bad choice. With all due respect to Senator McCain, he has the personality of dish rag. We needed someone with charisma. Someone like Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani or Fred Thompson. Instead we picked McCain because people felt sorry for him for losing to Bush in 2000 and it cost us.
2. Media bias. It's hard to compete when ALL the media favors a candidate to the point where they conceal and lie for him.
3. No clearly defined message. While Obama promised "Hope" and "Change," McCain/Palin never latched on to a catch phrase or a plan that made them different from Bush/Cheney.
4. Voter fraud. I have no doubt that a lot of dead people and convicted felons were allowed to vote along with Mickey Mouse, Pluto and the Dallas Cowboys. Let's face it: this election was stolen from the get go.
5. Obama's questionable finances. Along with voter fraud, Obama suddenly had $600 million from unknown sources. Makes you wonder which enemy countries threw money into his campaign. So Obama bought and stole the election.

There you have it. Why the GOP lost. It's going to be a long four years. However, I live in a solid red state and they'll take our guns from our cold dead hands. All of you on the coasts are welcomed to saddle on up and ride this way. We'd love to have you.

Here's to 4 Years of Hell

Election Day 2008

Well, it's here. For some reason this song popped into my head:




Anyway, don't forget to vote.

24 Hours To Go or My Election Rant

Dear Fellow Americans:

We have 24 hours until we find out whether or not the American people are as naive and stupid as I think they are. Yeah, I said it. We live in a country full of co-dependent wussies who expect someone else to take care of them. Thanks to the Baby Boom generation and their sense of entitlement, we are posed to elect an unqualified Socialist as president. Why? Because the American people are lazy and apathetic. They think that they "deserve," free health care; they "deserve" money from the "rich" because they weren't ambitious enough to get off the couch; they "deserve," someone to pick up the pieces when they make a bad decision.

This country wasn't founded on the idea that the government will take care of you. It was founded on the idea that every person should have the opportunity to succeed regardless of social status or religious background. People came to America to fulfill their dreams of prosperity, not because they thought Uncle Sam would take care of them. People are still trying to get into this country for one reason. They know here they will have a chance to succeed.

However, we are now poised to elect someone who is against those ideals. Someone who doesn't encourage independence but dependence on government handouts. Obama isn't what this country was founded on and his election means we will turn our backs on our heritage.

Many of you will be voting for him solely because of his race. You believe that electing a black man to the presidency will somehow absolve your white guilt. I feel no white guilt. I had nothing to do with slavery or Jim Crow. We fought a war in which a half million Americans died to set slaves free. We passed Civil Rights legislation in the 1960s to level the playing field. Our debt has been paid. If this is the reason for your vote, shame on you. You aren't looking at Obama has a man but as a BLACK man. That makes you a racist. Period.

Tomorrow I will be voting for McCain/Palin. Not because I agree with everything they say or believe in. I find people who expect candidates to be EXACTLY like them to be naive. I don't like Sarah Palin's view on birth control. I don't like John McCain's, "Can't we all just get along," shtick. However, I think these two are the safer choice. I know that has CIC, John McCain will protect my boyfriend. I can't say the same about Obama. Except as a brief stint as Senator, Obama has never served this country. McCain has and has suffered for America. He knows what it's like to be at war. Obama does not.

Should Obama win, the American people will get exactly what they want and it will ruin this great country. Guilt is no reason to elect someone to the most powerful position on Earth. Neither is fear or anger. Vote your common sense.

MCCAIN/PALIN