Friday's What the Hamster?

Well other than Chicago corruption, an auto bailout and finding bones that may belong to Caylee Anthony, it's been a slow news week. Speaking of which:

1. For Sale: 1 Senate Seat, Slightly Used. Corruption in Chicago? Say it ain't so, Joe. Corruption is to Chicago is like clam chowder is to Boston. The Illinois governor and his trailer park wife decided to make some cash off of the seat formerly held by Barack Obama. Unfortunately, he was being monitored by the feds. Makes you wonder how Obama got that seat to begin with.

2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime, Part II. Since the government has bailed everyone else, the big 3 automakers decided to ask for their share. The House said, "Sure, get in line." The Senate said, "Go screw yourself." Ever get the idea that the Senate is the older, smarter big brother while the House is the slightly retarded younger brother?

3. Dem Bones. Unfortunately for uber-mom of the year candidate, Casey Anthony, it would appear she did not do a good enough job hiding the body of her 2 year old daughter. A meter reader stumbled upon the skeletal remains of a small child in a plastic bag not too far from her parents house. DNA results are pending but that would be like one in a million coincidence. What kind of sick bitch stuffs her baby into a plastic bag and just dumps her in the woods?

4. OU is going to the Big Game. I can't go 'cause tickets are $580 each. EACH. What the hamster? That's more than my car payment.

5. Creepy Story of the Week. What is up with Asians and robot girlfriends? I'm sorry but that's just damn bizarre. Some software engineer who is 33 and still lives with his parents built himself a girl robot. Here are some disturbing excerpts:

Aiko is still a virgin, AND NO I do not sleep with her," he writes on the Project Aiko Web site, though he admits that she "has sensors in her body including her private parts, and yes even down there."

Uh, okay.

Craigs List

I discovered Craigs List through my significant other. No, we didn't meet there. He goes there to look at furniture and other crap for sale. I go there for that, real estate, and the rant and rave section. The rant and rave section is where I have discovered that people are basically retarded. At least here. Seriously, here's the link:

http://tulsa.craigslist.org/rnr/


Apparently, people have no idea what punctuation is or how to spell. "Their" is 3rd person possessive plural while "there" is an adverb/pronoun/noun/adjective and "they're" is the contraction for "they are." So the sentence, "There a bunch of idiots over their," should be, "They're a bunch of idiots over there."

Oh and go to the "collectibles" section. That old phrase, "One man's junk is another man's treasure," applies there. For example, you can find the following items for sale:

• Harley Davidson cordless phone ($50)
• M & M Dispenser motorcycle ($25)
• Harley Davidson drive-in speaker set ($300)
• KISS Trivia game ($25)
• 1950's Kenmore hairdryer ($100)
• 1978 Orange Bowl tickets (make offer)
• Yoda hand puppet ($35)

Pretty much any old piece of crap you want to buy is available. There are also the hard luck stories of people with no money and whatnot. Of course, some of them are scams and some of them are just plain irritating. However, a few are kind of pathetic. So if you have some spare time, check out your local Craigs List. It makes you feel a whole lot better about your own life.

Mindless Quiz

Stolen from Deadman.

Your Spiritual Number is Five

You bring adventure and change to people's lives. You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow. Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy. If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project. You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver. Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way.

What's Your Spiritual Number?

Okay, I can go with that.

Friday's What the Hamster.

Yes, yes, it's been awhile. Anyway, it's been a slow news week. Here's some of the more "interesting" stories of the last week.

1. Seem Like a Good Idea at the Time...A would-be-bride was swept to sea in Oregon after her boyfriend decided to take her to a rock to propose. I guess a simple, "Will you marry me?" over dinner was too boring.

2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime? Obama supporters are paying the price for the election of their idol. They are now being asked to pick up the $7.5 million tab of Hilary Clinton's failed presidential campaign before her confirmation hearings begin. They're even having a "debt retirement party," hosted by that chick from Ugly Betty. Why doesn't she just ask Congress for a bailout?

3. Discrimination in the Salvation Army. I did not know that if you're an "officer" in the Salvation Army, you can only marry another officer. Apparently that is the case as Capt. Johnny Harsh (not making that up) is being tossed out of the service because he intends to marry a non-SA member. Jeez, talk about some hardasses.

4. Achmed the Lego Terrorist. Showing that people can find insult in anything, Muslims and some non-Muslims (aka "idiots") are upset over a Lego ripoff character called the White Bandit who comes compete with a bomb-belt. Tacky? Yes. Enough to spark riots in the streets? Probably. I wonder if the maker plans on a Burka Betty figure to go along with Bandit. Oh and the quote of the day comes from the spokesman for the Ramadhan Foundation, who said it is, "glorifying terrorism." Yeah, that's it. It's the TOY'S fault.

5. Dems to Obama: Step Up. Forgetting that he isn't president yet, some Democrats think that President-elect Obama needs to just take power now and get it over with. Barney Frank, Dirtbag from MA, says, "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time," Frank said. "I'm afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have. He's got to remedy that situation." Nice insult, douchebag, considering your boyfriend help create the crisis.

Frank also scoffed at the idea that they can work with the GOP after Obama is anointed. "Having lived with this very right wing Republican group that runs the House most of the time, the notion of trying to deal with them as if we could be post-partisan gives me post-partisan depression." Hahahaha. What a card.

"The Obama team has to step up," Sen. Christopher Dodd, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee and one of the lead negotiators, said Nov. 21 in Hartford, Conn. "In the minds of the people, this is the Obama administration. I don't think we can wait until January 20."

I'm sorry, Chris, but this is not the Obama Administration regardless of what the half-educated moonbats who elected him think. Obama is not the President and will not be the President until January 20. Period. End of story.

So we have a party that simply wants to seize power using the economic crisis as an excuse....now where have I seen that before....

Map Quest

I got the wrong maps. Yes, it's true. My boss told me that this morning. "I thought we understood," he said. What WE understood was that he wanted coastline of the state of Louisiana and not the goddamn Gulf of Mexico. "I'll go by there myself," said he in a huff. Good. Maybe they are better at mind reading. You could see him twitching in that camel hair overcoat of his as he stalked out the door.

This happened about 11-ish which is roughly two hours after I arrived to discover my office was the temperature of Nome, Alaska. One of the male attorneys very kindly turned my little space heater on which was like using a space heater to warm a Sam's (or Costco). So I'm sitting at my desk, hunched over in my wool coat like Bob Cratchit when I'm summoned into the conference room and informed of my error.

About 4-ish, Bossman calls me to tell me he's at the map place and they are getting him what he wants and oh, can I get in the car and drive half way across town to bring back the shitty maps I bought? "Sure, thing, Boss," I said. So I hop in my little car (with no gas) and drive to the crap-ass side of town to bring the maps back.

While I'm there, Bossman calls the map place to talk to me.

"Ask her if they have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah or a blah blah blah then call me back and let me know."

So I ask the lady, "Do you have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, or blah, blah."

"No," she said. "We just sell maps."

So I call the Bossman and tell him that. Then he says, "Ask her if we know where we can get one." By then, she's gone back up stairs to her office so I gotta call her from the waiting room phone.

"Boss wants to know if you know where to get one," I said.

"No," she said. "Try Google."

I then went back to my office, got my crap, and went home. Oh yes, I earn my keep. He just doesn't realize it.

My Boss is a Dillweed, II

So Tuesday, the Bossman tells me I gotta go to this publishing company to get five maps. Not just any maps. Coastal maps of Louisiana. Really, really big maps. Okay, no problem. I go and order the maps (they are shipped out of Houston) at $395/each.

Yesterday morning, Bossman sends me an email: "How much were the maps?"
Me: "$395/each."
Him: "Wow! I wish you had run that by me first."

Then I get a call from him. "You should have called me first. You need to think. It will be difficult for me to recover those costs."

Of course, I had thought that he wanted the maps (for trial exhibits) at ALL COSTS. Not once did he say, "Find out how much they are. If they're more than $____, only get one." So after the phone call, I shoot him back the following email, "Sorry. I thought you wanted the maps regardless of cost. In future I will clarify." Then he calls me back and says we can allocate each map to a different case.

(Keep in mind, I'm an hourly employee which means this crap ain't billable.)

Late yesterday, I get another email from him: "Need sears case."

I put "Sears" into Westlaw and come up with 1100 cases.

I write him back, "What's the other party's name."
Him: "Don't know. Has to do with a hammer."

Okay, so now I have, "Sears," and "hammer." That drops me down to 30 cases. Finally, he tells me it has to do with a manufacturer and a retailer. By that time, it's after 5 and I'm done with him, Sears, and hammers.

I really need a new job.

My Boss is a Dillweed

I've been demoted. Oh I'm still an attorney. However, the bossman doesn't think I'm doing enough to earn $120,000/year (read: I'm not providing him BJs) so I've been reduced to an hourly employee. Now I'll be earning $60/hour (and being billed at $150/hour) and will only be paid on the actual hours I bill. And apparently, I'm also the only one who gets two weeks vacation per year.

Oh never mind that I'm the token single parent and have a chronic illness that has to be managed (gee, no labor law violations there). Of course, that just makes me more inclined to surf Craigs List and Ebay. I could job hunt but who's going to hire a 40+ female lawyer who is a single parent and has a chronic illness? Yes, even the legal profession engages in discriminatory hiring.