Merely This and Nothing More

I Miss This Blog

2010-04-29T15:53:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been nearly a year since I posted anything here. I think I need to dust this puppy off and fire her back up.

Short Rock Stars

2009-05-23T12:20:00.002-05:00

Rock stars always look like they're really tall. Apparently, they aren't. I always thought Bono was kinda hot until I saw he was only 5' 7 1/2." Prince, of course, is notoriously short and he apparently only dates women shorter than him. Here's a list of other rock stars and their height:

Prince: 5'2"

John Mellencamp: 5'7"

Angus Young: 5'2"

Roger Daltry: 5'7"

Paul Simon: 5'3"

I mean, some of these guys I could use their heads to set my beer on. I'm 5' 5 1/2" with no shoes on. My lowest heels are two inches which puts me at Bono's height.

Where I've Been

2009-05-17T13:11:00.001-05:00

I have a new blog. Ok, it's my old blog at a new site. You can come check it out at:

http://thepraiseoffolly.wordpress.com/

Hence why I have not been posting much here.

Obama Says Life is Good

2009-05-07T09:45:00.000-05:00

Bernake Discusses the Economy

2009-05-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

Broke-A$$ Broke

2009-05-05T12:00:00.002-05:00

I am broke. Busted. Out of money. My ex-husband owes me a bundle of money. He can either pay it or I take him back to court. I hate being broke. I am way too much of the pampered pooch to be broke.

I'm too broke to afford booze. That's just sad. So I think we need to start a "Feed the Folly," fund.

Cheesy 80's Video of the Day

2009-05-03T19:14:00.002-05:00

I love the Pointer Sisters and this song. The video:

Still better than the crap out today. The boxer is 1984 gold medal winner Mark Breland.

Stuff I Don't Care About

2009-05-02T15:52:00.002-05:00

Here's a list of current events I don't care about and can't figure out why it's taken up so much of the media's attention:

1. Swine Flu. What a freakin' non-event. 300 cases WORLDWIDE. Where's the pandemic?

2. Obama. Geez, I've never seen so many people line up to give a dude a blow job in my life. The guy is the biggest fraud since this guy.

3. Arlen Specter. For some reason, I keep calling him Phil. The asshole was never a real Republican anyway.

4. Death of Newspapers. Freakin' John Kerry wants "hearings" to save the newspaper. Why? It's mostly good for bathroom reading these days. Maybe if the NY Slime, et al would stop being political propaganda and more neutral, people would read them instead of lining the cat box with them.

5. Joe Biden. We all know he's a moron. Why do we need a, "Joe's Screw up of the Day," headline?

Friday's Fun Song

2009-05-01T19:59:00.001-05:00

The Government Reassures the Nation

2009-05-01T08:52:00.001-05:00

A Recap of Obama's Speech

2009-04-30T17:54:00.001-05:00

In song:

Obama: "I'm Great and the GOP Sucks"

2009-04-30T09:37:00.003-05:00

No, I didn't watch the Obama love fest last night. I had better things to do. However, I did read this story from the Washington Times. Here is the Gospel according to Obama:

1. The GOP is a do-nothing party.
2. Bush is a torturer.
3. The GOP sucks.
4. I am the greatest human to ever walk this planet.
5. The recession and deficit is the GOP's fault.
6. Aren't I funny when I banter about war with my sycophant press corps?
7. I'm "remaking" America.

Okay, now here's what I have to say: Screw you, Obama. SCREW YOU. Here's my view on your first 100 days:

1. 2 million jobs were lost during your first 100 days of office.
2. YOU pushed for a 700 trillion dollar budget.
3. Terrorists deserved to be tortured if it will keep us from losing another 3000 people. They aren't your Uncle Bob or Aunty Fanny. These are people who live to kill others.
4. The Air Force One photo op is the most retarded piece of crap to ever come out of the White House and that includes Clinton getting blown.
5. Your stupid-ass mortgage assistance program doesn't really help anyone because the banks aren't doing it.
6. It takes a real class act to constantly blame the previous administration for your screw ups.
7. The economy sucks. IT IS NOT GETTING BETTER, you idiot.
8. You've shaken hands and kissed the asses of every tin pot dictator on the planet so now everyone, including our enemies, thinks we are weak. Ripe for another attack because they know you won't fight back.

So in a nutshell, you are a disgrace to the office. Because of you and the idiot media that slobbers all over your genitals like a $2 hooker, I'm ashamed to be an American.

What's Hot and Not Hot

2009-04-28T17:56:00.003-05:00

Pay attention, please:

Hot:

Not hot:

Are we clear?

WTF?

2009-04-27T15:57:00.002-05:00

Seriously? How is it that the "media" insists all is well with the economy when me and just about everyone I know is facing homeless due to lack of employment? Are there that many delusional people out there? Is that idiot in the White House so sacred that no one will call bullshit on him? He's a snake oil salesman. A charlatan. A huckster. Yet no one will call him on the carpet.

Where the hell is my hand out, Barry? You throw money at GM, AIG, and the rest like Time Square hookers but the rest of us are getting bent over. There are no jobs. Let me repeat that: THERE ARE NO F*&KING JOBS, Barry. I went to my alma mater's job bulletin board today. It was blank. No jobs posted since March 3.

I have no steady income, no insurance, and two kids plus a menagerie of animals to support. What the hell are people like me supposed to do?

New National Anthem

2009-04-24T09:06:00.001-05:00

The Obama Administration has decided that our current national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner," does not accurately reflect his "Hope and Change" theme. Introducing the new national anthem:

A Song For Abbadon

2009-04-23T19:26:00.000-05:00

Poor guy wonders what the hell is up with my taste in music. Here's another one for you:

Another Fun Song

2009-04-22T17:30:00.002-05:00

Showing just how diverse my musical taste is, I love this song. Watch carefully and you'll see Paula Abdul, Sinbad, and Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall. And watch the whole damn video.

GM to Close Plants for Up to 9 Weeks

2009-04-22T17:12:00.003-05:00

Two people briefed on the plan say General Motors Corp. will close most of its U.S. factories for up to nine weeks this summer because of slumping sales and growing inventories of unsold vehicles. Source.

Remember back in January when the asshole at Bob Douchebag Chevrolet wouldn't sell me a car unless I ponied up at least $3k in cash and paid $600/month for a Trailblazer? HAHAHAHAHA. I hope he loses his job. Try actually wanting to make deals instead of thinking this is still 5 years ago when YOU could dictate whatever terms you wanted to potential customers. I don't feel any sympathy for the auto industry at this point for overpaying their workers to make crap-ass cars that are overpriced BECAUSE of their overpaid workers.

New Fun Song

2009-04-20T18:38:00.001-05:00

Someone...cough, cough...complained about the Spice Girls on Friday so I'm offering this up as a replacement:

Dedicated to the Ex-Boyfriend

2009-04-18T19:40:00.003-05:00

So it's official. I'm back on the market. Or at least I'm not dating anyone. I don't know what the hell his problem is but it reminds me of this song.

And while we're on Pink, maybe I think of this song is one I need to keep in mind.

Fun Song Friday

2009-04-17T18:31:00.002-05:00

Since everyday is now WTF? I've decided to put a more positive spin on things. Today's fun song is by the girl group that we all love to hate, the Spice Girls:

Janeane Garafolo

2009-04-17T09:27:00.003-05:00

I went to high school with this chick. James E. Taylor Senior High School in Katy, Texas. Her dad was a VP at Exxon. Everyone whose dad was in the oil industry back then was a freakin' bitch or asshole. Oil industry kids made my life miserable because I was one of the poor kids. I was harassed and picked on left and right by those people solely because my dad wasn't some oil industry bigshot.

She knows as much about poverty and the common man as my dog. She's a freakin' hypocrite.

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Schoolhouse Rock

2009-04-16T14:16:00.002-05:00

What I Want

2009-04-14T08:25:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T09:37:00.002-05:00

Fun Facts about Folly

2009-04-11T15:56:00.002-05:00

Yeah, it's getting desperate when we go here. Anyway, I posted a comment at another site about me that many people do not know: I have social anxiety. Yep. I hate crowds, public speaking, and most courtrooms. Here's some other fun facts you may not know:

1. Unlike the majority of residents of my state, I have no Indian blood. That I know of. My family was pretty game about climbing onto anything with a crotch but for some reason, Native Americans aren't part of the family tree.

2. My dad was a minor league baseball pitcher. He was called up the majors but happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. His buddy decided to commit armed robbery. The buddy went to jail and Dad got sent back down. Personally, I'd beaten the buddy's ass.

3. I have been married as many times as Terry Bradshaw although not TO Terry Bradshaw. However, if he reads blogs, I'm available. I'll even sign a pre-nup.

4. I've never done illegal narcotics. Nope. The one thing my dad WOULD have killed me for.

5. As a kid, I once lived in the projects in Tampa.

6. I have 5 cats. I'm well on my way to becoming the crazy cat lady.

7. My vision is 20/220 in one eye and 20/240 in the other.

8. I am an alumna of the University of Oklahoma. Other OU students/alumni include: James Garner, Ed Harris, Van Heflin, Dennis Weaver, Rance Howard (Ron's dad), Alice Ghostly and Vince Gill.

9. Since I do live in Oklahoma, here's a list of famous people from this state: Gene Autry, Johnny Bench, Mickey Mantle, Anita Bryant, Lon Chaney, Jr. , Chuck Norris, Ron Howard, Jean Kirkpatrick, Dr. Phil, Brad Pitt, Ted Shackelford (his brother is a local vet here), BJ Thomas, and Tony Hillerman. Here's the complete list.

10. I hate martinis.

Good Friday

2009-04-10T08:27:00.002-05:00

The Pirate Problem

2009-04-09T17:25:00.002-05:00

Why are we negotiating with them? There's only one way to handle pirates:

Our New Theme Song

2009-04-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

Who Has Influenced this Country?

2009-04-08T09:18:00.002-05:00

"And we will convey our deep appreciation for the Islamic faith, which has done so much over so many centuries to shape the world for the better -- including my own country."

Barack Obama's address to the Turkish Parliament, April 6, 2009

Hmmmm, except for killing 3,000 of our people in one day, I'm not sure what exactly the Muslims have done to shape our world for the better. In fact, the Christian faith is what has shaped this country as evidenced by these quotes:

The moment the idea is admitted into society that property is not as sacred as the laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence. If 'Thou shalt not covet' and 'Thou shalt not steal' were not commandments of Heaven, they must be made inviolable precepts in every society before it can be civilized or made free.

John Adams, A Defense of the American Constitutions, 1787

If men through fear, fraud or mistake, should in terms renounce and give up any essential natural right, the eternal law of reason and the great end of society, would absolutely vacate such renunciation; the right to freedom being the gift of God Almighty, it is not in the power of Man to alienate this gift, and voluntarily become a slave.

John Adams, Rights of the Colonists, 1772

Our unalterable resolution would be to be free. They have attempted to subdue us by force, but God be praised! in vain. Their arts may be more dangerous then their arms. Let us then renounce all treaty with them upon any score but that of total separation, and under God trust our cause to our swords.

Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, April 16, 1776

"Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Beside, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of Nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us."

Patrick Henry

Nevertheless, to the persecution and tyranny of his cruel ministry we will not tamely submit -- appealing to Heaven for the justice of our cause, we determine to die or be free ....

Joseph Warren, American account of the Battle of Lexington, 1775

"Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the event which is in the hands of God."

George Washington, Constitutional Convention, 1787

With hearts fortified with these animating reflections, we most solemnly, before God and the world, declare, that, exerting the utmost energy of those powers, which our beneficent Creator hath graciously bestowed upon us, the arms we have compelled by our enemies to assume, we will, in defiance of every hazard, with unabating firmness and perseverance employ for the preservation of our liberties; being with one mind resolved to die freemen rather than to live as slaves.

John Dickinson and Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of the Cause and Necessity of Taking up Arms, July 6, 1775

The God they refer to is the Judeo-Christian God, not the Muslim god, the Hindu god, or whatever. The majority of these people were Anglican, Methodist, Quaker, and whatnot.

People Suck

2009-04-07T18:31:00.003-05:00

I've had a crap ass day. You think the people at Sprint would sent me an Idiot-gram telling me, "Hey, moron, pay your bill before we cut you off." No. They just did it without letting me know. So I had to deal with that drama this morning. Then I find out my insurance has been terminated so no more Remicade treatments for me unless I can get on some poverty plan.

I get a copy of a local magazine and see the ex-pub in a half page ad which leads me to wonder where he got the money. He still hopes I'll drop the contempt charge and I still hope he falls of the planet.

I'm back in my old house with mixed feelings. I like being back here but it does remind me of the idiot. Plus I keep wondering when they're going to knock on my door and tell me to get the hell out. Add to that my kids being across the street inside the local drug den after I told them not go over there.

And I'm stressing like hell over money. So that leads me to wonder this: Where the hell is MY bailout, Barry? Where the hell is MY stimulus package?

That all reminds of me of this song:

A Long Long Time Ago in a Country Far, Far Away

2009-04-05T10:17:00.002-05:00

Some 233 years ago, a group of malcontents decided they had had enough of an oppressive government. A government that taxed them to death. A government that ignored their needs and requests. Here are a list of quotes from these malcontents which I think are relevant today.

"A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy. While the people are virtuous they cannot be subdued; but when once they lose their virtue then will be ready to surrender their liberties to the first external or internal invader."
Samuel Adams, 1779

No people will tamely surrender their Liberties, nor can any be easily subdued, when knowledge is diffusd and Virtue is preservd. On the Contrary, when People are universally ignorant, and debauchd in their Manners, they will sink under their own weight without the Aid of foreign Invaders.
Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, 1775

But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty once lost is lost forever.
John Adams, letter to Abigail Adams, 1775

Government is instituted for the common good; for the protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness of the people; and not for profit, honor, or private interest of any one man, family, or class of men; therefore, the people alone have an incontestable, unalienable, and indefeasible right to institute government; and to reform, alter, or totally change the same, when their protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness require it.
John Adams, Thoughts on Government, 1776

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale, before being hanged by the British, September 22, 1776

"There, I guess King George will be able to read that."
John Hancock, Remark, July 4, 1776

"If this be treason, make the most of it."
Patrick Henry, n.d.

Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
Patrick Henry, speech in the Virginia Convention, 1775

"They tell us Sir, that we are weak -- unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs, and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak, if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature has placed in our power."
Patrick Henry

What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.
Thomas Jefferson, letter to William Stephens Smith, 1787

Your love of liberty -- your respect for the laws -- your habits of industry -- and your practice of the moral and religious obligations, are the strongest claims to national and individual happiness.
George Washington, letter to the Residents of Boston, October 27, 1789

A Piece of Advice for the President

2009-04-04T09:15:00.004-05:00

As everyone has heard, the Obamas are in Europe. While visiting Queen Elizabeth II, our prez gave her a pink Ipod with show tunes and a couple of his speeches. His wife then made the mistake of touching the Queen without her permission. Twice.

Who is advising these two on protocol? Borat? A freakin' Ipod for the Queen of England? Here's a letter I'd like to send to him:

Dear Mr. President:

I'm taking the time to advise you on a few protocol matters even though I didn't vote for you. I don't personally care for you but if you are going to represent Americans, I feel it's my duty to clue you in on what not to do.

1. We are Americans. We are unique. We like Ipods and movies. The rest of the world, not so much. If you chose to give a gift to a foreign head of state, make it something classy. As my friend Abaddon said, a lovely custom silver tea service with the House of Windsor crest and Presidential seal would have been a lovely and tasteful gift to the Queen. Think of decorative things like vases or historical items that represent America. By the way, handing back that bust of Churchill we were given was a slap in the face to the British. Just sayin'

2. Touching. Look, learn the customs of the people you are visiting. NO ONE touches the Queen or any other member of the Royal Family without their permission. You don't even speak to one of them until they address you first. Oh sure, our media tried to claim that Michelle "charmed the Queen out of protocol," but that's crap. The Queen just didn't want a scene. Anyway, I'm sure there is a book or something you can read about all this.

3. Learn how to speak. You may have legions of adoring fans in the US media who hang on to every stuttering word that comes out of your mouth. However, the same cannot be said outside the US so when someone from a foreign newspaper, say like the Guardian, asks you a question, don't stutter your way through it. It makes you look like an idiot and embarrasses the rest of us.

Look, we're stuck with you until 2012. All I'm saying is that you're embarrassing us more overseas than GWB ever did. You're not in Chicago anymore so learn how to act.

Folly

The Deadly Sins

2009-04-03T09:31:00.001-05:00

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Greed: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Envy: 0%

Pride: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You'll die of a yet to be discovered STD.

How Sinful Are You?

She Don't Like Cocaine

2009-03-30T21:24:00.001-05:00

Or does she? Apparently there is a video of VP Biden's daughter, Ashley, snorting it up at some party in Delaware. Reminds me of a song:

Thoughts for the Day

2009-03-29T18:59:00.002-05:00

No, this is not a Jack Handy moment. I'm in the midst of moving back to my old house which I've decided I love. Every time I walk in, I realize it's my house (the ex be damned). We had a snowstorm yesterday with 10 inches of snow. Today it's sunny and 60 degrees. Today, I busted my ass on either a piece of ice or a wet puzzle piece in the drive way. I have a lovely cut on my knee to show for it.

However, all in all, things are looking up. I have quite a few clients and may be getting a new job this week. I'll be out from underneath my landlord. So here's a little song to celebrate. (Even though Abbadon hates U2.)

Shows Whose Popularity I Don't Get

2009-03-28T16:13:00.003-05:00

So after reading an article on Foxnews.com about whether or not some chick on Grey's Anatomy will return or not made me wonder why that show is so popular. Along with Grey's Anatomy, here is a list of shows that make me wonder why people are so nuts about them.

American Idol. So far it's produced two actual stars, Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson. The rest have been talentless dogs. Even the crappy auditions at the beginning of the season are boring now.
Survivor. Is this show even on anymore? I think they should really make it challenging like, Survivor: Darfur or Survivor: Baghdad.
Lost. First, has anyone ever survived a plane crash at sea? Second, if so, wouldn't the Navy be looking for them? This show apparently went from quasi-believable to absolute insanity with like time travel or something.
CSI (all forms). I understand the interest in how a crime is solved. However, it's well documented that criminals watch these shows and are becoming more savvy in their crimes. People now expect that all crimes should be solved in the allotted one hour and get pissy when they don't. Shouldn't those be reasons to yank it off the air?
Dancing With the Stars. Seriously? We give a rat's ass about celebrities and ballroom dancing?
Keeping Up with the Kardashians. This is the most self-absorbed group of nitwits on TV. They're claim to fame? Being the offspring of one of OJ Simpson's lawyers and step-kids of Bruce Jenner. I can't understand why a mother would allow her daughters to act like total tramps on television and Bruce Jenner...BRUCE!!!What the hell? You go from Olympic glory to this crap?
Prison Break. Like Lost, I can't postpone reality long enough to believe that it's this easy to get out of maximum security. Otherwise, Charlie Manson would be my neighbor.

Lights on for Earth Hour

2009-03-28T10:34:00.002-05:00

Apparently at 8:30 pm Central Time, we're supposed to dim our lights for some damn reason. Being a nonconformist, I plan on turning every light in the house on for an hour. Every...single...light... So join me in saying screw you to the environmental Nazis.

LIGHTS ON FOR EARTH HOUR.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2009-03-28T10:24:00.002-05:00

March 28, 2009: The view from my office window. Yes, it's coming down heavy.

Beau Tackles the Economy

2009-03-27T18:12:00.005-05:00

Those of you who remember my old blog, the LawWench, remember Beau's take on the elections. Well, Beau is back to discuss with us the current economic crisis. As you can see, he doesn't look very optimistic about the current administration's economic policies.

Folly: So Beau, what's this chart supposed to represent?

Beau: Our lives. No. Seriously. See that part that looks like a mountain?

F: Yes.

B: That was the end of the Bush era. Sure things were bouncing around but it wasn't a complete disaster. Most of us had jobs, houses, and whatnot.

F: Okay. What's that big drop?

B: The Obama Administration's policies. Made everything nosedive right into the toilet.

F: Okay, then why does it say January 2008?

B: Because my owner doesn't know what damn year it is. I said, "2009, you idiot, 2009," and he writes, "2008." Yeesh. So hard to find good help these days.

F: So is it just one policy of the Obama Administration that's messing everything up?

B: Nah, it's the whole enchilada. I mean, he mouths about how we're heading for a depression and we need to act now and blah, blah, blah. What do you think the market does when they hear, "Mr. Hopey Changy" talking like he's the captain of the Titanic?

F: Sell off like it's 1929?

B: Exactly. Then his idiotic Treasury Secretary starts mouthing about how he's open to the Commie's idea of a one world currency and how they need to have the authority to seize any business they see fit. When did we move to Stalinist Russia?

F: Good question, Beau. It all began with the 51% of the country voting him into office.

B: 51% of the country is nuts.

F: So what's your overall take of the economy, Beau? Is this the bottom? What can people do to ride through these tough times.

B: Hold on, sister, one question at a time.

F: I'm sorry.

B: No problem. First, the economy sucks and this administration has no idea how to fix it. The problem is that people are expecting him to fix it instead of thinking about how they can fix it. Capiche? Second, I don't know if we can go any lower. I'm not saying it's the bottom but there ain't much further we can go. Third, stuff your mattresses with all your money. Hunker down and take a nap. That's what I'm getting ready to do.

F: Okay, thanks for your time and have a good nap.

B: Anytime.

Scared Yet?

2009-03-27T10:48:00.003-05:00

Let's see, the new administration wants to seize private businesses and institute a "global currency." Why the hell isn't anyone screaming to high heaven over the obvious attempt by the Obama-philes to turn this country into a socialist dictatorship? Is that what everyone wants?

People, complain to your representatives. Write to the newspaper. Do whatever you can to ensure that the United States of America does not become the United Socialist States of America.

Friday Song

2009-03-27T10:10:00.001-05:00

This song got stuck in my head yesterday and I don't know why. We're expecting a blizzard here this weekend followed by 60 degree weather. Go figure.

EU President: The US is on the Road to Hell

2009-03-25T09:07:00.002-05:00

The words of the EU president reminds me of this song:

Obama Addresses the Nation

2009-03-24T21:35:00.001-05:00

Yeah, Yeah, I've Been Busy

2009-03-24T20:36:00.002-05:00

Between work and planning a move back to a house I still technically own (even if only on paper), I haven't had much time to chat. Consensus is that I'm making the right decision and I intend on going balls to the wall to keep the house. Every time I walk in it, I realize that it is MY house.

Updates: Discovered my ex didn't bother making any payments on the $15k tax debt so now we've got a tax lien on everything we own. He hasn't paid me anything so I modified the contempt application to include a writ of execution against the pub. Figure I might as well go for broke.

I've got a billion family law clients so I'm starting to make a little money (not much but a little). Plus my old boss still wants work from me (even though he's a total shithead about it). That means I should pull in about $5k this next month. Enough for bills and to save until I get a full time gig. So, things are looking up a little.

Poll Time

2009-03-21T18:30:00.002-05:00

Okay, boys and girls, it's time for another, "Let's tell Folly what to do with her life." This involves my old house. Here's the deal. Since I lost my 6 figure job in February, I've been doing family law to keep going. The downside is that it doesn't pay jack. My old boss promise me 6 months of pay at $3k/month to do some research for him but I haven't gotten any new projects which means that little gig may be over.

Anyway, I'm behind on the rent and can't afford where I am. My thought is to move back into my old house since the bank can't figure out what to do with it and the IRS slapped a lien on it for $15k. However, my real estate agent is giving me shit over it, saying that if we don't sell it this month it goes back on the auction block in April.

So here's the poll: Should I move into my old house and hope they don't sell it out from under me or move on down the road and hope I can figure out how to pay rent?

California Bar Application

2009-03-17T20:24:00.002-05:00

So I was looking at the California Bar Application yesterday (no, I'm not moving to Cali) and discovered that they allow crazy people to be lawyers there (go figure). In fact, here is a sample form from the packet:

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T20:22:00.001-05:00

Yeah, yeah, it's late. Here's a song for you:

The New Head of the FDA

2009-03-14T12:15:00.005-05:00

Here's Obama's pick for the head of the FDA. Here she is giving a commencement speech at the Columbia School of Journalism.

My Letter To God

2009-03-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

Dear God:

I hope you read blogs. Sorry if I've offended you with anything I wrote. So, when's stuff in my life supposed to change? Seriously, I'm working my self to death and have little to show for it. Besides, didn't you already do this with Job? Granted, I haven't been to church lately so that's kinda of an "x" against me. However, I'm not genuinely a bad person.

I mean, you let the Red Sox win the World Series and the Lightening, the Stanley Cup and the Bucs, the Super Bowl. Do you suppose you could lighten up on me a bit? Make some good come my way. Oh, I'm not asking to win the lottery (I don't play anyway). Just make the junk ease up. 'Kay?

Oh and when are the Cubs going to the World Series? Please lighten up on them as well. You let the White Sox go. Um....okay.

Look, I'm trying the best I can. So if you could just cut me a little slack, I'd really, really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Folly

What Clinton Gave Russia.

2009-03-12T11:22:00.002-05:00

A Little Song for the Wayward Boyfriend

2009-03-12T10:07:00.000-05:00

Folly Goes Back to Court

2009-03-12T08:09:00.002-05:00

This time I left early and made it to Vinita before 4:30 p.m. It took less than 5 minutes. I drove 130 miles twice for a five minute event. Again, this is what I'm up against:

Folly Goes To Court

2009-03-10T22:38:00.001-05:00

You laugh but this is what it's like. I went to Vinita today. The courthouse closed 3 minutes before I got there.

Where the Hell is Pryor?

2009-03-10T08:46:00.002-05:00

Yes, I know I promise to post more but that pesky work thing has me all tied up. I met with a new client yesterday then ran out to Pryor (where the case is pending) to file an Entry of Appearance. Where the hell is Pryor you ask? It's here (hint: look towards the upper right). Now, for a podunk town, they have the nicest courthouse I've ever visited.

Today, I get to meet a new client whose case is pending in Craig County. Where the hell is Craig County? It's here. So I do get to see parts of Oklahoma I've never seen. However, I'm not sure that's a good thing.

This Week's "What the Hamster?"

2009-03-07T10:47:00.002-06:00

I've decided to change, "Friday's What the Hamster?" to the current title since I never know when I'm going to get around to actually posting the thing. So here are some stories that made me say, "What the Hamster?"

Unemployment Rate Hits 8.1%. Being one of that 8.1% does not make me happy. However, at least I'm not alone. As they say, misery loves company. I should point out that the last time unemployment hit this level was in 1983, when I was starting my junior year of high school and Ronald Reagan was still in his first term. However, the Messiah claims this a great opportunity. Yeah, an opportunity for him to establish the United Socialist States of America.

Feds: The Economy Sucked in January and February. As previously mentioned, could these guys be any more obvious. We know it sucks. The Messiah got elected based on the idea that ONLY HE could fix the problem. All he has done since his anointing is made it worse. Every time the guy opens his mouth, the Stock Market dives. Can we get a gag order on him?

Clinton: "Yeah, we're talking with a terrorist state. So what?" Showing how clueless this administration is, they're talking to the Syrians. The same people who assassinated the PM of Lebanon. The same people who backed Hezbollah's attacks on Israel. The same people who helped a bunch of Baathists escape Iraq when we invade. Holy cow, could this administration get anymore inept? No....don't answer that.

The Anti-Semite Administration, Part II. Also showing they have no regard for Israel, Madam Secretary Clinton stated that a Palestinian state WILL be created. Don't you think Israel should have some say in that before we start carving up the Middle East? Didn't the Democrats bitch we the Bush Administration started meddling in the internal affairs of other countries?

Rhianna and Chris Brown. Showing it doesn't matter how famous and rich you are, some women are just dumb asses when it comes to men. Now me, if my boyfriend beat the shit out of me to the point where I couldn't go on an awards show, I damn sure wouldn't be taking his sorry ass back. But of course he did the, "Baby, I'm sorry," and she forgave him. Girl, he's done it once and he'll do it again. The next time, you'll have a hard time finding anyone who'll feel sorry for you.

Folly's Diet, Part Deux

2009-03-05T20:18:00.003-06:00

What I can and cannot eat so far:

CAN:

Mac & Cheese
Brownies
Pudding
Noodles
Raman
Cream of Wheat
Beer

CANNOT:

Donuts
Omlettes
Beef
Chicken
Chips
Cookies
Bagels
Bread

God, someone just shoot me.

Government: The Economy Sucks

2009-03-04T18:43:00.004-06:00

Showing just how much trouble we're in, the government (i.e. the guys in DC) made this startling revelation today: The economy worsened in January and February. Now, it doesn't take an Economics degree from the Wharton School of Business to make that statement. All you have to do is watch the damn news. I guess tomorrow they will pronounce that Iran is hostile to Israel.

Yes, these people are in charge of our future. How scary is that?

Shiner Bock and Mac & Cheese

2009-03-03T18:46:00.002-06:00

That's my new diet. No, I'm not trying to lose weight. I have an esophageal stricture. (Click on the link to find out more). Yes, I get to have a balloon shoved down my throat to re-expand the esophagus. Until then, I can't eat solid food. I can, however, drink beer and eat mushy crap like macaroni and cheese. I'd kill for a cheeseburger or a steak. Seriously.

It hurts like hell if I try to eat normal food so I haven't eat a whole lot in four days. Good side: I've already lost 2 pounds. Bad side: I AM FREAKIN' STARVING.

What's New, Pussycat?

2009-02-28T19:24:00.001-06:00

Good: My former boss and I came to a deal but it requires me to do 10 hour/week of research and writing for the next 6 months in exchange for being paid $3000/month.

Bad: My love life is in the toilet again. He acts like I'm more of an irritant than anything. So in honor of that:

A Very Special Friday What the Hamster

2009-02-27T07:43:00.004-06:00

Today's What the Hamster involves my current situation. Here's stuff that's happened this week that has made me say, "What the Hamster?"

My Ex-Boss. Look, laying me off from my $100k/year gig was bad enough but fucking me out of my "profit-sharing" contributions and a severance package to support my children makes you a douche bag. Not to mention I now have to buy my own malpractice insurance and CLE courses. Freakin' turd. Nothing that a letter to Travelers regarding billing fraud won't cure.
Xite Homes. I contracted with these douche bags to buy a house. Then I lost my job. Now they won't return my $1500 deposit that I need to put in my account. I've reported them to the BBB. Next step: Small claims.
Unemployment. They're holding my check because I honestly said I can't take just any old job that comes down the pike. Jeez, it's called RA so I can't stand for 8 hours or lift 50 pounds. Rotten government workers.
My Landlord. I'm in hock to him after losing my job. He finally got around to answering my, "What should we do about the lease," question I asked him a week ago. Either we modify it, or I'm out living in a box somewhere.
My Car. Never buy a Jag. Seriously. The bitch costs more to maintain than Paris Hilton. Now I have a "check engine" light on that could either be the cruise control or the transmission. Regardless, I refuse to spend another time on the POS. It's going back to the bank when I file bankruptcy anyway.

More British Hotness

2009-02-26T18:45:00.003-06:00

For you, Sis.

What The Hostages Website Reminded Me Of...

2009-02-25T18:48:00.003-06:00

It does not get any hotter than this (okay, Colin Firth runs second):

Happy Anniversary, Baby

2009-02-23T19:37:00.002-06:00

Today marks what would have been my 7th wedding anniversary had my former spouse not lost his mind. In honor of that, I filed an Application for Contempt today with the court because he hasn't paid me my money. Oh, yes, he'll be pissed but I figure he'll get over it. Oh and here's a little song for him:

Working Like a Dog

2009-02-22T08:34:00.002-06:00

I'm getting heartburn for not posting enough. So here's a post. As some of you know, I just launched my own firm after losing my $100k/year job without warning or a severance package. Let's face facts. I can't get hired by another firm because I'm old (hitting 42), infirmed (with rheumatoid arthritis), and a single parent. Law firms are probably the most discriminatory bastards out there so no way, no how are they hiring me when they can hire Joe Recent Grad for $30k/year.

I started picking up some family law referrals (do what you know, I say) and I've been working like a dog all week. Tomorrow, I get to go to a Temporary Order hearing in a little town about 30 miles west of here. One of those towns where the judge knows every lawyer in town and opposing counsel is one of those lawyers. These referrals are are low income ($50/hour) and I only get paid for 2 hours per client per month. Not really helping me pay bills so I need regular paying clients.

At any rate, I'll try to blog as much as I can while starting my new venture.

Woohoo, I'm Unemployed

2009-02-17T18:13:00.004-06:00

Where the hell have I been? Good question. Glad you asked. Let's see, last week I was sailing around the Caribbean with my son, my sister and her friend. My sister paid for that so that I wouldn't go on a shooting spree.

The night before my trip, my boss called me on my cell phone to tell me they were, "letting me go," because, "the insurance company stopped paying." Due to the nature of the beast, our client's insurance company was footing the bill for defense costs. They got tired of paying.

So after nearly six years on the job, I'm canned. No offer of money or anything. Of course, after the call I'm freakin' out because I'm going on a trip I can't afford with no job to come home to. I call everyone I know boo-hooing on the phone.

Oh did I mention that I was the only over 40 with a disability single mother of the firm? The boss man tried to ease the pain by telling me that he canned the son of the office manager as well. Imagine my surprise when this fired employee gave me my box of crap today when I went to the office to turn in my key. Needless to say, I sent the boss a lovely severance package offer. As BiW told me, I know where the bodies are hidden.

So here I am. Unemployed with two kids to support, no spouse and rheumatoid arthritis. I have a better chance at winning the lottery than finding another job. I guess I need to hang out a shingle and try my luck.

The Caymans were lovely though.

What I Want

2009-01-27T18:38:00.005-06:00

So as I sit here in the frozen tundra, freezing my ass off and wondering if the snow/sleet/freezing rain will ever stop (bite me, Al Gore), I took a minute to read some articles over at Big Hollywood (in between reading a deposition transcript and writing a Daubert motion).

Big Hollywood is the conservative side of Hollywood as opposed to say....Matt Damon, who thinks Bill Kristol is an idiot. This would be the same Bill Kristol who graduated with honors from Harvard and also has a PhD in government from Harvard. The same Bill Kristol who taught at the Kennedy School of Government. I believe Damon went to Harvard once to film a movie with that guy who's married to Jennifer Garner.

Anyway, the two noteworthy articles I looked at today was one by Gary Graham on abortion and another about how Ashley Judd said that, "it's so nice to be living in America again." I'm not sure where the hell she was living before but she said this at some-pro abortion party. At any rate, I'm not going to turn this post into an abortion issue but I will say that Gary Graham's article was different. Why? Because as a self-proclaimed drug user and womanizer, Mr. Graham has paid for more than his fair share of abortions. This is a view from the other side. I applaud him for his self-reflection on the issue.

I said last week that I was going to ignore the Obama Administration. I've changed my mind. These people are not only nuts but dangerous. Nancy Freakin Pelosi thinks that by funding more "family planning," it will stimulate the economy. Reading between the lines, more abortions =less people being born=less strain on the economy. Where the hell did she get the idea that over-population is the source of the recession. Nancy, please for the love of God, take an economics course.

Then Obama goes on Arab TV citing his Muslim background and relatives, practically a taboo issue during the U.S. presidential campaign, and said in the interview, which aired Tuesday, that one of his main tasks was to communicate to Muslims "that the Americans are not your enemy."

"He's different from the previous presidents, perhaps because of his color or his Islamic background. My views of America are different now than they were during the Bush administration," said Youssef Ali, 45, who works for the Iraqi Electricity Ministry in Baghdad.

"What I told him is start by listening, because all too often the United States starts by dictating," Obama told the interviewer

Remember when bringing up his Muslim background incited allegations of racism and lying? Having dealt with Muslims in the Army and understanding their culture, what this really means is that Obama is telling them that he is one of them. Scared yet?

Then there's the economy. The crap-ass economy that Obama is just now getting around to and the, "stimulus package," that is apparently so full of pork it should have Jimmy Dean written on it. Here's what Senator Jim DeMint has to say, "the Obama administration will “create crisis and widespread panic” just like its predecessor in order to get Congress to act expeditiously.

“I’ve been around long enough to know whenever someone tells me I have to make a decision right now, my response is no,” DeMint said. “That clears it up right away and I think more and more the Bush administration and now this administration knows that they’re not going to get a quick reaction out of Congress unless they create crisis and widespread panic. And that’s going to be their M.O. to get Congress to act.”

Oh and then there's Jon Stewart who said that Rush Limbaugh's criticism of Obama was treason. However, it was perfectly acceptable for him and other Hollywood idiots to criticize Bush for 8 years. Amazing how the 1st Amendment only applies to certain people.

What all this leads to is: I want my country back. Oh not the one of the last 8 years. I want baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. I don't want political correctness. I want to say someone is an idiot without getting sued or shot. I want my kids to be able to play outside without some pervert kidnapping one of them. I want men to act like men and women to act like women. Ladies, don't fool yourselves. We aren't any more equal than we were 50 years ago. The only difference now is that we HAVE to work because we never know when our spouse will decide he didn't mean the marriage vows. Schools need to get back to teaching and not indoctrination. I want the country our ancestors fought and died for at Bunker Hill, Gettysburg, and Omaha Beach. I'm tired of being dragged down the road to ruin by politicians who don't really care about any of us (regardless of the party). I want the place that immigrants came to because it was city upon the hill.

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Emma Lazarus

THAT'S what I want.

The Obama Diaries

2009-01-26T20:47:00.003-06:00

1/25/09

Dear Diary:

I've been prez for almost a week now. A WHOLE WEEK. And have I accomplished stuff that my supporters asked me to or what. Here's what I've done:

1. Closed Gitmo. The "freedom fighters" currently living there will be shipped somewhere. We don't know no where yet. I checked into Alcatraz 'cause some Congressman (Right winger of course) suggested it. I found out that it was closed in the 1960s and is now a national park. Who knew? Then I thought maybe that place where they keep Charlie Manson but I figure that'd give old Charlie a new "family."

2. Overturned Abortion Funding Ban Overseas. Nothing says "America Loves You," like federally funded abortions for poor people in 3rd world countries. Hey, it's an economic stimulus for them. Less people = less people starving. It's a win-win. Pelosi thinks we can do the same thing here.

3. Banned Torture. Oh sure, they'd cut our heads off if they got the chance but we shouldn't stoop to their level by forcing information out of them that may save American lives. We are better than they are and we will show it by treating them nicely.

4. Tried to Figure Out the Economy. It's way harder than I thought. I thought that once I took office, everyone would cheer up and be happy and have jobs and buy stuff. It hasn't worked out that way. Don't they understand that I will make everything better?

5. New Emission Standards. Oh sure the US auto industry is in the toilet but they need to make cars that go at least 35 mpg. I'm not sure how they will pay for it since they came begging to us for money. Unless, of course, we tie their hands by forcing them to agree to that before they get our cash...

6. Re-Did My Oath of Office. Thanks to the Chief Justice hosing it, I had to re-take my oath so that right-wing nut jobs don't claim I'm not really president. Then we had to re-do the inauguration 'cause a bunch of people with tickets didn't get in. I swear, the Keystone Kops are running this place.

Stuff I Can't Make Up

2009-01-25T14:23:00.004-06:00

From CraigsList (I've highlighted the really good parts. The fact that she's now Lutheran should explain to you my problems with the church.)

I am looking for a forever marriage partner. We need to be compatable in 5 areas. I think that this can be achieved in under 3 months of our dating relationship. I will not drag a relationship out past 3 months without commitment. My ring size is 8.

1. Religion / Spirituality The husband is the spiritual leader of the home. I need you to have a strong Christian faith & attend church at least a couple of times each month, maybe even a couple of times some weeks. I was saved as a child & water baptized in my college days. I go to a Lutheran church, but have gone to Baptist, Southern Baptist, Nazarene, Menonite, Penticostal, non-denominational, and several other denominations. I'm open to any Evangelical Christian denomination that you attend. I will be there at your side, actively participating in Bible study and church service, and I will gladly participate in couples & ladies activities at church & in private homes. I enjoy Apologetic debate because I am very well indoctrinated in several Christian denominations. I do dress up for Halloween. It is my favorite holiday because it is my one day to share the Gospel with the kids coming to my door. I believe in angels and their powers. You may want to ask me more about religious stuff later.

2. Physical Attraction A good wrestling match, as I call it, is what I am looking for. I'd like you to be similar in size & age to me. I realize that some young guys like older women, so you are also welcome to reply if you like what you see. I am 42 years old, 5'7" barefoot & around 200-210 lbs. I would prefer that you are within 3 in. shorter of my height up to 9 in. taller. There needs to be some physical attraction, so I expect a pic of you that includes your face & hair-do. Your tattoos, if you have any, need to be able to be covered up when dressed. I have no tattoos, and never will want any. I'm not into piercings at all. There are no extra holes in me. If you color your hair, I want to know what the original color was. My hair will soon be dyed blond. My hair is natural light brown. I naturally have very little body hair. I only shave my lower legs & arm pits.

3. Emotional / Romantic Let's talk about falling in love. It may or may not happen instanteneously. It may take a few dates. For starters, you need to open the doors, pay for the meal, pay for the movie, etc. Chivalry is not completely dead! I expect to be treated as a lady & I expect you to act like a complete gentleman. Come sweep me off my feet & woo me! I prefer live flowers, I'm not into chocolates, and candles are not all that enjoyable to me. Back massages are great! Let's hold hands & talk. Let's watch a movie at home. Let's stare at the stars in the night sky. Let's walk across a bridge. Let's pick wild flowers. Let's watch the bird at the park & have a picnic. Let's ride rollercoasters! Let's go for a short walk downtown together. Let's go get ice cream. Let's have fun!

4. Conversation / Intellectual We need to be able to talk about anything & everything! You having a high IQ would be a bonus! I would appreciate a good intellectual match. I do have gifted children. They will appreciate a bright step-dad! Let's talk about food. I'm a very good cook, but what I cannot fix easily I just simply go out to eat to enjoy. I can fix most any typical home cooked meal. I am severely alergic to oat, while egg yolk & milk just disagrees with me. Let's talk about occupation & education. I am a biochemist by education, but I'm 12 years out of the loop. I am job hunting, so this means I have a lot of time to devote to dating you. I have mostly worked fast food & chemistry before children. Since the legal separation, I have worked as a security officer & at a fast food joint. Since the divorce, I worked as a nanny & at a call center. Let's talk about medical / physical / mental / health problems & issues. I am recovering from left leg trauma, but I get around & walk pretty good. My left leg was run over 3 1/2 years ago in a freak accident. I am otherwise in excellent health. I am only missing 1 tooth, as I was a poor teenager & I could not afford to save it. My teeth are mostly straight, except for the top left tooth up front. My top front teeth have been knocked out 3 times, & I just shoved them right back in! Let's talk about living arrangements. I do live in the upstairs of my parents' home in Coffeyville. Let's talk about finances. The economy is terrible here in Coffeyville! I own my car free & clear & I have zero debt. I also own stock. My income is alimony - child support = spousal support. Let's talk about how one dresses. I dress business casual to semi-formal daily. I don't dress down. I wear very little jewelry. I wear my watch & ring, plus broaches on my coats / jackets & a necklace from my best girlfriend. Let's talk about family. I'm the oldest of 4 kids. My 2 brothers & their families live here in Coffeyville. My sister & her family lives in Dewey / Bartlesville. I live with my parents here in Coffeyville. Let's talk about kids. My ex has our girls, ages 11 & 10. He has joint residential custody. They live in Overland Park. There is very little drama. I'm ok with my mate having a couple of kids and any number of teens on up. Teenagers are my favorite age group. I can't hardly wait until my girls are teenagers. My car has 3 booster seats, so I can haul your little kids safely & legally, just like I do my young nieces & nephew. I can also babysit. I have no intentions of making any more babies. Let's talk about politics. Actually, let's not. I support the President 100%, but I don't vote. I am also very pro-life. Let's leave it at that. Let's talk about TV. I really don't care about TV, but I will gladly watch whatever you like by your side, or let you be with your game or show while I do more important things, such as tucking in the kids or doing laundry. I like murder / mystery, sci-fi & game shows, plus watching movies. My ex-husband & ex-boyfriend, plus my best girlfriend, were all StarTrek fanatics. So if you like StarTrek, or even just sci-fi, I know I will like you.

5. Sexuality / Sensuality Let's talk about sex. I am perfectly willing to talk about what I enjoy sexually & what you enjoy sexually. Please don't even ask me to touch your ____ or ask if you can touch my ______. I don't care if society is changing & you want to try the goods before you buy them. I will do my best to wait until we are engaged to be married for the 2nd. base fun stuff, and sex is (IMO) for within marriage only. If you believe otherwise, please move on to the next ad. I'm not interested in a booty call. I'm absolutely not interested in co-habitation / shacking up. I prefer to be on the receiving end or equal partnership, rather than being the aggressor in the relationship. My ex & I were both virgins when we got married. This will give you a good starting point for our conversation, which is so vitally important, especially since I am intersex. Let's talk about jammies. I'm not into wearing sexy lingerie, but I'm open to you wearing whatever you like. I like t-shirt dresses & shorts myself. I am severely allergic to latex, so let's not even go there on wearing latex anything. No S&M. The bedroom is to be latex-free! Please don't ask me to swing, do a 3- or 4- some, or anything else along those lines. If you ladies reading my ad want to be my friends, well by all means, please reply! I could use a few more lady friends. If you like to get in touch with your feminine side, I'm cool by that! I'd prefer a girly man anyway! I can keep your secrets safe. I'm not into macho muscle guys anyway! I like a softer touch.

Now that we've covered the 5 points, I'd like to tell you a little bit more about myself.

Hobbies & Interests
1. I enjoy sewing crafts, such as row quilts, dog beds, & corn bags. I could make a stay-at-home business out of my sewing hobby.

2. I enjoy medical internet research. I consider medical research to be my life-long pursuit.
3. I enjoy playing card / dice / board games, such as Catan & Ticket to Ride with my extended family.

Community
1. I enjoy going to community events, such as bake sales, chicken noodle dinners, pancake feeds, salad luncheons, Dinner with the Doctor, Pretty in Pink, etc.
2. I enjoy participating in ladies religious activities, such as quilt making, Mom's 'n' Mentors, etc.

Friendships
1. I have one best girlfriend. We spend a lot of time together going out to eat, shopping, and mostly just talking. We text a lot!
2. I have lots of chat pals & email pals. I am also friends in person with a few of them.
3. My extended family members are my friends! We have lots of fun together! I'm waiting to hear from you. I'll gladly drive down there to meet you. The Tulsa metro is such a short drive away. I hardly consider that short of a drive to be long distance. Being around smoke makes me sick & I don't care for alcohol. I don't mind any if you drink socially, but please don't drink to get drunk around me or my kids. Please write back soon!

(This wouldn't be soooooo damn bad if it weren't for the pictures she included.)

The Sweet

2009-01-24T20:46:00.002-06:00

I was over at The Hostages where someone posted this video:

<

to much derision. Now, I confess, I like Sweet or The Sweet. They cleaned up in that video compared to...say...Ballroom Blitz:

They finally ditched the glam look in 1978:

And yeah, Brian Connolley (lead singer) was hot. Was as he died in 1997 due to alcohol-related liver failure at the age of 51. Drummer Mick Tucker died in 2002 of leukemia at age 54. There you have it. A brief look at one of the 70s most interesting groups.

My New Theme Song

2009-01-24T17:04:00.000-06:00

Well this is my new theme song. It fits.

The Obama Diary

2009-01-23T18:46:00.002-06:00

1/23/09

Well, today I had to give some reporter the stink eye. How dare they expect me to give them unfettered access. I am not Bush. I AM THE ONE. Everyone says so. If I don't want to answer a question, then I don't have to.

I also ended that whole ban of foreign abortions. Who are we to deny the right to terminate a child overseas, paid for by US taxpayers?

Um...what else did I do today...oh had a chat with Shrilary about that whole, "Smart Power," thing. People are saying it's dumb. I think it sounds friendly. Like the, "Smart Car." It means we will exercise our Gaea given right to rule the world in a smart way by being nice. So we're keeping, "Smart Power."

I also made some phone calls to Aretha Franklin (wife wants the hat), Rick Warren (great speech), and that Jewish guy. He still won't take my calls.

Happy Friday

2009-01-23T08:17:00.003-06:00

No, What the Hamster today. Today, I bring you the words of Judy Garland:

I refuse to participate in the doom and gloom now that the Messiah is our leader. I choose to mock him rather than fret. It's much more entertaining.

The Obama Diary

2009-01-22T18:26:00.004-06:00

1/22/09

Dear Diary:

Wow, this president thing is tough. Not at all like community activism. Yesterday, I got a call from that Abba guy. I thought he was the one who wrote Mamma Mia (LOVED IT) but instead it was somebody talking about his people in Gaza. Had to look on the map to see where that was (Israel). Ask him if he knew ABBA cause the daughters want to see them live. He told me to call the Jews and tell them to stop blowing up Gaza.

Called the Jewish guy and told him that blowing up Gaza is part of that whole Bush, "Blow up the bad guys era," that is sooooo last administration and not part of my hope and change administration. He hung up on me. I tried calling him back but his secretary said he was on the golf course and couldn't be reached. Made a note to try the golf course in Tel Aviv.

Then I closed that prison in Cuba where Bush was holding all the "terrorists." Gizmo. No wait, that's the furry little thing in Gremlins...oh, yeah, GITMO. No idea where I'm going to put these guys. Murtha offered to house them in his backyard. He must have a really big backyard. Scored really big points in the polls in Europe and the Middle East.

Then I banned interrogation stuff that the CIA used against these alleged terrorists because it's so not cool. Told them that to get information just be nice to them and promise them free government money and stuff. I found this worked really well in Chicago.

Hilary got confirmed. I can call her Shrilary all I want now and SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT 'CAUSE I'M HER BOSS. Hahahaha. Shrilary. I told her we were going to, "forge a new era of American leadership in the world." I have no idea what that means. My speech guy wrote it but it sounds nice.

Well that's all today. I was very busy leading. Maybe I'll have more time to write tomorrow.

Day 1 of the Messiah's Reign

2009-01-21T20:56:00.003-06:00

A Recap of the first real day of work for the Messiah. First, the One decided to close Gitmo. What he's going to do with the 200+ terrorists there who would gladly kill us is unknown. Maybe he's hoping for some mutual respect and dialogue or something. Closing the site "would further the national security and foreign policy interests of the United States and the interests of justice," read the draft prepared for the new president's signature. Translation: So we can appease our European friends and Muslim overlords.

Oh and he stiffed some of the White House staff by freezing their pay. That only applies to the ones earning more than $100k. There's 100 White House staff members that earn that. 100. He also scrapped the bill that would have removed the gray wolf from the endangered species list.

Then he had some meetings about war stuff and then a party.

So there you have it. A busy day full of hope and change. Anyone else have this part of The Life of Brian in their head every time we hear about the Messiah?

The Official Obama Supporters Theme Song

2009-01-21T07:59:00.000-06:00

Shamelessy stolen from The Hostages:

An Open Letter to the GOP

2009-01-20T20:20:00.004-06:00

Today, the Chosen One (at least according to the Left and the media) was anointed as supreme commander of our country. Why? It's because of us. The GOP. We screwed the pooch. We gave him this victory. How? Glad you asked. Here are the reasons I think we lost:

1. Wrong Candidate. I'm sure McCain is a nice fella and a war vet and all but giving him the nomination was a freakin' disaster. He was given it because the GOP thought he got screwed by Bush in 2000 so out of pity, we handed him the nomination. This is what sympathy gets you. He was not the right man. He had no charisma. No charm. Nothing that would make the populace go, "Gee, I like him better than that Obama guy."Mitt Romney was a better choice but the fundamentalists didn't like him because he was a Mormon. Rudy Giuliani was a good choice but didn't get it because he's human and had some personal issues. However, either of these guys may very well have handed Obama a defeat.

2. The Pork Gravy Train. When the GOP is now doling out more cash than the Democrats, we have a problem. What the hell separates us from them if we're just as bad about pork? Bailing out the banks and the insurance companies and all the other fat cats that went broke while their executives were bailing out with millions in compensation did not help the cause.

3. Bush. I don't hate him. I think he is the most maligned president in US history. However, he should have told a whole lot of people to pack sand, starting with the White House Press Corps. Anytime Helen Thomas stood up, he should have said, "Helen, you still alive? Jesus, didn't you interview Thomas Jefferson?" They treated him like dog crap and he let them. He should have mooned them on the way out of town today. Bush needed more backbone and less "yes" men around him. Cheney, I adored. Don't care what anyone says. I dare ANYONE to tell me a single thing this man did wrong while VP. No, Halliburton doesn't count. Cheney had balls and didn't care who he told to lick them.

4. Wake Up and Smell the 21st Century. I'm not talking about compromising principles. I'm talking about fighting them on their own turf. We act like we've never heard of YouTube or the Internet because....well, it's soooooo plebeian. WE need to be the party of the people, not the party of the country club set (which is the perception). WE need to get out there and tell people what the GOP can do for them.

5. And finally, a little inspirational video. The COMPLETE video. Of course, it looks like the RNC after the election but still:

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
by thefastlane2hell

Black for Obama

2009-01-20T07:02:00.002-06:00

Today is ~~Coronation~~ Inauguration Day. I propose that all of us who did not vote for the new ~~King~~ President wear black today. Black is the traditional sign of mourning and what better time to wear black than to mourn the passing of democracy in the United States.

Why Men Suck

2009-01-17T19:32:00.003-06:00

Well since I haven't actually been dumped, merely neglected, I thought I'd revise this post. Here's what happened:

1. Get a call from former spouse's ex-wife on Thursday. Her attorney says 100% chance the idiot is going to jail. In that case, would I please pick up my former step-son and hold him until she can travel the 6 1/2 hours to my house. I, being an absolute mental case, agree.

2. Yesterday morning. Get a call from ex-spouse's ex-wife. Ex-spouse is going to jail for 6 months or $17k, which ever comes first. Could I please go pick up her kid at high school. She also says that he may be combative because he doesn't like me due to the garbage Dad has spewed.

3. I call the boyfriend. Tell him what's up. Can he please go to school with me. No, says he. Busy at work. However, he "has my back."

4. Go to school. Junior doesn't want to talk to me or leave with me. Calls his mother and tells her he hates her guts and hopes she burns in hell. Prior to him showing up, counselor shows me a piece of paper in which the counselor wrote down that he didn't want to go with me because I, "slandered them." He wants to go with friends. Mom says no. He calls his grandmother and finds out that she's paid the $17k. Mom insists he has to stay with me until his dad comes and gets him.

5. After 1 1/2 hours at the counselor's office, Skippy and I leave to go by my work to pick up my stuff so I can take him to my house. The whole way he's talking about how he went with a friend of his dad's to the big field with all these guys and they got to shoot every manner of weapon currently manufactured. We get my stuff and I take him home.

6. The kids are happy to see them and they play for awhile. I open my first beer. It is 2:30 p.m. Boyfriend calls. I tell him I'm stressing out. He tells me to punt it back to them (how, I don't know). I ask him to please stop by on his way home from work. He agrees. Skippy calls a friend to come get him. I tell him he can't leave.

7. I am into my 2nd or 3rd beer, I forget which. I offer to get them McDonald's. I am getting numerous calls from Skippy's mom who is stressing out. I come back, wondering why the boyfriend hasn't shown up yet.

8. At 6:15 p.m., I get a text message from boyfriend that he sent at 5:30 stating that his mother is having a crisis and he must go to her. He promises to call. I text back that so was I and I guess I know where I rank.

9. At 7:30 p.m., Dipstick calls his son to tell him he's out the T-bar motel and on his way to the pub to check on things. He says he'll be by to pick him up at 9:30.

10. Still no word from the boyfriend. At 8 p.m., I tell Skippy to call his dad and ask if I can bring him to the pub. Dipstick agrees.

11. Take Skippy to the pub. Dipstick comes out and comes to my window where he thanks me and says he's going to sit down on Sunday and figure out what he owes everyone so he can start paying them back. Of course, I'm not buying it. I go home.

12. Saturday. Still no word from the boyfriend. I'm getting more and more upset and the day goes on. Finally at 1:15, I get a text that says, "I want you to know I love you but I had to see the parents and get out of town for awhile to clear my head." I text back, "WTF is wrong? Are you dumping me or what?" Then tell him how hurt I am. Get another text from him at 2:30 that says, "Not trying to hurt you or dump you. Will call you later. Love you." I finally get a call from him at 6 pm this evening and he's all, "Why do you always think I'm trying to dump you?" To which I respond with, "Gee, cause you disappeared and I haven't heard from you?" Apparently Mom is a co-dependent schizoid who has panic attacks and Dad can't or won't deal with it. However, he never answered my question about why he had to clear his head. He only said he wasn't dumping me, he loved me, blah, blah, blah.

Seriously, I can't take this shit. The last guy that left without an explanation I ended up divorcing.

Why GM Sucks

2009-01-14T13:58:00.002-06:00

I went looking at cars over the weekend. I went to one of the big Chevy dealers in town, whose owner has pimped out his daughter to do the ads for him. Her moniker is, "Dad'll Do It!" Anyway, after 2.5 excruciating hours at the dealer, I.M. Scrotum, the car salesman, tells me my Jag is only worth like $4k and that I needed to come up with $2700 to close the negative equity. He then tells me he'll call me Monday with the final numbers.

Monday, I'm sick so I don't answer the phone. I.M. Scrotum calls and tells me he needs $3k then sends me a follow up email saying the same thing. I responded by telling him that for another $500 I could buy a $350k house on a golf course. Here is his actual response:

u gonna park a beat up Jag in front of a $350k home? (probably not.....I`m sure it has a 3 car garage!) WHO, even needs a home like that! How does a one time $500 cost, buy a home like that? Well may be you can save $1500 this week and come back a few days before the next check and have the total amount? I just cannot hold a check for more than a week.

I was so pissed I damn near went down there and grabbed I.M. Scrotum by his namesake. Obviously, if this is how GM dealers treat potential clients, it's no wonder why they can't sell cars. Asshole. I'll keep my crappy Jag, thank you very much.

The Bush Years: A Reflection

2009-01-12T20:03:00.003-06:00

Well it's a little over a week until Scooter takes office. I thought I'd give my opinion of most maligned president in the last 150 years.

PROS

Decided to kick the Taliban's ass after 9/11 without engaging in "dialogue," or "negotiations" or trying to understanding their feelings.

Gave Will Ferrell his best character to date.

Kept the Estados Unidos safe from terrorist attacks by making entry into the country so damn difficult that only illegal migrant workers sneaking across the Arizona border can get in. The terrorists just gave up due to the paperwork.

Told the UN and the rest of the world to kiss his Texas-sized ass.

Prevented us from having an Al Gore and/or John Kerry administration.

CONS

Iraq. Not technically his fault it went to shit but he'll get the blame anyway. Who knew Saddam was a liar and our intel sucks.

Katrina. Again, not Bush's fault. Mayor McCheese and Governor Sniffles were to blame for this debacle as well as the citizens of New Orleans who expected to be taken out of a hurricane zone in stretch limos provided by the government. It's called personal responsibility which a vast majority of this country doesn't have.

Bailout for Bankers. We now have every asshole with a negative bank balance demanding to be saved from their own bad business decisions while the rest of us have to live with our mistakes. Where the hell is my bailout?

The Economy. Not Bush's fault but he'll get the blame. Blame Congress. Congress decided to put pressure on Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac to ease lending standards so that people who have to decide between buying baby formula and a carton of smokes every payday can buy a house (in that Socialist-like "everyone is entitled to own a home" program). That lead to the collapse of the housing market which led to the recession.

So, all in all, Bush wasn't a bad president. He was just a victim of a vindictive press who swore to get him after Al Bore didn't get anointed president. I feel sorry for him as I'm sure he's not a bad guy. If I were him, I'd moon the entire press corps on my way out of town.

Yeah, Yeah

2009-01-10T19:06:00.002-06:00

I've gotten some complaints that I haven't been blogging. Hell it's touch with the job, kids, school, and poverty. I know it's a day late but here's my ~~Friday~~ Saturday What the Hamster?

1. 5 Pirates Drown With Their Loot. Here are my candidates for the Darwin Awards. Some of those Somali pirates we've all been hearing about apparently drowned after retrieving some 3 million dollars in ransom. Their boat overturned. Yes, but why is the rum always gone?

2. Death Row Inmate Pops Out His Eye and Eats It. Okay, I understand doing crazy shit to keep out the death chamber, but I'm thinking this dude really is looney. He was on death row after he killed his wife, their infant, and her kid and putting their hearts in his pocket. He gouged out his other eye previously. So does it now constitute cruel and unusual punishment to execute a blind man if he caused his own blindness?

3. OU Loses...Again. What the hell? How can we lose 5 straight BCS bowl games? Do we not watch films of the opponent? Are they out partying the night before? I guess Bob Stoops' nickname should be changed from "Big Game Bob," to "Blow It Big," Bob.

4. Anti-Israeli Protestors. Last week, not far from my house, a group of Palestinians were protesting Israel with all sorts of lovely signs including one that said, "Not another Holocaust in Gaza." I promptly gave them the finger. If Hamas, you know that terrorist group running the place, wouldn't launch rockets in to Israel, the Israelis wouldn't get pissed off to the point of annihilating Gaza. Speaking of Jewish people...

5. Amy Winehouse Targeted by Islamic Terrorists. At first I thought it was because of her crappy music and sense of fashion. However, it turns out she's Jewish and that's why the a Muslim website in the UK listed her and her Jewish manager's name as potential targets. "The Muslims want to cut my head off and I say, no, no, no." Sorry, I had to go there.

6. Tulsa Has Gone to Crap. Showing how out of control our gang bangers are and how our government is completely in denial, a guy in a wheelchair was shot and killed the other day because a couple of gangstas couldn't shoot straight. They were aiming for two other guys and missed.

7. Obama to Create 4.1 million jobs...Maybe. Um, some how the guy who will be sworn in as president in 10 days plans on creating 4.1 million jobs or something like that. But he's not telling anyone how or what or where. Here's the excerpt from the story:

Even the president-elect's own economists acknowledged their two-year estimates could be wrong.

The 14-page analysis, which was posted online, says estimates are "subject to significant margins of error" — because of the assumptions that went into the economic models and because it is not known what might pass Congress.

Obama has provided few details of his $775 billion plan so far. This fresh report does not include the specific construction of his tax cuts, the amounts dedicated to state aid or public works — key questions that Obama aides have closely held.

On Saturday, economic aides and advisers declined to lay out even rough estimates for the plan's components. They said they worked with broad instructions from Obama but didn't want to limit negotiations with congressional leaders by outlining their limits in public.

For a second time since his election, Obama increased the number of jobs his jobs program would create, taking the number to as many as 4.1 million jobs saved or created — a benchmark his critics charge cannot be measured. During the campaign, he promised only 1 million new jobs.

It's Back

2009-01-04T21:09:00.002-06:00

Folly, that is. I think I liked Folly better than the Wench. Folly pretty much sums up my entire life so really the name does fit.

Here's the link: http://praiseoffolly.blogspot.com/

Happy New Year

2009-01-03T20:01:00.002-06:00

Yeah, it was a couple of days ago. I've been a little busy. I got this urge yesterday to actually set the house up I've been living in for two months. It's actually starting to look like home. That was after I decided I didn't want to move again even though the landlord is about as trustworthy as OJ Simpson. Oh not that he's killed anyone. At least not that I know of.

Anyway, BiW is now an official member of The Hostages which near as I can tell is the code name for the Arkham Asylum. He invited me on over to check it out. So I've been having fun over there.

What's new? Oh hell, it's another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. So I present to you...the Bay City Rollers:

And if you were a girl in the '70s and you didn't think they were HOT, there was something wrong with you. Even with the knickers. Wonder what they're doing now...

My New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-31T11:43:00.004-06:00

Here's a list of crap I hope to accomplish when this suck ass year ends. I'll even actually attempt to accomplish most, if not, all of them.

Stop Being a Doormat. Yes, I'm too nice to people which explains the deadbeat ex-husbands and lying-ass landlords. Starting tomorrow, unless you are friends, a significant other, and/or family, you can kiss my ass. I'll just assume you're lying to me so that if you aren't, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Lose Some of My Fat Self. I'm topping the scales out at 143 pounds now, up from a svelte 125 from Spring. I'm not even digging the big hooties any more 'cause they just make my back hurt. Goal is to get down to say, 130 or so.
Get Into My Job. Sure, it can be downright boring but I do get paid well.
Start my MPH program. That would be a Master's in Public Health which I start on Monday. This is so I can parlay what I now do into a job in the health law arena.
Find New Hobbies. Time for me to start doing stuff I've always wanted to do. Like travel and maybe a cooking class or wine tasting.
Start a budget. Don't laugh. I mean it.
Be a better parent. This includes homeschooling both of my offspring.

So Long To A Screwed Up Year

2008-12-30T22:56:00.002-06:00

I wish I could say that the close of 2008 would bring an end to the craziness, stupidity, and general wrongness of the year, but I'm afraid that it won't. How wonderful is that? What am I talking about?

1. Iran nears completion of its nuclear program. Seriously, is the world going just sit around and talk while chimpanzees figure out how to operate a flamethrower?

2. Michigan Football has its worst season in my living memory. Ok, I joke with my Buckeye boss about us being allowed a rebuilding year once every ten or fifteen years, but we didn't even make it to a consolation bowl game, and Michigan State did. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

3. The Democrats wreck the economy... by demanding banks give mortgages to people who can possibly pay them back, refuse to let us exploit our own oil resources as gas nears $5.00 a gallon, their candidate for President is remains a cypher even after his nomination, and they win the White House, The House, and The Senate? It's true. We have become an Idiocracy, and we have the government we deserve.

4. Hollyweird Continues to Crank Out Hate America First Movies...like 'Stop Loss', 'War Inc.', and other stinkers that insinuate or outright claim that WE are the bad guys and savages in the world, and then is surprised when they tank at the box office. Memo to the studio heads: We want to be entertained, not preached at by a bunch of clueless over sized egos who are insulated from the real world by their exorbitant salaries. You don't know dick about politics, the economy or reality. You are actors. If you were capable of understanding such things, you'd have real jobs. Now go make a good movie.

5. The GOP Ran A Woman For VP...and the party of inclusion, equal rights, and "making America live up to its promises" immediately savaged her with unfounded attacks on her character and belittled her executive experience, despite the fact that it exceeded that of the Dem's entire ticket.

6. A Republican President Declared It Necessary To Give Away Billions In Taxpayer Dollars...to some banks to restart credit markets stalled in the housing freefall prompted by years of Democratic thwarting of oversight over Fannie and Freddie, and as soon as the Secretary of the Treasury got the money, he didn't spend it as he said he would when he begged Congress for it in the first place. Yes, I know any one of us here in the real world outside of Washington D.C., the same world where bills have to eventually get paid, and bad behavior and crappy decisions actually have consequences could have told Congress that it would happen, but instead of taking appropriate action, Congress had hearings on even more bailouts...for the auto industry no less. And America just sat on the sidelines and watched. Where are the torches and pitchforks? Where is the tar and the feathers? Where are the politicians, quaking in their shoes and wetting their pants in fear of the populace that they continue to screw?

There is more. There is always more, but really, I can't stomach more right now. I'm gonna go hurl now.

Ten Rules for Dating My Son

2008-12-29T20:05:00.002-06:00

Someone on the local Craigslist did one about dating their daughter which was quite humorous so I thought I'd throw out some rules of my own.

1. Dress Appropriately in my Presence. I am the Queen of my house. Therefore you will not be presented to me dressed like a pole dancer. Wear your best church clothes. If you don't know what those are, dress the opposite of Paris Hilton.

2. No Piercings. If anything other than your ears are pierced, I had better not see it. Yes, I know why people pierce their tongues and it has nothing to do with speech improvement. If you're some skanasarous with piercings everywhere, I will tell my son to drop you off where he found you. Oh and he'll listen otherwise he'll get cut out of the will. I have no problem leaving everything to some obscure charity.

3. Abortion, Adoption or Child Support. Should you think that getting knocked up is a trip on the gravy train, I have no problem recommending any of the three to my idiotic child. Trust me when I say that paying your dumb ass child support for 18 years is far better than him marrying you and supporting you forever. I recommend getting married (the first time) at 30. By then, both parties should have their heads out of their asses.

4. I Will Do a Background Check. That's right, Sunshine, I'll talk to everyone who ever knew you from the time your wore Huggies until now. If I don't get a, "She's a candidate for sainthood," report, you are out the door. Again, he'll listen 'cause poverty sucks.

5. I Am Not Your Friend. Do not call me by my first name. Do not say, "Yeah...um...no...um..." Ma'am is not required but will earn you extra points. Consider me the Mama Bear protecting her cubs. Mama bears are not to be trifle with lest we rip you from limb to limb. Approach us with caution and respect and no one loses an arm.

6. Dumb Does Not Get You Anywhere. I'm not saying my sons need to date rocket scientists but if you know more about, "The Bachelor," "American Idol," and "Oprah," than you do current events, then we have a problem. Yes, I will quiz you. I will audition you and make Simon Cowell look like Mary Poppins. I will not tolerate a dumb bimbo no matter how cute she looks. Cute wears off, stupidity lasts forever.

7. Your Parents Better Impress Me. Oh they don't need to be rich or snobs but if they have a single wide they're real proud of then I'm thinking you are out of your league. Seriously, one of the best quotes out of Gone With the Wind was when Scarlet was whining about not marrying Ashley and her dad was telling her that it was a good thing he wasn't marrying her. Said Pa O'Hara, "Like must marry like or there will be no happiness." 'Tis true. My sons are spoiled rotten little prima donas. Their idea of roughing it is a 3 star hotel. That whole, "girl from the wrong side of the tracks," worked in Pretty in Pink. However, it's highly unlikely here.

8. Have Some Ambition. No, getting married and having a passel of kids while my son works his butt off all day is not what I'm talking about. You'll want a career. You'll want to do something with your life other than breed. I don't care if you're an accountant, IT guru, or a classical pianist but you better have a piece of paper from a 4 year college with your name on it.

9. Don't Be a Bitch. That's my job and I'm not giving it up. Do not nag my son or dictate what clothes he should wear. No, I'm not buying him Abercrombie clothes. Get over it. Do not boss him around. You haven't earned that right and if I see you doing it, you're likely to get a swift kick in the ass for your effort.

10. I Don't Have to Consent to the Wedding. But I can make it the worst event in the history of weddings if you piss me off. If you are lucky enough to snare my son into marrying you, I better have some input. Otherwise, things could suddenly start happening. Things like your dress order being cancelled or the cake getting dropped or the invitations not getting mailed....you know, STUFF.

The Year That Was: 2008

2008-12-29T07:03:00.003-06:00

Am I the only one who's glad this suck-ass year is almost over? Here's a recap of how my 2008 went:

January: Went to Key West with the kids, Spud, my sister and her friend. Thought all was well. Spud starts to take more control of the pub.

February: Spud takes over all my roles at the pub. He then starts telling me how unhappy he is and how I'm a loser with no direction in my life. This was after I planned the Mardi Gras party for the pub which, as far as I know, is still the biggest money-maker that place has ever had. This would be the Mardi Gras party that he didn't want to do for fear it would be a bust.

March: Spud walks on the 24th. No goodbye, no "Go screw yourself," nada. Just a, "I can't do this anymore." This was a week after the sorriest trip to a theme park ever where he refused to ride any rides and just sat next to me on a bench for 5 hours while ogling everything with a bustline.

April: I gave the idiot until the first of April to get his head out of his ass and come home. He didn't so on the 2nd I filed for divorce. This led him to tell everyone that I was the one who ended the marriage. I'm thinking that leaving me for a 27 year old bimbo you met at the pub constitutes ending a marriage. I still have the fateful words of what he told one of his friends ringing in my ears, "You know who I'm fucking and it ain't your wife."

May: Spud discovers that I'm dissing him on Folly and decides to bitch to his lawyer like a 4 year old girl. I get chastised by my lawyer and Folly goes down in flames. Go visit my sister at her farm in Tennessee.

June: Still haggling with Spud over the decree. I want my share of the pub. He says over his dead body. I'm thinking that's a fair trade.

July: Discover Spud's profile on Match.com which he later denies ever having. Of course, I printed it out. What a load of crap that was. Meanwhile, I went out with one of the biggest losers I've ever met that I didn't marry. It took days of ignoring his crazy ass behavior ("Are you any happier today than you were yesterday?") for him to stop. Then I met my current beau who is a decent, upstanding individual. This makes me wonder what he sees in me.

August: On the 12th, Spud is officially my ex-husband. I gave him the house. He's supposed to give me $15k for my share of the pub. As of today, still haven't received a dime of that. First date with my current beau. Moved out of the marital home and into a rent house which I got screwed on.

September: Beau's birthday. Bought him an awesome Civil War print which is currently hanging in his living room. Decided to move from the rent house after I had to tell the process server on a Sunday morning that the landlord's wife moved with him to North Carolina. She is being sued. He proceeds to act like an ass and threatens to sue me over the lease. Dillweed.

October: Had to put in a $300 battery in the Jaguar. Moved to another rent house. Discovered the fine art of plumbing after having repaired the toilet in the master bathroom. Discovered I got screwed on this deal as well. Vowed to never live in another rent house. Marital home goes into foreclosure after Spud doesn't offer a deed in lieu as required by the decree. Broke ass broke.

November: Obama is elected and I am sad. Hoping I don't get laid off. Boss is muy unhappy with me over billing. Thanksgiving with Beau's parents is not the disaster I had feared. Still broke ass broke.

December: Christmas is muy expensive. Go to an hourly rate instead of salary thanks to my boss. Still broke ass broke. Decide to move after to IRS agents come to the door looking for my landlord. Landlord claims it had only to do with a missing form from a couple of years ago. I say bullshit. Found a house to purchase on the 4th hole of a golf course. Got my fingers crossed but mortgage guy says even with the foreclosure it shouldn't be a problem since Spud got the house.

Here's to a better year in 2009.

Post-Christmas Fun

2008-12-26T19:18:00.002-06:00

Well I hope everyone had a Joyous Noel. For the first time in years, I had a holiday that didn't involve bitching, whining or fights over who got the better toy. And the kids behaved too. While out shopping, I saw many an Obama sticker with "hope" and "change" on them which led me, in the middle of the night 'cause I couldn't sleep, to come up with a game. Here it is:

Use the words "hope" and "change" in a sentence that has nothing to do with Obama. The more random, the better.
Example: "I hope that dumb bitch at the drive through remembers my change." or "I hope you brought a change of underwear."

Yeah, it's lame but it's the holidays and I'm stressed out so cut me some slack. The goal is to show just how vague those two words are and that they can be used for anything.

Wal-Mart Tree Part 2

2008-12-19T06:37:00.003-06:00

Not having learned my lesson on the crap ass fake tree, the boyfriend and I went to Wal-Mart yet again only this time we bought a real tree. How could a real tree go wrong? Well trust me to pick out the only tree with a crooked base. Despite the boyfriend sawing off part of it, it still looks like this:

In case you can't tell, it's listing to the left like a drunk sailor in Times Square. The ONLY reason it is even upright is a strategically placed book underneath the tree stand. BTW, the crap ass fake tree I returned? Back on the shelf with all the other fake trees.

"Why No, Mr. IRS Agent, My Landlord ISN'T Here."

2008-12-17T21:26:00.002-06:00

So I was stuck at home for two days with the offspring due to all the ice we had everywhere. If you've never seen Okies drive on ice, picture elephants ice-skating. Anyway, I'm sitting in my home office yesterday when a truck pulls up in front of the house. Out comes a big black guy who looks like Refrigerator Perry and a middle-aged white lady. I thought, "Great, freakin' Jehovahs." For a moment I thought about not answering the door. Then I saw his briefcase and realized that Jehovahs don't carry briefcases.

They ring the doorbell and I answer it. Keep in mind, it's 19 degrees and the streets are covered with ice. Fridge says, "I'm Joe Friday with the Internal Revenue Service. I'm looking for Bob Taxfraud." I said, "Bob Taxfraud is my landlord. He moved to Virginia. You wanna come in, it's cold." I said that last bit 'cause I know better than to piss off the feds. Besides, they're not coming out in 19 degree weather to discuss old Bob's 1099. He's in deep sh*t. Everyone knows that if you owe them a couple of grand, they send you letters forever. They only pay you a visit if you're on your way to Club Fed.

Fridge and his side kick come in and he starts asking me questions like, "When did you move in? Do you have his phone number?" I didn't have his number but I did have his address which I gave him. Then I said, "I know you probably can't tell me but does this have anything to do with the house?" He said, "I can't discuss it." Me: "Oh. I just wanted to know if I'm going to be homeless for the holidays." The lady laughed but the Fridge didn't. He gave me his card and said to let him know if I got Bob's number.

Last night I sent Bob and email. Bob calls me, chitchats about the weather then proceeds to give me the lamest ass excuses I've ever heard. Excuse 1: "Maybe it was a joke." Uh, no Bob, the feds have no sense of humor. Excuse 2: "Maybe their after my former tenant. He never paid taxes." Uh, no Bob, they asked for YOU so I think you never paid taxes. He asked for Joe Friday's number and I gave it to him. Yeah, right, like he's going to call.

Anyway, first thing this morning I called Joe Friday and left him a message with my landlord's phone number. Then I shot an email about the visit to a colleague at the office who is a CPA as well as a lawyer. I said, "What does it mean when two revenue agents come looking for your landlord?" Her response, "It means it's time to move 'cause chances are he's committed fraud or something."

So, I've decided to start from scratch and move back to my old house that I actually still technically own. I hate moving. I hate Bob.

I'm Freezing My A** Off Without a Christmas Tree

2008-12-15T11:33:00.002-06:00

It's 17 degrees right now. Yes, 17 degrees. That's up from the low of 16 on its way to a balmy 22 for the afternoon high. There's a 1/4 inch of ice covering everything which means I didn't go to work today. My little Jaguar wouldn't make it out of the driveway much less the neighborhood. Of course, everyone else is at work. Then again, everyone else has a Lexus/Lincoln SUV.

So what does not having a Christmas tree have to do with freezing my a** off? Well, yesterday it was 75 degrees. I went to Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart to buy, among other things, a Christmas tree. I found one that looked great on the box. 7.5 feet and only 3 sections. So I snagged it and some other stuff.

When I got home with my haul, I moved stuff out of the way in the designated Christmas tree spot and opened the box. I realized something was amiss when I got a whiff of stale cigarette smoke. Then I started taking the tree out. "3 Easy Sections," suddenly became a thousand individual branches with a center stand that you hook them to.

Oh, it only took me a second to figure out what happened. Some deadbeat loser bought the real tree then boxed up their old piece of crap tree, took it back to Wal-Mart and got money for their piece of crap tree. Kudos for their ingenuity and complete lack of moral character. Kudos also to the Wal-mart employees in the returns/exchanges section who didn't even bother to check the box.

While I was getting my return sticker from the mentally-handicapped employee at the front of the door, I was on the phone to my sister explaining this whole debacle. It took Scooter a couple of minutes to figure out how to get the sticker out. Meanwhile, the over-dressed old bitch behind me says, "Is something wrong?" Scooter, "No." Bitch, "Oh I thought you were waiting for her to get off the phone." WTF? I wasn't holding up the parade, it was the retard employee. Granted, at least HE has a job unlike the old bitch who I'm probably supporting via Social Security.

Again, I f*&king hate Wal-Mart.

Ho, Ho, Freakin' Ho

2008-12-13T18:39:00.002-06:00

I am in a SNIT. Why? (Oh, like you give a rat's ass). Hmmm, get a call from the sperm donor aka my babies' daddy this morning about the older one. Apparently, the older one has chosen to act like a 4 year old this weekend. He wanted to know what to do. Hell, I figured a guy with 6 kids would know more about child rearing than I would. I said I didn't know 'cause I didn't want to tell him the truth which is, "He hates your guts and I made him go."

Then I made the mistake of going to Walmart. At Christmas time. I then realized why I hate shopping and Walmart. My older son (the one who is acting up) wants a dog. So I went to Petco (x3) and Petsmart looking for a dog to adopt. I finally found one then I discovered I need a HOME VISIT by the FOSTER PARENT. Jeez, it's not a kid.

Then I talked to the significant other who was in snit (being on duty all weekend) and proceeded to criticize the dog idea as well as the kids latest misery at school. The older one wants to be home-schooled. So apparently I'm incapable of making a proper decision.

Friday's What the Hamster?

2008-12-12T06:33:00.004-06:00

Well other than Chicago corruption, an auto bailout and finding bones that may belong to Caylee Anthony, it's been a slow news week. Speaking of which:

1. For Sale: 1 Senate Seat, Slightly Used. Corruption in Chicago? Say it ain't so, Joe. Corruption is to Chicago is like clam chowder is to Boston. The Illinois governor and his trailer park wife decided to make some cash off of the seat formerly held by Barack Obama. Unfortunately, he was being monitored by the feds. Makes you wonder how Obama got that seat to begin with.

2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime, Part II. Since the government has bailed everyone else, the big 3 automakers decided to ask for their share. The House said, "Sure, get in line." The Senate said, "Go screw yourself." Ever get the idea that the Senate is the older, smarter big brother while the House is the slightly retarded younger brother?

3. Dem Bones. Unfortunately for uber-mom of the year candidate, Casey Anthony, it would appear she did not do a good enough job hiding the body of her 2 year old daughter. A meter reader stumbled upon the skeletal remains of a small child in a plastic bag not too far from her parents house. DNA results are pending but that would be like one in a million coincidence. What kind of sick bitch stuffs her baby into a plastic bag and just dumps her in the woods?

4. OU is going to the Big Game. I can't go 'cause tickets are $580 each. EACH. What the hamster? That's more than my car payment.

5. Creepy Story of the Week. What is up with Asians and robot girlfriends? I'm sorry but that's just damn bizarre. Some software engineer who is 33 and still lives with his parents built himself a girl robot. Here are some disturbing excerpts:

Aiko is still a virgin, AND NO I do not sleep with her," he writes on the Project Aiko Web site, though he admits that she "has sensors in her body including her private parts, and yes even down there."

Uh, okay.

Craigs List

2008-12-10T20:40:00.002-06:00

I discovered Craigs List through my significant other. No, we didn't meet there. He goes there to look at furniture and other crap for sale. I go there for that, real estate, and the rant and rave section. The rant and rave section is where I have discovered that people are basically retarded. At least here. Seriously, here's the link:

http://tulsa.craigslist.org/rnr/

Apparently, people have no idea what punctuation is or how to spell. "Their" is 3rd person possessive plural while "there" is an adverb/pronoun/noun/adjective and "they're" is the contraction for "they are." So the sentence, "There a bunch of idiots over their," should be, "They're a bunch of idiots over there."

Oh and go to the "collectibles" section. That old phrase, "One man's junk is another man's treasure," applies there. For example, you can find the following items for sale:

Harley Davidson cordless phone ($50)
M & M Dispenser motorcycle ($25)
Harley Davidson drive-in speaker set ($300)
KISS Trivia game ($25)
1950's Kenmore hairdryer ($100)
1978 Orange Bowl tickets (make offer)
Yoda hand puppet ($35)

Pretty much any old piece of crap you want to buy is available. There are also the hard luck stories of people with no money and whatnot. Of course, some of them are scams and some of them are just plain irritating. However, a few are kind of pathetic. So if you have some spare time, check out your local Craigs List. It makes you feel a whole lot better about your own life.

Mindless Quiz

2008-12-08T07:03:00.001-06:00

Stolen from Deadman.

Your Spiritual Number is Five

You bring adventure and change to people's lives.

You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow.

Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy.

If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project.

You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver.

Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way.

What's Your Spiritual Number?

Okay, I can go with that.

Friday's What the Hamster.

2008-12-05T07:06:00.003-06:00

Yes, yes, it's been awhile. Anyway, it's been a slow news week. Here's some of the more "interesting" stories of the last week.

1. Seem Like a Good Idea at the Time...A would-be-bride was swept to sea in Oregon after her boyfriend decided to take her to a rock to propose. I guess a simple, "Will you marry me?" over dinner was too boring.

2. Brother Can You Spare a Dime? Obama supporters are paying the price for the election of their idol. They are now being asked to pick up the $7.5 million tab of Hilary Clinton's failed presidential campaign before her confirmation hearings begin. They're even having a "debt retirement party," hosted by that chick from Ugly Betty. Why doesn't she just ask Congress for a bailout?

3. Discrimination in the Salvation Army. I did not know that if you're an "officer" in the Salvation Army, you can only marry another officer. Apparently that is the case as Capt. Johnny Harsh (not making that up) is being tossed out of the service because he intends to marry a non-SA member. Jeez, talk about some hardasses.

4. Achmed the Lego Terrorist. Showing that people can find insult in anything, Muslims and some non-Muslims (aka "idiots") are upset over a Lego ripoff character called the White Bandit who comes compete with a bomb-belt. Tacky? Yes. Enough to spark riots in the streets? Probably. I wonder if the maker plans on a Burka Betty figure to go along with Bandit. Oh and the quote of the day comes from the spokesman for the Ramadhan Foundation, who said it is, "glorifying terrorism." Yeah, that's it. It's the TOY'S fault.

5. Dems to Obama: Step Up. Forgetting that he isn't president yet, some Democrats think that President-elect Obama needs to just take power now and get it over with. Barney Frank, Dirtbag from MA, says, "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been. At a time of great crisis with mortgage foreclosures and autos, he says we only have one president at a time," Frank said. "I'm afraid that overstates the number of presidents we have. He's got to remedy that situation." Nice insult, douchebag, considering your boyfriend help create the crisis.

Frank also scoffed at the idea that they can work with the GOP after Obama is anointed. "Having lived with this very right wing Republican group that runs the House most of the time, the notion of trying to deal with them as if we could be post-partisan gives me post-partisan depression." Hahahaha. What a card.

"The Obama team has to step up," Sen. Christopher Dodd, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee and one of the lead negotiators, said Nov. 21 in Hartford, Conn. "In the minds of the people, this is the Obama administration. I don't think we can wait until January 20."

I'm sorry, Chris, but this is not the Obama Administration regardless of what the half-educated moonbats who elected him think. Obama is not the President and will not be the President until January 20. Period. End of story.

So we have a party that simply wants to seize power using the economic crisis as an excuse....now where have I seen that before....

Map Quest

2008-12-04T19:13:00.002-06:00

I got the wrong maps. Yes, it's true. My boss told me that this morning. "I thought we understood," he said. What WE understood was that he wanted coastline of the state of Louisiana and not the goddamn Gulf of Mexico. "I'll go by there myself," said he in a huff. Good. Maybe they are better at mind reading. You could see him twitching in that camel hair overcoat of his as he stalked out the door.

This happened about 11-ish which is roughly two hours after I arrived to discover my office was the temperature of Nome, Alaska. One of the male attorneys very kindly turned my little space heater on which was like using a space heater to warm a Sam's (or Costco). So I'm sitting at my desk, hunched over in my wool coat like Bob Cratchit when I'm summoned into the conference room and informed of my error.

About 4-ish, Bossman calls me to tell me he's at the map place and they are getting him what he wants and oh, can I get in the car and drive half way across town to bring back the shitty maps I bought? "Sure, thing, Boss," I said. So I hop in my little car (with no gas) and drive to the crap-ass side of town to bring the maps back.

While I'm there, Bossman calls the map place to talk to me.

"Ask her if they have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah or a blah blah blah then call me back and let me know."

So I ask the lady, "Do you have a schematic of a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, blah, blah, or a blah, or blah, blah."

"No," she said. "We just sell maps."

So I call the Bossman and tell him that. Then he says, "Ask her if we know where we can get one." By then, she's gone back up stairs to her office so I gotta call her from the waiting room phone.

"Boss wants to know if you know where to get one," I said.

"No," she said. "Try Google."

I then went back to my office, got my crap, and went home. Oh yes, I earn my keep. He just doesn't realize it.

My Boss is a Dillweed, II

2008-12-04T06:53:00.002-06:00

So Tuesday, the Bossman tells me I gotta go to this publishing company to get five maps. Not just any maps. Coastal maps of Louisiana. Really, really big maps. Okay, no problem. I go and order the maps (they are shipped out of Houston) at $395/each.

Yesterday morning, Bossman sends me an email: "How much were the maps?"
Me: "$395/each."
Him: "Wow! I wish you had run that by me first."

Then I get a call from him. "You should have called me first. You need to think. It will be difficult for me to recover those costs."

Of course, I had thought that he wanted the maps (for trial exhibits) at ALL COSTS. Not once did he say, "Find out how much they are. If they're more than $____, only get one." So after the phone call, I shoot him back the following email, "Sorry. I thought you wanted the maps regardless of cost. In future I will clarify." Then he calls me back and says we can allocate each map to a different case.

(Keep in mind, I'm an hourly employee which means this crap ain't billable.)

Late yesterday, I get another email from him: "Need sears case."

I put "Sears" into Westlaw and come up with 1100 cases.

I write him back, "What's the other party's name."
Him: "Don't know. Has to do with a hammer."

Okay, so now I have, "Sears," and "hammer." That drops me down to 30 cases. Finally, he tells me it has to do with a manufacturer and a retailer. By that time, it's after 5 and I'm done with him, Sears, and hammers.

I really need a new job.

My Boss is a Dillweed

2008-12-02T06:59:00.003-06:00

I've been demoted. Oh I'm still an attorney. However, the bossman doesn't think I'm doing enough to earn $120,000/year (read: I'm not providing him BJs) so I've been reduced to an hourly employee. Now I'll be earning $60/hour (and being billed at $150/hour) and will only be paid on the actual hours I bill. And apparently, I'm also the only one who gets two weeks vacation per year.

Oh never mind that I'm the token single parent and have a chronic illness that has to be managed (gee, no labor law violations there). Of course, that just makes me more inclined to surf Craigs List and Ebay. I could job hunt but who's going to hire a 40+ female lawyer who is a single parent and has a chronic illness? Yes, even the legal profession engages in discriminatory hiring.